The Oblivious to Other's Adult Adoptee
noun, Not aware or concerned about what is happening around one.
For Adoptees, we are simply "Not Aware" of our own behavior in relating to others in adult relationships. Although we "ARE Concerned" if and when our behavior leads to being abandoned again, which is inevitable for adoptees, but there is "our" reality that we can't change. Sorry to say "we just can't change".
The excruciating truth is that we were never taken seriously as adopted children, so the adult adoptee individual can't trust themselves. We can
only excel at adapting to the next abandonment or adult brake-up better,
by not letting others get too intimate, as any intimacy beyond sex is dangerous. For Adoptees, sex is not intimate for our adoptee bodies were used for other purposes than our birthright, we adoptee's are essentially slabs of meat to be devoured by those that desire it. Sex is the most non-intimate action that exists for adoptees. Sex is a casual human mating for fun or pregnancy that is not attached to anything beyone the sex act itself. While intimacy, talking and telling private things to another will always end in regret, as what adoptee's disclose is not comprehended, understood and usually against the grain of social doctrines that are the opposite of how the adopted child or adult adoptee's actually feel about being abandoned/adopted.
Intimacy is a dangerous dance of the exchanges of verbal truths that is psychologically based verbal disclosures (is intimate). When we do allow too much verbal-intimacy, we become invisible. We are erased by the other person that is psychologically healthy and absorbed by the other person against our will, to the point we are psychologically annihilated. Just like it was with the adoptive mother erased our identity, our mother, our family and our adoption trauma. She did this intentionally to us, so she could claim to be happy by avoiding our biological truth, our emotional turmoil and our psychological needs to know and have a relationship with our biological family.
Adoptee's may look like healthy adults, even desirable sexually, but we were intentionally handicapped psychologically at birth, so no one really knows what they are getting into when we have a relationship beyond a sexual encounter.
Adoptee's are compulsive and sex is an easy tool to feel temporary affection, but is no basis to enter into a relationship with us. As we are cold, we are hungry for sex and intimacy is to be avoided as it forces us to say things that dwell within us in the dungeons of our minds that make other's uncomfortable.
Every person outside of the adoptee has the power to control us and force us to deny ourselves, that leaves us on alert to everyone as a potential predator that wants to control us. We adoptees refuse to be controlled by anyone ever again!!
Especially if it means another abandonment, as we will always welcome it as it is a familiar thing (abandonment) that we know how to recover from by distancing ourselves from the most recent relationship brake-up because a person in a relationship with us always chooses to control us and denies who we truly are. We are a different breed of humans handicapped in childhood by "adoption-abandoning conditioning". We adoptee's can never change who we are or how we act as it is the only truth we know, it is all that we can rely on about ourselves that we know to be true. As most of us don't even know our real identity but we know the false adopted-Identity to be a fake to survive adopted childhood. Adoptee's know the false "adopted-child-role" was forced on us and we would rather flounder through life than to deceive ourselves with playing on this adoption deception role. Why do you think so many adoptee's commit suicide, they can't take lying to themselves by playing the adopted-child role for another on-core.
The above is written in agreement and response to the article below:
Full article link:
One of the things that people in relationship with adoptees complain about is that adoptees don’t seem to realize how they affect their partners, parents, or friends. Although they are exquisitely aware of how they are affected by others, they seem oblivious to their effect on others. There seems to be a double standard. This is one of the chief reasons many relationships fail. Here is an example of this phenomenon sent to me in an email many years ago by a woman who was planning to leave her boyfriend of two years. As she was getting ready to leave, her partner begged her to read The Primal Wound as an attempt to get her to understand his behavior as being his reaction to loss and pain.
This is the self-fulfilling prophecy of many adoptee relationships. This woman recognized many wonderful qualities of her partner: gifted, intelligent, and passionate. These qualities were evident in the beginning of the relationship, before it got more serious and intimate. However, the closer they got, the more dangerous it felt to her partner and the more he felt he had to distance himself by childlike, abusive behavior, which eventually contaminated the relationship. The woman sat up all night reading PW, but it was too late. Too much damage had been done and she wasn’t willing to wait for him to “get his act together.”
Read the entire article at link above