Adoption's Demanding All-Or-Nothing Mentality
The truth that the adopted child was FIRST a biological child that was conceived and born to their biological mother and was a unique member of their own biological and extended family. Without the newborn infant's consent we were taken against our will from the body and arms of our beloved mother.
The cries of our protest were ignored and we were forced into a legal binding contract that we never signed, we never agreed to that is forced on us for the rest of our existence in social expectations. We adopted children have no control over our life or future as we were expected to assimilate into a group of strangers based on our lack of choice and perceived lack of cognitive ability. We are expected to swallow our pain, discontent, true self
and emotional feelings and pretend to coexist in the adoptive family.
When the adopted adolescent perceives adoption's impact, we want the life that was taken away from our biological childhood and we want it back. We want to take our place in our family back and be the person that we were always meant to be. The real person that we are punished for being, we want to have the ability to be who we really are, instead we are bullied into continuing the charade and playing "acting" the adopted-child-role for the benefit of our adoptive parents.
Yet this "adopted child role" is not who we are, it is who the adoptive parent wants us to be and is purely a fiction for their benefit that makes us hate ourselves. The most painful aspect of our existence is lying to ourselves about who we really are and we are not this adopted child role. The adoptee has lived a lie for 18 years and longer to keep other people happy, compromised our own true selves as we work hard at denying our true-self happiness.
Due to the amount of effort we make at denying ourselves, we feel we don't have a choice or out of sheer fear to avoid a psychiatric hospital imprisonment where they will drug us or use cruse and shocking therapies to brake us into submission out of fear. As our adoption personality is based on fear they use fear as a tool to keep us in submissive control.
The submissive control based in fear is the glue that keeps the adopted child from showing our true self and why we are a hostage victim to adoption. All or nothing is the underlying message that we have been told be the good adoptee or we will send you back. Devote yourself to the adoptive parent or be dammed in their eyes. Being dammed, betrayed and kicked out of the only family that would tolerate you is sometimes better than lying to ourselves for the rest of our lives.
Then why do they wonder what happened when we disappear, when we search out any alternative to the hell we live in adoption we are labeled "mentally ill" or "personality disordered"? The only personality disorder was being forced to maintain the false persona of the adopted-child-role. They demand "all or nothing" which becomes in-bedded into our twisted hard-wiring about the world.
Adult adoptees go on the expect "All or Nothing" in our everyday lives of which is not a normal expectation in interpersonal relationships. As all or nothing was expected of us adopted children which is a product of abnormal adoption conditioning, and now we are stuck with this expectation that is not something that applies to human relationships. We think we can apply this rule in our everyday lives and when failure is always the result we wonder why? We were expected to adhere to this disturbing rule but the world of normal people does not accept such demands.
The adult adoptee must come to an understanding that the "Adoption Fog" is filled with these unrealistic expectations. Seeing the world in "black or white", all-good or all-bad, is an adoption term and also the result of an immature mind.
We adoptees must unlearn these "adoption development conditioning" that is almost always not normal behavior or thinking and only applies to the distorted world of "adoption dynamics". When we come out of the adoption fog we must re-learn or invent new ways of living and thinking as the way we were raised in our adoptive homes was usually distorted.
The adoption dynamics that create new and unhealthy coping mechanisms including denial of the truth was all part of the adoption fog that caused this child buying frenzy in the first place. Adoption marketing becomes utilized into the adoption relationships that are not healthy and not normal ways to conduct ourselves and abnormal ways to hold a child mental hostage by guilt, control and manipulation.