About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Hostility Parenting


Hostility Parenting 

A Complex Relationship: Hostility Toward Parents 

By Michael Feld, L.C.S.W.
Certified Psychoanalyst, Licensed Psychotherapist
Some of the most difficult feelings we deal with as both children and adults are the hostile, raging feelings we often have toward people we love. These hostile feelings haunt us throughout our lives always leave us feeling guilty and ashamed. Sometimes adults have difficulty understanding why they are angry with their parents. Some people chalk it up to the simple explanation that “they just get on my nerves.” Some of these uncomfortable feelings adults experience have their roots in the earliest years of childhood.
If as children we experience our parents as being inattentive to our needs, hostile feelings toward them can emerge in us. These angry feelings cause us much discomfort because they are in conflict with our loving feelings for our parents, and the need we have for their continuing love. We especially need our parents to guarantee our safety and well being. In fact, in our earliest years, we are dependent on our parents for our very existence.
If our parents relate to us in such a way that we experience them as being exploitive, or using us to gratify their own compulsive, rigid and egocentric needs, our own hostility gets stirred up. If we experience them as being indifferent to our legitimate needs and wishes; if they are smothering in their love; if they induce guilt in us; if they are coercive and exploitive under the guise of being overindulgent, admiring and idealizing on one hand and having unrealistic expectations and putting us down on the other hand; under such conditions we develop a hostile attitude toward them, which depending on our age can vary in degree from being uncomfortable to being terrifying.
To experience hostility toward our parents is quite frightening, considering how dependent and needy we are of them. In addition, we fear reprisals from them should we express this hostility. What happens most often is that the hostility is repressed. By repressing the hostility, we hope to reassure their benevolence toward us. The expression of any hostility leaves us feeling guilty, unworthy and contemptible. Psychoanalyst Karen Horney called such hostility “basic hostility.” The feeling of basic hostility is the response to an abusive parental environment. Basic hostility leads to what Dr. Horney called “basic anxiety,” which is a profound feeling of uncertainty about ourselves, a feeling of being helpless and alone; a feeling of isolation and of being surrounded by a potentially hostile world out to engulf us. Our way of dealing with basic anxiety is what moves us through life. Almost all our behaviors are designed to alleviate and keep us from experiencing this anxiety this running away from anxiety is the beginning of neurotic development.