Adoptee's Acknowledging Adoption Pain
Our society thinks that adoption is a one time event
that the child can't remember, that is constantly celebrated by the adoptive parent. The reality for the adopted child
is that we were torn away at birth from our family,
stripped of our identity and forced to live a lie that
benefits the adoptive parent strangers self-esteem.
Although the adopted child's self-esteem is diminished by
providing self-esteem to the adoptive parent by accepting
the adoption lie and denying our own truth.
When we deny ourselves the truth, and live as a puppet
to serve a master, we hate ourselves.
Child Adoption is a lifelong burden to the adopted person
if we acknowledge this truth to ourselves, we don't hate ourselves. We hate adoption, but there is nothing we can do about this fact other than accept it and experience the bad emotions that accompany something that was forced on us when we could not defend ourselves. The truth of forced adoption is that it is a complete injustice to the child, that we had no say when we were young. Now that we are adults we can control what we believe,
but to deny this truth that carries enormous pain each time we are reminded by others that we don't fit. We must acknowledge our emotional pain, it was always there and it will always continue to exist, regardless of biological reunions, good or bad adoptive parents, to deny our pain creates the adoptee's burden of anxiety that accompanies this denial. The more that we mentally acknowledge the pain, verbally talk about our emotional pain, write about this pain and think about it....we let this smoldering infection to co-exist within us, and allow it to be. The adoption pain we feel has nothing to do with the quality of parenting, the number of parents, nothing to do with reunion or building new relationships. There is nothing that defines this adoption pain, unless we deny it, then it has the capacity to control us because we pretend it does not exist. The Adoptee's adoption pain stands alone, it has its own category and is an entity, a manifestation of the many traumatic situations we have survived and is the experience that we dread and refuse to feel. When we allow this pain to live through us, it no longer has the power over us when we try to avoid these dreadful related emotions from being adopted. I will allow my adoption pain his own space as denying that it exists has taken away too many years trying to avoid it. That bad emotional feeling in the pit of my stomach, that comes without warning, as I suppress it.....it morphs into something else that causes me to feel anxiety. When I realize, remember and acknowledge that I am feeling this adoption related pain again, I feel down, sad, alone and then suddenly it is gone as quick as it manifested. Thank you adoption pain for that short visit, may all of your future visits be short and shorter. I am beginning to heal.