Maternal Biological Reunion
The adult adoptee searches to find their long lost mother
that is using their child mentality of what they missed out
on in their absent maternal bond. Being alone in the world
as we survived until the age that we are now we don't realize
the magnitude of sorrow that our biological mother's suffered.
We don't think about what coping mechanisms that our mother has used to survive our abandonment.
Our biological mothers were forced to believed in, live these lies and bought-into the flawed propaganda that the adoption advertising and marketing provided her. The only thing that was certain in her mind was that she was told the new parents were superior to her love and nurturing, that we would receive better resources, two parent stability and financial benefits. The biological mother has no choice but to believe in the propaganda of adoption promises. The mothers that chose to deny these lies
would be forced to live in uncertainty, wondering daily if their child was being abused or thrown out of the adoptive home and living on the streets. The human need for continuity causes most relinquishing mothers to chose the propaganda as a form of comfort over those who see the truth and live their lives in torment.
The relinquishing mothers that needed to believe that their child went to a better place, compartmentalized the adopted child psychologically, to be not their child, but the child of others.
The mothers that used religion to justify their abandonment, believe that god provided the new parents for her. This wishful thinking that is not concrete proof of the child being better off without her, mentally closed the door on the adopted child and went on with her life in comfort and chose to forget her child.
The Stone-Cold Mother
The psychological manipulations of adoption agents that were internalized by relinquishing mothers to be able to move on are the same mothers that would go on to reject the found adult child in the future. As this group of relinquishing mothers sees the needy adult adoptee as wanting to take something away from her. She is suspicious of her lost child's sudden return, she may hire a private investigator to investigate the adoptee as she believes this bastard child only wants money from her. The adult adoptee is not the baby she relinquished long ago. This adult that shows up is classic example of the psychological "projection theory". Where a person despises everything about you, but don't realize these same characteristics are what the projector does not like about themselves. The stone-cold mother is what I found in reunion. My biological mother refused to acknowledge the loss, refused to be overwhelmed by relinquishing her newborn infant. She refused to allow herself to think about it and refused to talk about it keeping her from any form of temporary healing from the adoption.
As the relinquishing mother that refused to identify her monumental loss as she went on with her life pretending all was fine. This "refuser mother" instantly began using defense coping mechanisms from her (young immature self, PTSD caused developmental arrest at age of relinquishment) to cope with everyday life. The coping mechanisms used in the raising of her next two children were to be unavailable to them. She intentionally works the shift that keeps her away from her kids during the waking hours. The adoption propaganda believed in for self preservation to a flaw #1.) She uses baby sitters to care for her children (as she is incapable of being a good mother) #2.) as she believes that money is the most essential part of parenting. The belief in Adoption Propaganda she is forced to internalize this message in for self preservation, and now this message is keeping her from loving and nurturing her kept children.
The adoption agent's propaganda told her that she was #1.) not good enough and #2.) not enough money to parent her biological child. The damage from the original relinquishment effects the rest of her life although she would deny this, her behavior and motivations speak the truth of the denial of traumatic event's impact.
The belief that the relinquished child went to family that was "better than she as a person is" attacks her at a whole person level, the "relinquishing mother as a person or human being is inadequate". The defense mechanisms to combat being told you are nothing or worthless "numbing", "closing off", protecting ourselves from "being vulnerable" includes distancing yourself from the offending insult. The injury and offence is the adoption, the relinquishing mother must escape from these self-esteem destroying adoption condemnations that render the mother unworthy of being a person or being human. The distance from the adoption situation is never far enough as the damage and injury is to her psyche, to her person she must escape and pretend this never happened to go on where denial creates a safe haven. Although her behavior and personality directly reflect the tragedy that adoption caused.
When the adopted away child appears, they are not the infant that was relinquished. They are a grown up person that the relinquishing mother is suspicious of. The needs of a broken adoptee are so great that the mother sees as a disturbing demand for her attention that she has buried long ago. All that might brake her psychologically is possibly seen in the needy behavior of the adult adoptee. Everything the mother has based her life on has proven to be false. The adoption guarantees are suddenly falling apart and now seen as lies that the relinquishing mother based her life on. The adoption propaganda that was meant to be a marketing sales pitch, was taken seriously by many mothers and utilized for their survival purposes. As the propaganda unravels, so does the relinquishing mother's stability, if she allows even the slightest empathy toward the lost adopted child a flood of emotions may result. She must remain in control as she never addresses the psychological injury that she suffered her personality and behavior show her unbearable pain and suffering. She is at a crossroad that would take her perception of stability that she has achieved with age and bring her straight back to the child she was on the day her baby was born. That road of regret, unbearable suffering and psychological insult that she worked so hard to hold inside the exploding volcano.
arise from being told that you as a person are insufficient
We forget to think about how the years have treated her and