The Adoptive Mother's Reality of Adoption
The adoptive parent's happiness toward their dependent adopted infant was anchored on the belief that the adopted child would adapt and become similar to the other members of the adoptive family. The adopted infant was completely submerged in the adoptive family's behavior style and knew nothing different from the biological family's expressions, conduct and social graces.
The sweetness we once felt toward our adopted infant, has turned sour in the passing months and years. The older the adopted child gets, the more different he becomes. The adopted child's development achievements, educational attainment and cognitive awareness push him farther away from who he should be acting like..."Us, His Family". He runs toward becoming a stranger from his adoptive parents and family. It is obvious that the outside influence of school, intellectual growth and educational attainment have had a negative effect on the adoptive parent's control over the adopted child.
The world outside from the adoptive family has given the adopted child too much knowledge, independence and awareness, that we erase and restore him back to the happiness we enjoyed in his infancy.
The adoptive mother's intentional resentment, anger and growing hostility toward their adopted child that is now labeled "difficult and problematic".
We were told that adopting an infant would guarantee the adaption to us that he would become one of us, but the adopted child is exactly opposite of who we are. Our adopted child is a stranger occupying a room in our home that we no longer like and can barely tolerate his presence at eight years old. The adoptive mother's constant verbal loop "this is not what I signed up for and all of our efforts to train the child to be one of us has failed".
The adoptive mother's only recourse is abandonment or psychological neglect.