List of Negligible Adoptive Mother Behaviors
Insight Looking Back at Adopted-Domination
#1. Adopting a child to replace stillborn child, to save face publicly and avoid the grieving process.
#2. To replace a dead child with an adopted child, Adoptive Mother's Quote "I Just Wanted A Baby".
#3. To ignore and deny her own childhood abuse, neglect and family dysfunction then replicate abuse in her own family.
#4. To allow, participate and perpetuate in alcoholism, domestic violence and physical abuse in the presence of children.
#5. Psychological control, domination and manipulation of the adopted child, telling me "your thoughts are wrong" but spare her biological sons from the need to overreact to situations.
#6. Using adopted child as a prop for her charity activism seeking public recognition.
#7. Welcoming public discussions, talking and gossiping about the adopted child & adoption with others, about me-in front of me.
#8. Assigning genetic-blame for any problem or disappointment.
#9. Ignoring & denying adopted child's grief, loss and heartache.
#10. Teasing & jokes in place of empathy for the adopted child.
#11. Blaming and focus all problems on "terrible teens" denying any adoption related issues of anxiety, shame and pain.
#12. Being shamed repeatedly for adoption related emotions & feelings "your too dramatic", "your too sensitive", you should not be ashamed, when humiliated in public about adopted - different.
#13.Threatening & punishing adopted child for feeling anger.
#14. Introducing "my adopted child", not my child.
#15. Telling everyone, new teachers & others "she is adopted"
#16. Threatening punishment of a doctor visit or counselling therapy as punishment. Sending me to counselling and telling the therapist to "fix her". Yet refusing counselling herself.
#17. Extreme reliance on other's opinions, gossip and pseudo science regarding adopted child issues. Refusing to read any books on adoption or adopted child issues.
#18. Physical abuse the punishment of choice was react-in-anger and strike me in the face. The last time on my 40th birthday, She threatened to strike the look off my face and I told her I was going to hit her in the face if she does strike me.
My Insight Looking Back at Adopted-Domination
It was at this point in my life that I realized that I would never have the privilege, normal age related existence of being an adult
in the presence of my adoptive parents. This epiphany was realized while still existing in the "adoption Fog", playing the adopted-child-role for their benefit only, in front of them. This constitutes the reality that I hated playing this child-role and hated myself for going along with it. I had to escape their domination in order to find my lost self. Although I only acted submissive in their presence, it weighed on me and I hated myself every time I had to visit them. As they would never allow me to be myself, I could not psychologically be myself around them. Each visit with my adoptive mother where I was treated like a stupid person that had no value, no intelligence and nothing I would was taken seriously. When I left my adoptive parent's home I would contemplate suicide for days until their abrasive control of me wore off. It was then when I realized "I am not one of your fans"
"Not one of your friends" and I would never choose these people to be in my life that make me want to kill myself. They make me feel worthless, like a parasite where I have no purpose and I have not yet (in 40 years) proved myself worthy to live or breath. I am just allowed to exist because of my adoptive parents status gives me a shred of allowance to exist in the world but only under their yolk of conditional acceptance. They have warded me many times that I am nothing, and nobody outside of them. But outside of them I am free to talk and be listened to by people that like me for myself where there is no reward for being my friend except my friendship.
The friends that I chose to be in my life, friends that see value in me, friends that can see my humanity and love me for my flaws are all outside of my adoptive parent's world.
When I went No-Contact I began my real life journey to find my true-self and not be ashamed of who I am as my adoptive parents have been ashamed of me throughout my entire life.