About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Invalidating the Adopted Child's Emotions, Feelings and Needs

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Invalidating and Disqualifying the Adopted Child's Personal & Individual Needs
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The psychological manipulation that adopted children are forced to endure when their attempts hide their true self fail. When the adopted child trusts their adoptive parent too much that they do not learn the irrational adoptive mother's extreme reactive punishments are a pattern intentionally created to interact with them alone, while the adoptive parent's biological offspring receive maternal instinct nurturing, mirroring and bonding.

The conscious or unconscious behavior to Invalidate the adopted child is not merely disagreeing with what they have said. It is a process in which adoptive parents communicate to the adopted child, their target of invalidation, that the child's opinions and emotions are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, insane, and wrong. Invalidating parent directly or indirect that their adopted child's views and feelings do not count for anything to anybody at any time or in any way. In some adoptive families, the invalidation is extreme, leading to verbal, psychological and physical abuse. Invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in subtle and confusing manners.


The adopted child's fundamental conflict was between her need to express her true nature ( biological self-actualization ) and do what was expected by adoptive parents and society. The dysfunctional family systems conflict between the forces of individuality and strength of solidarity. The adopted child conflict suppress parts of themselves that do not conform to what adoptive parents believe and expect of them, but the removal is never complete. Adopted child will disqualify their true beliefs just in case it is unacceptable to adoptive parents. If it is, then they can claim that they were just badly understood.
Unfortunately, when someone disqualify what they say in this way, other people listening are on shaky ground when trying to determine what is actually communicated to them. Communications are very confused. In fact, when listeners think they have a solution to this, these people may contradict, leaving listeners to begin to doubt their own perceptions about what was said. In other words, when a person is disqualified, they are often incapacitating the person listening. The two concepts go hand in hand.                                                               
Our balance is lost when we are invalidated and feel aggression from someone we have a really close bond with.The impact of adoptive parent's disqualifying language lives on forever in the mind of the adopted child. Adopted children don’t forget hurtful words and can't erase their adoptive parent’s verbal and physical aggression from their minds. Language, tone and facial expression communicate negative meaning when used to invalidate an adopted child. In the depths of our memory we forever remember the hateful comment that an adoptive family member made. Even today, we painfully remember certain words or phrases that came from someone you love. The impact of language is surprisingly enduring. Children don’t forget hurtful words easily, and people don’t erase their partner’s verbal aggression from their minds.
Words that lack affection create serious holes in our souls. Holes of loneliness and isolation in adopted children, and pits of disappointment and bitterness in adopted children who are wounded by their adoptive parents.
The destructive power of words in human communication, and the most common ways people use words to destroy.
  • Devaluing: This type of communication uses words that seek to diminish the value of a person. They take away all importance from everything that person says and does, and they use language to discredit and subtracts value from everything they are, their entire essence. 
  • Disqualification: In this case, one does not seek to devalue, but invalidate. They go one step further and use words like “you are not worth anything,” “you are the most awkward person in the world,” “you are lower than the soles of everyone’s shoes.”
  • De-confirmation: This type of communication aims to nullify the other person completely. The first two seek to devalue and humiliate, while this one seeks to ignore. It doesn’t matter if the child is good or bad; they will be ignored. It doesn’t matter if the child is by the side of the person they love; they will be treated like an empty space. As if they didn’t exist…

Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. It is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it.
Constant invalidation is one of the most significant reasons adopted child with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life. A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotional brain, one of nature's most basic survival tools. To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will be seriously and permanently impaired. The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. 
Recent research by Thomas R. Lynch, Ph.D. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). Further, emotion inhibition significantly predicted psychological distress, including depression and anxiety symptoms.) Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal. This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. None of this feels good, and all of it damages us. The more different from the mass norm an adopted child is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated. When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities.
Psychological invalidation is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It kills confidence, creativity and individuality. Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Each person's feelings are real. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature, "psychological murder", or "soul murder." Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile. 
  • Adopted child is told "they shouldn't feel the way they feel"
  • Adopted child is dictated "not to feel the way they feel"
  • Adopted child is told "they are too sensitive, too dramatic"
  • Adopted child is ignored.
  • Adopted child is judged.
  • Adopted child is told to believe there is something wrong with them 
  • for feeling how they feel.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Verbal Abuse Perpetrated By Adoptive Mother

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Verbal Abuse Perpetrated By Adoptive Mother
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Verbal abuse in the adoptive family is hidden from the outside world, family members and friends. The adopted child has no way to protect herself from the person she seeks love from. The adopted child is forced to endure the abusive adoptive mother as she wants adoptive mother’s love, her approval, and considers her an authority.The adopted child believes what the adoptive mother say to her about her. 
The verbally abusive adoptive mother not only creates the world adopted child lives in but dictates how events in it are to be interpreted.
Verbal abuse largely plays out in secret because it stays within the walls of the adoptive home and only leaves marks on the adopted child's psyche. The unloving adoptive mother denies that her words hurt. The adoptive mother will blame her adopted child's emotional response to her words on the adopted child’s being “too sensitive.”  “too dramatic” adoptive mothers assign and label the "problem" adopted child. Adoptive mothers justify their use of punitive and harsh words. Marginalizing the adopted child’s achievements “If you got an A, the test must have been really easy”—can be shrugged off by a mother as an effort to make sure “she doesn’t get a swelled head.” Disparaging adopted child in highly personal ways “You’re lazy", "no-good” or “Why can’t you be more like your brother” (her biological son) is often represented as something done for “her own good” or as “discipline” for an “unruly” adopted child, “putting her on the right path” as she is destined for problems, being adopted.
The adoptive mother's intentional abusive words and the deliberate silences, that are aimed at breaking a daughter’s heart and spirit that matter too. Again, these are “justified” in the scheme of adoptive family life. Refusing to answer adopted child’s plea for help, telling her that she “should know better” why she’s being punished or ignored. A mother’s refusal to look at her adopted child, as experts have asserted, isolating adopted child in another room for time-out can carry great consequence for the adopted child’s vision of self.
Adopted children internalize the messages their adoptive mothers communicate and avoidance behaviors. A child who is well-loved, listened to, and given support internalizes the message that she is worthy, competent, and safe. 
The adopted child is told they are a failure, a disappointment and not worthy of the adoptive mother's attention and effort. The adopted child internalizes the negative messages and they become the inner voice of self-criticism. Self-criticism is a destructive habit of mind in which the person attributes a bad outcome not to external factors but to specific traits about the child's self. Self-criticism plays a repeating mental loop in the unloved adopted child's head, reminding the child they are not wanted, unworthy, and not loved as consequence of mother's verbal abuse.

Emotionally Abusive New Adoptive Mother

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Emotional Abusive New Adoptive Mother
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Article:What Your Child Remembers (nospank.net)

When adopted child is reprimanded, an image of the scolder’s looks of disapproval gets stored in the lateral tegmental limbic area of the brain. The growing child and adult judge their own behaviour through the lens of these stored inner representations, which are imprinted as images charged with feelings of shame. These inner visual and auditory records of the shamer usually – but not always - operate beneath conscious awareness. The experience of parents setting healthy boundaries literally grows the child’s orbitofrontal brain, whose purpose it is to contain and regulate raw emotion. But when the parent imposes limits, for some time following the symbiotic time of infancy, the toddler feels a degree of hurt and betrayal. This developmentally necessary change in the parent-child relationship is emotionally stressful. It is important that the parent soothe the toddler after imposing restrictions on him, to help him cope with his ‘shame-stress’. Reassurance of the parent’s love repairs the child’s wounded ‘self’ and restores his self-confidence. If parents diligently assist with their child’s shame–repair, he soon learns to take over, and based on his parents’ role modelling, repair his own shame when needed. Inner representations - stored as emotional and narrative memory in the brain - of a soothing and reassuring parent are used later in life as a template for shame-repair. This internal portrait of a reassuring adult is essential so that as an adult the individual won’t be disabled or overly inhibited by experiences of shame. Though this process is usually unconscious, it secures our ability to self-soothe, and to recover from shame when needed.

Psychological and social problems arise when a child grows up with too many images of a disapproving face stored in the brain centres that store implicit memory, without the subsequent images of a soothing and reassuring adult. A child that lacks these positive images, stored in his emotional memory centres, is at risk of slipping into depression, becoming overly inhibited, or defensively hostile.

By the end of the first year, the infant has stored an internal representation of her mother’s loving face in the area connecting the anterior temporal and the orbitofrontal cortices. These images, though rarely consciously remembered, form the basis for an internal working model of relationships. It is as if the child has filed a video-clip of her mother in her brain’s ‘hard-disk’. Henceforth, these inner representations will animate her core emotional responses, forming the basis of her fundamental relationship style. When she feels her emotional needs are consistently attended to, this engenders in the child an enduring expectation of a supportive world. This attitude is pervasive and unconscious, and it inclines the child toward friendly and considerate behaviour.

From the earliest moments of life, parental nurturance shapes the child’s emotional make-up, literally altering the course of brain-growth. One of the key elements of secure parent-child attachment is affectionate eye-contact. A parent’s sustained, loving gaze and smile suffuses infants with indescribable joy. What ensues is a cascade of dopamine, endogenous opioids, enkephalins and endorphins in the baby’s brain - all feel-good chemicals associated with loving relations. This joy-precipitated surge of brain chemicals promotes the maturation of precise regions of the cortex, which are concerned with healthy regulation of emotion later in life. Every baby requires this kind of nourishing experience regularly and frequently, for healthy brain development

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Adoptee's-Recurring-Abandonment-Dreams

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Adoptee's Recurring Abandonment Dreams
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The recurring dream that haunts my ever present, is an abandonment dream that devastates my waking hours until I can distract myself enough to temporary forget it. My recurring dream began when I fell completely in love and and felt magically love in return for the first time in my life. I was in my mid twenties, had two children and lived independently alone for the first time when the dreams began. I have a serious sleep disorder where I talk, hit and act-out my dreams while sleeping. The dreams commenced with the focus on my new love abandoning me. In each dream he would abandon me in a different way. The boyfriend would wake me up and ask me what I was dreaming about and I answer honestly each time. Four years later he grew tired of me and disappeared from my life without saying a word, just gone. I came home from work one day and all of his clothes were gone, I was devastated and cried for the first time in ten years. Now 17 years later, he is still haunting my dreams like the abandoning dreams I had when we were together never stopped happening. Each dream has a different miserable ending where I am publicly humiliated, shunned and disgraced.  I wake up crying, feeling these miserable emotions of humiliation, ashamed and loose my dignity all over again. These dreams are dreaded as I suffer the REAL and LIVED LOSS over and over again. This recurring dream reminds me as I wake that I have again lost my sense of self, feel the sting of shame from being unworthy that I am constantly drowning in my waking life. 

The recurring dream is about being ABANDONED. The circumstances of the relationship where I was an adult that for the first time in my life invested my complete trust in another human being and felt for the first time LOVED by another. In my mind I knew it was too wonderful to last as I began to have recurring dreams of my beloved abandoning me. The significance of the relationship ending, was the first time as an adult that I experienced my own feelings and emotions of excruciating pain and suffering that comes when being abandoned. 

The True Spontaneous Reaction
The significance of my first adult experience authentically reacting to being abandoned. My uncontrolled sobbing, weeping and uncontrolled crying a river of tears on the kitchen floor. The complete absence of my reliable defense mechanisms to repress and suppress my emotions could not be found on this powerfully symbolic monumental reaction to being abandoned. This scenario of "not restricting" my authentic reaction happened again twice in adulthood both related to my adoptive father verbally abandoning me, and my adoptive parents together expelling me from their family. Where I fell down with uncontrolled weeping in my driveway. 

My recurring dream has everything to do with being adopted because of the specific emotions and feelings that are provoked. I feel shame, humiliation, unworthy, guilty of being undeserving, not good enough and a disappointment as anyone that invests their time in me is wasted. My self-hatred grows inward as the cruel messages from my supposed "loved ones" told me throughout my adopted childhood that I am the failure, the problem and the complication of their adoption for being me. The responsibility for the burning bridge is me standing there with the matches, I always tell me that I brought it on myself and I deserve all of the misery that I make by attempting to connect with others. My adoptive parents are usually in my recurring dream, shaming, blaming and publicly humiliating me. The message of my nightmare is I deserve to be abandoned, humiliated and should be ashamed of myself for not living up to expectations, for ruining the fairy tale with my presence and being the monumental disappointment to my adoptive parents, I am responsible for all of the adoptive family's problems till the day I die.

Being Abandoned at birth to be sold into adoption bondage as the fairy tale goes the "forever adoptive family" will never abandon the adopted child. The reality is that 25% and higher of adopted children are eventually abandoned by adoptive parents. The adoption psychiatrists try to reprogram adopted children from their very real expectation of being abandoned again by adoptive parents. 
The financial efforts to pay for such reprogramming therapy as the adopted child complies with therapy and lets their guard down and trust is established, only to be eventually rejected and abandoned by adoptive parents as the final outcome. 
    
What this adult adoptee's dreams are saying to me is I can't tolerate being abandoned. I know what being abandoned feels like and dread it, as I anxiously await the next time I am abandoned for it is inevitable to the forever adopted child adult.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Adoption-Trauma definition

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Adoption Trauma
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The Adoption Trauma is not the same trauma I suffered by being forcefully removed from my first mother, psychologically abandoned interpreted by the infant's brain, to be assimilated into adoption.

"Adoption Trauma" IS being continually and chronically traumatized by the substitute adoptive mother throughout adopted childhood.
The adoptive mother's reasons for cruelty is based on her own discounting and rejecting gestures toward the adopted child that she deems unworthy of her attention. The newest excuses for torturing the adopted child are now called "post-adoption-depression, but with the adoptive mother's serious level of narcissism and sociopathic behavior that is directly focused on the adopted child is just seen as cruelty.

The messages from the rejecting adoptive mother are clear and unavoidable to the adopted child. They don't need words just a furrowed brow and scowled face when looking at you. Of course the words are horrendous as we never forget them when these words are screamed in our faces, that we are worthless, disappointing and wasted on us. When she could be giving praises to her real biological children, she is disgusted by our very being deleting precious resources from those who truly deserve them. The idea of sending the adopted child back would look bad on the adoptive mother, so she endures the unwanted stranger inside her facade of the perfection of her family.

Because the adoptive mother has no choice but to endure the adopted child in her possession, she finally finds a use for me. The scapegoat, the puppet and the receptacle for hostility. My place in the adoptive family is finally established, and I stand at my post waiting for orders from H.Q.. The Adoption Trauma is in being the repulsive agent that chemically activates the general in command's disgust. As being the outsider I am socially dependent on providing the disgust in order to fulfill the cycle of her hatred, and will remain the whipping boy for the untouchable prince known as her biological offspring.

For the adoptive mother is the queen and I the adopted child am the entertainment, the jewelry to be taken out when it suits the mother's whims. To be the hostage by choice that will fight and beg for the thought that some day I might receive acceptance, I guard my ignorant post.

There does come at some point the epiphany, where the reality of the adopted child's situation becomes unbearable and we choose to abandon this post to escape it. We cut the marionette's puppet strings and run for our lives with the hope of finding anything to fill the enormous holes within us, that define us. We are broken beyond repair and accept our brokenness as scars from the battle of good and bad. As we were once whole and the war of adopted childhood erased every shred of dignity and trust that we did not possess to begin with.


Sunday, May 14, 2017

The Dreaded Mother's-Day In the Adopted Child's Heart

ADOPTEE RAGE!

The Dreaded Mother's Day in the Adoptee's Heart.
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I dread this day most of all of the Hallmark holidays that this Condemning American Society, that is the very same society that condemned me and my precious mother to Adoption Hell.

I am supposed to celebrate mother's day and pretend that the adoptive mother that cruelly and brutally raised me is worthy of being celebrated. As my own mother suffers still fifty years later her unrelenting pain of having her newborn infant stolen from her arms and assimilated into adoption of a more deserving woman's fleeting desires to be a substitute mother to an adopted child.

The physical and mental shock of a new mother that has her baby taken by force begins her physical suffering first. Her breasts engorged with milk to feed her baby, her body is humming with the maternity chemicals to motivate her to care for her helpless newborn and her arms begin aching to hold her child close to her heart. The divine forces that equip all mothers this god given ability to nurture their offspring can never be erased with any medical antidote or legal decree.

When my mother is blackmailed, brow beaten and threatened with lies, deceptions and told that she is unworthy of humanity. They target is her soul, her trust and self-worth are relentlessly. They bombard and attacked her with poison tongues, threatening bombs, hand to hand physical combat ending with the bayonet thrust through her heart that ends the life of my mother's resistance.

They betray her with dirty politics adoption agents use are the same deceptions used by the Nazi party that carries out the unspeakable, disturbing and disgusting deeds for their cause to win the victory over the helpless. The cause is the greed of the almighty American Dollar and the victory and triumph is over the worthless pregnant female that society has already cast out. They say she is used, promiscuous and spoiled, but now the new label by society is the shocking unimaginable scorn of a selfish mother that intentionally abandons her offspring.

The destruction of the new mother's sole is justified as she has committed the most shocking selfish deed known to being human. Once she has been psychologically defeated she is discarded by the human race in disgrace. The actual "best interest" is in the hands of the wealthy adopting parent's demands for the freshest newborn baby money can buy that they hope will satisfy their selfish desires.

The devastated mother that exits the hospital empty handed was not only mentally raped, as her soul is destroyed beyond the point that can never be healed and that which has taken place can never be accepted or acknowledged.

When we accept the lies that the majority of society desperately needs to hear, we deny truth to fill ourselves with reasons to justify the lies. We loose sight of what exactly has taken place as we hide our eyes, cover our ears and speak in excuses that deny that injustice that is served on others to satisfy our selfish temporary needs.

The evil intentions of a single individual that forcefully takes the only possession from a helpless, poor, young and vulnerable woman, must be justified to force back the plague of guilt. As we suppress truth by projecting happiness we become the judge, jury and executioner of the innocent mother's sole and we say that we did her a favor.    

Saturday, May 6, 2017

"I just Wanted them to Be Happy"

ADOPTEE RAGE!

"I Just Wanted Him/Her To Be Happy"
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One persons idea of what makes themselves happy, is ignorantly
applied to everyone else. This false assumption that what makes one person happy is shared by others is false. This false assumption is the cause of abuse, neglect and family dysfunction. Adopted children are not exceptions to this rule, as no other person can know what makes an individual happy unless they are asked and told truthfully. To satisfy another with words they want to hear............Is Denying Yourself Your Truth.

Example a grandmother that enjoys knitting thinks that her grandson will be happy receiving a sweater that she knitted. The grandmother's false belief in what makes her happy, will make other people happy is not true. This reasoning is self-centered belief that ignores the grandson's individuality, his identity and proves that she does not really know her grandson or has not listened to what her grandson says about himself.
The grandmother is "projecting her own ideals onto her grandson". Projecting her own false beliefs of what how she wants her grandson to be, what she wants her grandson to enjoy and what she wants the grandson to like....her knitting.

The grandson will perpetuate his grandmother's "false projections" by lying, by falsely acknowledging or saying that he loves the knitted sweater. The grandson is not attempting to build a real interpersonal relationship with his grandmother that is based on his authentic spontaneous identity, where he would tell his grandmother what he loves, what he wants, his aspirations and dreams. If the grandson were to tell his grandmother the "truth" that he doesn't like or wear knitted sweaters, the continuation of grandmother's projecting onto her grandson would stop.

The grandmother would now begin to know who her grandson really is and enjoy the benefits of the honest and truth based relationship that is now beginning to grow as he is asserting himself as an individual, instead of the compliance based relationship that is permanently used in a "one-way" only.

The adoptive mother's projections of herself onto her adopted child is usually a compliance based, one-way dominated relationship. Where the mother is projecting her own wishes of class, elegance and being a ballet dancer. The adoptive mother is forcing her own personal preferences in the form of her own "projections" onto her adopted daughter. Where the adoptive mother forces the daughter to take ballet lessons. Yet the adopted girl child is more athletic, competitive, a natural tomboy that rough-houses everyday with her brothers. The adopted child protests ballet, she wants to take piano lessons as being musically inclined is a genetic trait from her paternal and maternal biological family.

The Adoptive Mother's Fantasy and Projection
The adoptive mother wants to be the dancer's mother sitting in the audience of a ballet production that gets recognition for her daughter the dancer, who is graceful in the leading roles of the ballet performance. Where the cast pays special recognition to the lead dancers mother sitting in the audience, who is initiated to stand up and take a bow herself, the mother is applauded by audience, cast and crew.

This is the adoptive mother's "Perception of Happiness" although a far fetched fantasy that would take the adopted child a decade minimum of ballet instruction, personal dedication, extreme financial support along with extreme dependence on the adoptive mother to undertake such a plan.

This is the adoptive mother's perception of what would make her happy. The adoptive mother believes that this same scenario would make the adopted child happy as well, from her own fantasy of ballet performances. There is no bases for reality in this scenario. In reality the adoptive mother's biological stillborn daughter might have been this career ballet dancer that made the girl's mother so proud, where the mother received the public recognition that she craves for being the mother behind the dancer.
This is the adoptive mother's "what could have been" that experts say is relegated to and a bad habit of adopted children only.

The "cognitive dissonance" applied to the adoptive mother's "failed projections" on the adopted child as a ballet dancer. Where the adoptive mother's unrealistic expectations of professional ballet ability is forced on the adopted child result in the adoptive mother's negative evaluations. The adoptive mother's voices her disapproval, depreciation, dissatisfaction and shame of the child's failure to perform the projected fantasy. The adoptive mother's resentment is not limited to the failed fantasy, The adoptive mother's resentment grows into discounting the adopted child as a whole person who is the failure.

The adopted child is held responsible for the monumental failure where the adoptive mother placed her hopes and dreams in confidence that was dependent on success of achieving reality from her fantasy. The adoptive mother's belief that the adopted child would take her fantasy and create reality, that is her perception of happiness. When the projection's transition from fantasy to reality was not created, the adoptive mother's happiness can not be achieved. The adopted child is responsible and blamed for denying the adoptive mother's much deserved happiness.

The adoptive mother's unrealistic expectation is blamed on the adopted child's negligence to live up to or perform expectations. The adoptive mother negatively reevaluates the adopted child as responsible and liable for her misery. Where the adoptive mother is verbally scornful, physically abusive and mentally vindictive to punish the selfishness of the adopted child, as the adoptive mother believes the adopted child deliberately refused her happiness. The adoptive mother's perception of happiness is shared exactly the same by the adopted child, that is not true.
The monumental disappointments that are based on one person's idea of happiness is not shared by anyone other than that individual. Not even wishful thinking can make this true.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

List of Negligible Adoptive Parent Behaviors, Adoption Domination Insights

ADOPTEE RAGE!

List of Negligible Adoptive Mother Behaviors
Insight Looking Back at Adopted-Domination
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#1. Adopting a child to replace stillborn child, to save face publicly and avoid the grieving process.
#2. To replace a dead child with an adopted child, Adoptive Mother's Quote "I Just Wanted A Baby".
#3. To ignore and deny her own childhood abuse, neglect and family dysfunction then replicate abuse in her own family.
#4. To allow, participate and perpetuate in alcoholism, domestic violence and physical abuse in the presence of children.
#5. Psychological control, domination and manipulation of the adopted child, telling me "your thoughts are wrong" but spare her biological sons from the need to overreact to situations.
#6. Using adopted child as a prop for her charity activism seeking public recognition.
#7. Welcoming public discussions, talking and gossiping about the adopted child & adoption with others, about me-in front of me.
#8. Assigning genetic-blame for any problem or disappointment.
#9. Ignoring & denying adopted child's grief, loss and heartache.
#10. Teasing & jokes in place of empathy for the adopted child.
#11. Blaming and focus all problems on "terrible teens" denying any adoption related issues of anxiety, shame and pain.
#12. Being shamed repeatedly for adoption related emotions & feelings "your too dramatic", "your too sensitive", you should not be ashamed, when humiliated in public about adopted - different.
#13.Threatening & punishing adopted child for feeling anger.
#14. Introducing "my adopted child", not my child.
#15. Telling everyone, new teachers & others "she is adopted"
#16. Threatening punishment of a doctor visit or counselling therapy as punishment. Sending me to counselling and telling the therapist to "fix her". Yet refusing counselling herself.
#17. Extreme reliance on other's opinions, gossip and pseudo science regarding adopted child issues. Refusing to read any books on adoption or adopted child issues.
#18. Physical abuse the punishment of choice was react-in-anger and strike me in the face. The last time on my 40th birthday, She threatened to strike the look off my face and I told her I was going to hit her in the face if she does strike me.
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My Insight Looking Back at Adopted-Domination

It was at this point in my life that I realized that I would never have the privilege, normal age related existence of being an adult
in the presence of my adoptive parents. This epiphany was realized while still existing in the "adoption Fog", playing the adopted-child-role for their benefit only, in front of them. This constitutes the reality that I hated playing this child-role and hated myself for going along with it. I had to escape their domination in order to find my lost self. Although I only acted submissive in their presence, it weighed on me and I hated myself every time I had to visit them. As they would never allow me to be myself, I could not psychologically be myself around them. Each visit with my adoptive mother where I was treated like a stupid person that had no value, no intelligence and nothing I would was taken seriously. When I left my adoptive parent's home I would contemplate suicide for days until their abrasive control of me wore off. It was then when I realized "I am not one of your fans"
"Not one of your friends" and I would never choose these people to be in my life that make me want to kill myself. They make me feel worthless, like a parasite where I have no purpose and I have not yet (in 40 years) proved myself worthy to live or breath. I am just allowed to exist because of my adoptive parents status gives me a shred of allowance to exist in the world but only under their yolk of conditional acceptance. They have warded me many times that I am nothing, and nobody outside of them. But outside of them I am free to talk and be listened to by people that like me for myself where there is no reward for being my friend except my friendship.
The friends that I chose to be in my life, friends that see value in me, friends that can see my humanity and love me for my flaws are all outside of my adoptive parent's world.
When I went No-Contact I began my real life journey to find my true-self and not be ashamed of who I am as my adoptive parents have been ashamed of me throughout my entire life.