About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Verbal Abuse Perpetrated By Adoptive Mother


Verbal Abuse Perpetrated By Adoptive Mother

Verbal abuse in the adoptive family is hidden from the outside world, family members and friends. The adopted child has no way to protect herself from the person she seeks love from. The adopted child is forced to endure the abusive adoptive mother as she wants adoptive mother’s love, her approval, and considers her an authority.The adopted child believes what the adoptive mother say to her about her. 
The verbally abusive adoptive mother not only creates the world adopted child lives in but dictates how events in it are to be interpreted.
Verbal abuse largely plays out in secret because it stays within the walls of the adoptive home and only leaves marks on the adopted child's psyche. The unloving adoptive mother denies that her words hurt. The adoptive mother will blame her adopted child's emotional response to her words on the adopted child’s being “too sensitive.”  “too dramatic” adoptive mothers assign and label the "problem" adopted child. Adoptive mothers justify their use of punitive and harsh words. Marginalizing the adopted child’s achievements “If you got an A, the test must have been really easy”—can be shrugged off by a mother as an effort to make sure “she doesn’t get a swelled head.” Disparaging adopted child in highly personal ways “You’re lazy", "no-good” or “Why can’t you be more like your brother” (her biological son) is often represented as something done for “her own good” or as “discipline” for an “unruly” adopted child, “putting her on the right path” as she is destined for problems, being adopted.
The adoptive mother's intentional abusive words and the deliberate silences, that are aimed at breaking a daughter’s heart and spirit that matter too. Again, these are “justified” in the scheme of adoptive family life. Refusing to answer adopted child’s plea for help, telling her that she “should know better” why she’s being punished or ignored. A mother’s refusal to look at her adopted child, as experts have asserted, isolating adopted child in another room for time-out can carry great consequence for the adopted child’s vision of self.
Adopted children internalize the messages their adoptive mothers communicate and avoidance behaviors. A child who is well-loved, listened to, and given support internalizes the message that she is worthy, competent, and safe. 
The adopted child is told they are a failure, a disappointment and not worthy of the adoptive mother's attention and effort. The adopted child internalizes the negative messages and they become the inner voice of self-criticism. Self-criticism is a destructive habit of mind in which the person attributes a bad outcome not to external factors but to specific traits about the child's self. Self-criticism plays a repeating mental loop in the unloved adopted child's head, reminding the child they are not wanted, unworthy, and not loved as consequence of mother's verbal abuse.