About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Adult Adoptee Persistent Fear of Adoptive Mother


Adult Adoptee's Living In Persistent Fear of Adoptive Parents

As an adult child of adoptive parents, it is completely normal for you to live in a constant state of fear of the adoptive parent and the punishment based relationship with them where they were dominate and retained complete control over you. The words that you used, the adopted child's thoughts and behaviors...were all "wrong". 

The adoptive mother frequently reminded, reprimanded and punished the adoptive child for having the wrong thoughts that reflected the adopted child's facial expressions, that represented what emotions the adopted child was feeling at any particular time. The spontaneous feelings, emotions and facial expressions from any child are "pure and truthful" reactions. When a child is reacting to injustice at the adoptive mother's selfishness, the adopted child feels hurt, psychological and physical pain, and the facial expression screams "injustice" at the adoptive mother. This monumental honesty and truth from a child is seen by the dominating adoptive mother as "resistance" to her control that she over-reacts to with hostility. She may say "you are treating her disrespectfully" and strikes the child in the face to wipe away the child's facial expression that contributes to her resentment of the adopted child. Slapping one look of a child's face creates a new expression by the child that now reflects "fear of the adoptive mother". The adoptive mother justifies her brutal actions by refusing to feel guilty, instead she prefers to feel "anger toward the adopted child" as she keeps her control over the child.

Why You’re Afraid of Your Narcissistic Parent

You may not think of your narcissistic parent this way, but she’s an abuser. Maybe there was no physical or sexual abuse in your home, but there was plenty of emotional abuse. Research indicates that emotional abuse is as bad, if not worse, than physical and sexual abuse. And you suffered it for 18 years or more.
Examples of emotional abuse include the following:
  • Ignoring: This is when the parent literally ignores the adopted child the child is instantly annihilated and no-longer exists . She doesn’t answer his cries and doesn’t respond. When the adopted child's ADOPTED NAME BEING CALLED by adoptive mother fear is provoked, it is sign, clue or trigger that the adopted child is in trouble, and seriously associated with being harshly punished and humiliated in front of others.
  • Rejecting: The parent literally is rejecting to her adopted child. The adoptive mother will not respond to any of the adopted child’s needs whether he or she be hurt, hungry, injured, etc. The adoptive mother may refuse to touch the adopted child and ridicule him/her while the adopted child is in distress.
  • Isolating: the narcissistic adoptive parent cuts the child off from the outside world. The child is denied contact with friends, family, adults freedom. Adopted child may be confined to bedroom or punishment forced to be with the adoptive mother at all times.
  • Verbally Assaulting: The child undergoes a constant barrage of shaming, ridiculing, belittling, and threats of future punishment for not being what or who the adopted mother wanted. Being not wanted, or the adoptive mother changed her mind and attitude about the adopted child.  Where she is forced to continue care for the adopted child against her current attitude has dramatically changed from the past time when she wanted to adopt a child.
  • Terrorizing: The parent create a fear based environment for the adopted child to live in. The adoptive mother's constant bullying and punishment threats that are outside of a child's bad behavior. The adoptive parent uses set-up-to-fail, is unyielding and has maintained their unrealistic expectations on the child and threaten to harm the child if he or she doesn’t meet the expectations. 
The fear based conditioning from the adoptive mother  lasted 18 years and longer for the adult adoptee that currently lives in fear of their non-existent adoptive mother. The triggers remain ingrained as mental habit loops in the adoptee's brain. The adoptive mother can only see the adult adoptee as the bad adopted child that needs her constant correction to stave off the biological child's natural spontaneous personality and responses. When the adopted daughter became an adolescent, she became a competition to the adoptive mother for attention, sexual competition and competition for control, as the adoptive mother ages and her beauty diminishes, the adopted child's beauty shines and the adoptive mother resents her. The adoptive mother secretly worries that the adopted child's woman body will tempt the adoptive father as they are not biological parent-child but an unattached fit female in the house that represents risk to the adoptive mother's marriage. The adoptive mother fears the adolescent woman (adopted child) will tempt her biological sons with her beauty. She is nothing but an unwelcome sexual temptress occupying space in the adoptive mother's world. 

What brought out the nasty accusations of selfishness was a narcissist’s inability to tolerate outshining all others. In the adopted child's young childhood her innocent sweetness was generous or giving, out came the accusation you were selfish. This emotional abuse occurred so the adopted child wouldn’t look better than the adoptive mother.
The adoptive parents were supposed to love and protect you. They are supposed to gently guide you through childhood and adolescence. Adoptive parents have a duty to support their children and build within them a healthy sense of self. Parents should help their children develop a good sense of self-esteem and rock solid self-confidence. These are the gifts parents have an obligation to give their children.
But rather than giving us the gift of compassionate and loving parenting, our narcissistic adoptive parents gave us psychological scars that no one can see. Instead of independence and individualism the adoptive mother burdens the adopted child with:
  • Self-doubt
  • A lack of confidence
  • The inability to know what we want
  • An inability to express our needs
  • A belief that expressing our needs will lead to rejection/punishment
  • An enduring sense of guilt about everything we do
  • Feeling bad about ourselves
  • An inability to assert ourselves
  • An inability to see our own value
  • A habit of accepting what we don’t want
  • Being trained to blindly follow others demands
  • A habit of taking on two much responsibility
  • A habit of sacrificing for the benefit of others
  • A belief that we have to present ourselves as inferior and nonthreatening to others
  • A mindset that allows us to be frequently taken advantage of
  • A habit of landing in unbalanced relationships where we give more than we receive
  • Always feeling we are on the verge of “getting in trouble”
  • A fear that individuals and organizations with power will use it to abuse us
  • A fear that if we say something we’ll be told we’re wrong
  • A fear of taking risks
  • A habit of trying to remain invisible to protect ourselves
  • Difficulty with self-care
  • Difficulty with life skills
  • Feeling that we’re stuck in childhood no matter how old we are
  • Feeling powerless
  • Feeling loss
  • Feeling afraid
  • Feeling Worthless
  • Contemplating Suicide
  • Given the legacy above that is our inheritance from our narcissistic adoptive parents, we should not feel afraid of them and powerless. We should feel very, very angry with them. Our blood should boil at the thought of them and does.
    Adoptee's attempting to heal goes against the 18 years of fear conditioning where adoptive mother taught you that you are not allowed to be angry, never express anger and never show anger or you will be extremely punished. The anger that consumes me exists within me, 40 years of suppressed emotions is an enormous amount of energy to hold inside.