About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

The Alien Adopted Child & Reunion Recovery


Biological Reunion is a Group Effort in Recovery ___________________________________________________________

                                     The long ago lost biological child adopted to strangers is an alien to those
strangers, in the adoptive family. When the adult adoptee finds the courage   and resources to find their biological family they are an alien to their genetic family. The adult adoptee is not trusted, suspect and their family is suspicious   of them. It seems that our society does not believe the estranged adopted child is capable of being motivated by sentimental longing for biological connections.
Yet the basic foundation of human nature is based on blood connections, but the adopted away child is exempt from human nature and always under suspicion.

"Belonging" is defined as the evolutionary motivation of human connection for survival....to avoid being outcast from the biological clan, humans have developed inherent warning signals that alarm for potential discord from the group that result in being cast out.

The act of being cast out for adopted children, has already occurred the moment we took our first breath. The unwanted infant's protests were not herd and our mother's cries of postnatal suffering were met with discontent among the same society that blames her for her own suffering. The adopted infant's traumatic separation suffering does not lead to a better life like the advertising stated. As our separation trauma causes the abandoned infant to be forced into self recognition 12-18 months premature, where the mature baby pushes his mother away at normal development and recognizes that he is an individual as he self-separates from the mother-infant-dyad.  

No matter what kind of family we are randomly placed in we will never belong to them and they will never belong to us. There is no belonging in forced adoption as no child would ever choose or want to be adopted. This is the social stigma that is actually true of how society sees adopted children as it is never normal but is common. And the perspective of the adopting parent is never shared by the cognitively aware adopted child. For the adopting mother's perspective is her own self unfulfilling prophecy where she relies on denial to get her through the day in dealing with a stranger's offspring. The truth can only be seen when we are honest with ourselves about what motivates us to act on compulsive solutions to our personal problems. 

Adoptive parenting can only bring the adopting parent joy during infancy and childhood innocence. When the adopted child begins to develop cognitive awareness, the fairy tales quickly fade into reality for the unwanted child. Adolescence is simply the time of cognitive development that nurtures the child's ability to develop identity, when you are adopted the identity can never be reached because we lack the tools, the people and the information necessary to develop the coherent identity that is ideal for normal healthy individuals. We never belonged to our original families or our adoptive family and the best thing that the adult adoptee can hope for is to belong to ourselves, where there is no social community to judge us. We may try to reconnect with our origins but the biological family that has gone on without us can only see an alien that looks similar to them trying to recover something that they are not able to provide.

The biological family can be extremely healing when we place no blame, and only seek to build new relationships with our biological over time and space with commitments of effort and courage. Through patience we begin to fill the wholes of our wounding with things we never knew, the gentle and kindnesses that are devotedly coveted by adoptees and held in our hearts like precious stones. Over time the voids turn flat and our minds begin to learn new things from our precious biological relationships that evolve into some form of love, wisdom and insight instead of loss, we now can only see what we have found each new day in reunion recovery. And the day may come where the adoptee can find peace within ourselves and gratitude in our own patience as we are dedicate to any kindness that is bestowed upon us by our biological relationships.     

Wednesday, July 19, 2017



Running Away From Ourselves

Our Mother Ran Away...
Our Father Ran Away...
We Ran Away....

And We Ran Away Again... 

Now we continue to run away psychologically, as it is the only escape that adopted children can fathom living in a family of abusive, hostile strangers.
In adult adoptees, the only way to escape the unfamiliar group, the unknown sounds and the perpetual noise that can't be turned down. The misery of relationships where everyone takes from us and forces on us things we refuse.
Closeness, intimacy is like finger nails on a chalkboard as everyone continues to want to own us. They constantly take from our energy depleting our self worth in an attempt to devour our individual existence. They refer to us as "we" instead of she or he. I am not anyone's we, can not and will never be. I am only me, of course I continue to run away from me and hate my weakness and needs. I long for what I can never experience, to accept love would annihilate me and now know that affection is something that I can never give to anyone especially myself. I was forced into this state at birth separation and will never change, I don't ever want to change as I am finally trying to accept who I am.
Therapists want to rewire the brain, erase the trauma and shock my injured psyche into social submission for the benefit of the adopters....so they can feel loved. Therapy has nothing to do with the adoptee. Only to further brake our spirit to be more socially acceptable. Yet the social realm of is the same society that took me away from my biology and genetic family, so why would I ever chose to deaden my brain functions through therapy to mesh with them?
The reality for adult adoptees is trauma, complex and developmental trauma at the hands of what society deemed acceptable, the perfect adoptive home. The only forever in my adoption is the abuse I suffered perpetrated by my adoptive parents, as it forever rains their condemnations and bruises in my head.  

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Adopted Child Outsider Watching Other kids Play


The Adopted Child Outsider Watching Kids Play

The adopted child stands alone at every recess time, never having the courage or self esteem to join any activity. Nor does the adopted child yet comprehend the older adopted child's best used skill of looking engaged, pretending to be doing something important or impersonating the scholarly student by acting like they are reading a large book at recess giving the perception that they are doing something important so that the other kids will not notice them. The adopted child experiences intense anxiety at school every time the bell rings for morning recess, lunch and afternoon recess. I was this socially disturbed adopted child that woke up in the morning dreading the three recesses that would take place each school day and wondering what I could do to be invisible at recess. 
There is no place at recess for the adopted child to go, no place on the playground to hide and is forced to stand out in the open looking obviously out of place and horrified with anxiety while all of the adopted child's classmates notice that there is something seriously wrong with that kid who stands there looking dumb, doing nothing.  The overwhelming feeling of dread when you are an adopted child watching the other children play and engage in activities while never daring to enter the social realm of recess for exasperated fear of being further ostracized. I was never bullied in elementary school as the same children attended from kindergarten through sixth grade although and were familiar but no child relationships existed. I never had any friends in or out of school, I couldn't relate to myself, to my adoptive family and I lived in constant fear of my adoptive mother's threats, punishments and bizarre mood swings aimed at me alone, not her biological offspring.  
I was bullied, neglected and dumped off frequently anywhere possible and convenient to her where she could temporarily rid herself of her burden adopted child. Dumped off often extremely late to and from school for all of the children to witness, by my irresponsible, self-centered adoptive mother yet the teachers blamed me for constantly disrupting their class from being tardy. 
I possessed no social skills, no education skills and showed only fear by my cowering posture in the presence of my adoptive mother. The early childhood neglect, lacking any parent-child interaction I was only told or punished which caused me to only develop fear response to my primary caregiver. Preschool, kindergarten were a waste of time as I was only put there as a form of babysitting. My development was arrested and I never reached milestones that are suggested for adopted children, these are exceptionally slower than normal functioning in offspring children. The adoptive family thought that I was retarded and were more angry toward me that fueled the label of a burden. When adoptive parents do not interact with adopted children, no social skills are learned by the adopted child. Where the home is dysfunctional, alcoholism and domestic violence, there is no place to develop educational skills or social skills.
I was sent to the free babysitter each day, also known as elementary school lacking social skills and absent of emotional regulation skills except for "don't have them or show emotions", It is no wonder that teachers thought that I was retarded. I was taught to be silent, do not tough anything and only speak when spoken to, which made me comfortable sitting in my desk at school. I knew nothing of school work, and homework was non-existent in my emotional roller-coaster parent dominated house. I was never helped, asked about or experienced any adoptive parent interest in my absent school work of any given day. My grades were consistent "D's" and "F's" from my attempts to do the actual schoolwork as an immature, socially retarded and lacking any educational foundation in a psychologically alone adopted child. I can say that I did pretty good in elementary school considering my chaotic adoptive parent environment. Social skills are still completely difficult as I misread people, messages and content. I still relive my adoptive parent's hostility and fear toward me, but I have learned to compartmentalize it, like I do with everything else. Friendships are something that is far too complicated a subject when you are adopted to invest any intimacy. As "all relationships do and will eventually end" and by keeping my internal state of at birth detachment survival, they hurt less and do not brake me anymore when you lived each day of your life in adoption bondage you know that deep down inside are incapable of human bonding. 

What If's In Adoption:
If I were adopted by an older, more educated and psychologically stable and mentally healthy adoptive parents, it is possible that I would have been psychologically nurtured, I would have experienced positive interpersonal relationships with my adoptive parents that promoted my learning of social skills, educational skills and then I would have learned to trust and allow myself the rare opportunity to accept being loved . Being a "Postmortem Adopted Child" being adopted to replace a stillbirth child has scientific studies with documented bad psychopathic outcomes as psychotherapist warn adopting agencies against giving adopted children to mothers of recently dead children.   Unfortunately in my case profit was more important than the future health of adopted child.        

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Long-Term Effects in Emotion Processing From Maltreatment


Long-term Effects Emotional Processing in Neglected & Abused Children

This study outlines the cause and effect of adopted child's malfunctioning in the adoptive family

Long-term Effects of Child Abuse and Neglect on Emotion Processing in Adulthood

 A key component of social competence is emotion processing, which includes emotion perception, communication, interpretation, and regulation of emotion (). Emotions function to provide information about the environment and prepare for a behavioral response, triggering the appetitive or defensive systems, depending on the situation (). Theories of emotion suggest that behavioral responses to emotions are directly related to emotion processing (). This paper brings together research on child maltreatment, emotional development, and psychopathology to examine the consequences of child abuse and neglect for emotion processing in adulthood.

Childhood Maltreatment and Emotion Processing

In general, child maltreatment has been found to disrupt the normal process of emotional development. First, studies of maltreating parents suggest that they show less positive emotion and more negative emotion than non-abusive parents (). It is also believed that maltreating parents tend to be isolated themselves and to isolate their children from interaction with others, providing fewer nonparental models of emotional communication ().
Second, a child who receives inconsistent or harsh caregiving has difficulty predicting the consequences of his/her behavior () and this may be manifest in deficits in processing emotional information. For example, maltreated children have been found to show specific deficits in understanding (), recognizing (), and expressing emotion () and are at risk for exhibiting social delays (), deficits in empathy (), and decreased engagement in prosocial behavior (). These findings reveal general deficits in emotion processing in maltreated children, but the question remains about whether these deficits would persist into adulthood.
Using tests of facial emotion recognition (FER),  found that children with physical abuse histories were better able to identify facial displays of anger compared to controls. Several other studies using event-related potentials and behavioral evidence have found a sensitivity bias to perceive anger in physically abused children () and, more generally, in a sample of maltreated children (). In an attempt to explain these findings, suggested that in abusive home environments children learn to associate anger with threat of harm and therefore, they are hypervigilant to anger in their environment.  elaborated on this theory to suggest that maltreated children become better prepared to identify threatening situations through hypervigilance of emotions. For example, these children may be more sensitive to anger in their abuser and fear of those around them because both sensitivities could help them identify threat quickly and potentially avoid additional abuse (). Consistent with these theories,  have shown that maltreated children show enhanced selective attention to angry facial expressions posed by their mothers. Thus, this body of research would suggest that individuals with histories of childhood physical abuse might be less likely to show deficits in processing negative emotional pictures and more likely to show deficits for pictures with positive or neutral valence.
Very little research has examined emotion recognition in neglected children. In earlier research,  found that neglecting parents were less expressive and engaged with little exchange of affective information in interactions with their children and, thus, provided less support in learning to understand emotions more generally. Impoverished social and emotional environments, which are often present in cases of neglect, prevent the development of normal emotional skills () and may cause a blunted pattern of emotional reactivity (). reported that neglected children had more difficulty in recognizing emotional expressions in a vignette than a control group or physically abused children. When rating the similarity between facial expressions of different emotions, neglected children saw fewer distinctions between emotions compared to the other two groups (). However, this is the only study to investigate emotion perception deficits specific to neglected children. Most studies have included only physically abused children or maltreated children (i.e. physically abused and/or neglected children). To our knowledge, no studies have focused on sexually abused children, and the existing literature is based almost exclusively on studies of children, with no research investigating the long-term effects of childhood abuse and neglect on adult emotion processing ability.

Potential Mechanisms Linking Childhood Maltreatment and Emotion Processing

If the impact of child abuse and neglect on emotion processing extends into adulthood, what might be some of mechanisms that lead to these outcomes? Research has increasingly shown that childhood abuse and neglect can result in a cascade of negative consequences across multiple domains of functioning () that might explain an increased risk for deficits in emotion processing abilities for individuals with histories of child abuse and/or neglect. Specifically, child abuse and neglect has been associated with cognitive deficits in general and various forms of psychopathology that may lead to emotion processing deficits.
First, several studies have reported that abused and neglected children are at increased risk for lower academic performance and intelligence in childhood () and that these effects of childhood maltreatment extend into young adulthood (). Thus, it is possible that deficits in intelligence lead to general deficits in performance on processing tasks, particularly those that involve memory, and this finding may help explain why maltreated children perform worse on these tasks.
It is also possible that some of the psychological consequences that have been associated with child abuse and neglect have a negative impact on performance on emotion processing tasks in adulthood. For example, individuals with histories of abuse have been found to exhibit more symptoms of anxiety disorders (). A separate body of research reveals that individuals with higher levels of anxiety symptoms show deficits in emotion perception () and emotion regulation (), and individuals with PTSD have shown an attentional bias to trauma-related stimuli (). In work by , certain emotional cues become salient indicators of threat. Thus, in an emotion processing task, highly anxious individuals might be more likely to perform poorly on emotion processing tasks.
Childhood maltreatment has also been associated with increased risk for depression (). In turn, a separate body of research suggests that individuals with depression exhibit deficits in regulating emotions () and perceiving emotion in others (). Therefore, it is possible that maltreated children may have difficulty recognizing emotions as a function of higher levels of depression ().
At present, it is unclear whether the association between child maltreatment and deficits in processing of emotion would persist, independent of the effects of psychopathology. In one of the few studies to address this issue,  focused on how PTSD might relate to maltreated children’s processing of emotions and found that maltreated children displayed a heightened ability (faster reaction time compared to controls) to identify fearful faces, independent of PTSD diagnosis. These findings with children suggest that maltreatment is uniquely related to emotion processing deficits, regardless of PTSD symptomatology.
In addition to internalizing consequences of child abuse and neglect, there is also a body of research that has linked childhood maltreatment to externalizing traits, including antisocial behavior and psychopathy (). A number of studies have also reported emotion processing deficits in individuals with antisocial and psychopathic traits (), including deficits in empathy (), experiencing of emotion (), and identifying emotional expressions (). Antisocial individuals have been found to show specific deficits in perceiving negative emotions in facial expressions and to be less accurate in identifying emotions of fear or sadness than emotions of happiness or surprise (). Maltreated children may show emotion processing deficits in adulthood through higher levels of psychopathic traits, reflecting greater desensitization, less empathy, or less responsiveness to the needs of others (), critical characteristics of psychopaths. In sum, there are a number of plausible mechanisms that might explain deficits in emotional processing in adults with histories of childhood abuse and neglect and warrant investigation.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Recurring Dream Being Abandoned


Recurring Dream Being Abandoned

Last night's recurring dream of me being abandoned again (the 5,000th time) by a person that I love and trusted ended with that person becoming a comedian. This is the first time that this twist has been injected. Usually I am publicly shamed and humiliated. I still ran away on foot to my familiar streets on the way toward the childhood home. Still devastated and sad as I walked.
Then the words came "Nobody can save you" like a foghorn alerting the land of an oncoming air raid. 

The reality is that no one can or ever will be able to save me or stave off this feeling that is inherent to me alone that I am abandoned forever. Abandonment is my truth, I was abandoned and will continue to view being abandoned with every relationship I have ever had or will ever have in the future. Being abandoned is my first experience in this mortal world that can never be made into something beautiful. Abandonment is a hideous experience that can never be washed off like a child's dirty face, it is within me as my first truth in my life.

No amount of psychotherapy, hypnotherapy or medication can erase my primal truth that I am forever abandoned. The only reason that a single love interest stars in my nightmares over 30 years now is because I was cognitively aware and cognitively experienced what was hidden all along in my psyche from the primal wound. 

This time there is a familiar face, a voice and an intention behind my abandoner that I know from the depths of my soul. That says you are not socially acceptable, you are not good enough or psychologically healthy enough to sustain a normal relationship....and this was true all along. I was broken the day I took my first breath after being born. I was forever retarded to the normal experiences that justify compassion, empathy and love. The love that I would never experience from my own mother has forever denied me the ability to love or to be loved. I accept this as how I am as my personal truth regardless of well wishers feeling sorry and pity for my dysfunctional state in life.

"No One Can Save Me" and "No One Can Save Me From Myself". From what I am and now this truth has been the epiphany for my ability to accept myself as the outsider that was always outside looking in watching life unfold as a quiet spectator wanting to join but can't and is paralyzed to act on some impulses.
I will never be able to join in and be loved or feel love as my inherent truth is unable to deny what I am incapable of and inability to experience. I can only love in my own way, from afar while protecting myself from pain and suffering.   My validation as an adult adoptee: I 50 years old and say this with complete confidence absent of anger, resentment or blame, for I was broken beyond repair the day I was born.  

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Hostility Parenting


Hostility Parenting 

A Complex Relationship: Hostility Toward Parents 

By Michael Feld, L.C.S.W.
Certified Psychoanalyst, Licensed Psychotherapist
Some of the most difficult feelings we deal with as both children and adults are the hostile, raging feelings we often have toward people we love. These hostile feelings haunt us throughout our lives always leave us feeling guilty and ashamed. Sometimes adults have difficulty understanding why they are angry with their parents. Some people chalk it up to the simple explanation that “they just get on my nerves.” Some of these uncomfortable feelings adults experience have their roots in the earliest years of childhood.
If as children we experience our parents as being inattentive to our needs, hostile feelings toward them can emerge in us. These angry feelings cause us much discomfort because they are in conflict with our loving feelings for our parents, and the need we have for their continuing love. We especially need our parents to guarantee our safety and well being. In fact, in our earliest years, we are dependent on our parents for our very existence.
If our parents relate to us in such a way that we experience them as being exploitive, or using us to gratify their own compulsive, rigid and egocentric needs, our own hostility gets stirred up. If we experience them as being indifferent to our legitimate needs and wishes; if they are smothering in their love; if they induce guilt in us; if they are coercive and exploitive under the guise of being overindulgent, admiring and idealizing on one hand and having unrealistic expectations and putting us down on the other hand; under such conditions we develop a hostile attitude toward them, which depending on our age can vary in degree from being uncomfortable to being terrifying.
To experience hostility toward our parents is quite frightening, considering how dependent and needy we are of them. In addition, we fear reprisals from them should we express this hostility. What happens most often is that the hostility is repressed. By repressing the hostility, we hope to reassure their benevolence toward us. The expression of any hostility leaves us feeling guilty, unworthy and contemptible. Psychoanalyst Karen Horney called such hostility “basic hostility.” The feeling of basic hostility is the response to an abusive parental environment. Basic hostility leads to what Dr. Horney called “basic anxiety,” which is a profound feeling of uncertainty about ourselves, a feeling of being helpless and alone; a feeling of isolation and of being surrounded by a potentially hostile world out to engulf us. Our way of dealing with basic anxiety is what moves us through life. Almost all our behaviors are designed to alleviate and keep us from experiencing this anxiety this running away from anxiety is the beginning of neurotic development.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Adult Adoptee Persistent Fear of Adoptive Mother


Adult Adoptee's Living In Persistent Fear of Adoptive Parents

As an adult child of adoptive parents, it is completely normal for you to live in a constant state of fear of the adoptive parent and the punishment based relationship with them where they were dominate and retained complete control over you. The words that you used, the adopted child's thoughts and behaviors...were all "wrong". 

The adoptive mother frequently reminded, reprimanded and punished the adoptive child for having the wrong thoughts that reflected the adopted child's facial expressions, that represented what emotions the adopted child was feeling at any particular time. The spontaneous feelings, emotions and facial expressions from any child are "pure and truthful" reactions. When a child is reacting to injustice at the adoptive mother's selfishness, the adopted child feels hurt, psychological and physical pain, and the facial expression screams "injustice" at the adoptive mother. This monumental honesty and truth from a child is seen by the dominating adoptive mother as "resistance" to her control that she over-reacts to with hostility. She may say "you are treating her disrespectfully" and strikes the child in the face to wipe away the child's facial expression that contributes to her resentment of the adopted child. Slapping one look of a child's face creates a new expression by the child that now reflects "fear of the adoptive mother". The adoptive mother justifies her brutal actions by refusing to feel guilty, instead she prefers to feel "anger toward the adopted child" as she keeps her control over the child.

Why You’re Afraid of Your Narcissistic Parent

You may not think of your narcissistic parent this way, but she’s an abuser. Maybe there was no physical or sexual abuse in your home, but there was plenty of emotional abuse. Research indicates that emotional abuse is as bad, if not worse, than physical and sexual abuse. And you suffered it for 18 years or more.
Examples of emotional abuse include the following:
  • Ignoring: This is when the parent literally ignores the adopted child the child is instantly annihilated and no-longer exists . She doesn’t answer his cries and doesn’t respond. When the adopted child's ADOPTED NAME BEING CALLED by adoptive mother fear is provoked, it is sign, clue or trigger that the adopted child is in trouble, and seriously associated with being harshly punished and humiliated in front of others.
  • Rejecting: The parent literally is rejecting to her adopted child. The adoptive mother will not respond to any of the adopted child’s needs whether he or she be hurt, hungry, injured, etc. The adoptive mother may refuse to touch the adopted child and ridicule him/her while the adopted child is in distress.
  • Isolating: the narcissistic adoptive parent cuts the child off from the outside world. The child is denied contact with friends, family, adults freedom. Adopted child may be confined to bedroom or punishment forced to be with the adoptive mother at all times.
  • Verbally Assaulting: The child undergoes a constant barrage of shaming, ridiculing, belittling, and threats of future punishment for not being what or who the adopted mother wanted. Being not wanted, or the adoptive mother changed her mind and attitude about the adopted child.  Where she is forced to continue care for the adopted child against her current attitude has dramatically changed from the past time when she wanted to adopt a child.
  • Terrorizing: The parent create a fear based environment for the adopted child to live in. The adoptive mother's constant bullying and punishment threats that are outside of a child's bad behavior. The adoptive parent uses set-up-to-fail, is unyielding and has maintained their unrealistic expectations on the child and threaten to harm the child if he or she doesn’t meet the expectations. 
The fear based conditioning from the adoptive mother  lasted 18 years and longer for the adult adoptee that currently lives in fear of their non-existent adoptive mother. The triggers remain ingrained as mental habit loops in the adoptee's brain. The adoptive mother can only see the adult adoptee as the bad adopted child that needs her constant correction to stave off the biological child's natural spontaneous personality and responses. When the adopted daughter became an adolescent, she became a competition to the adoptive mother for attention, sexual competition and competition for control, as the adoptive mother ages and her beauty diminishes, the adopted child's beauty shines and the adoptive mother resents her. The adoptive mother secretly worries that the adopted child's woman body will tempt the adoptive father as they are not biological parent-child but an unattached fit female in the house that represents risk to the adoptive mother's marriage. The adoptive mother fears the adolescent woman (adopted child) will tempt her biological sons with her beauty. She is nothing but an unwelcome sexual temptress occupying space in the adoptive mother's world. 

What brought out the nasty accusations of selfishness was a narcissist’s inability to tolerate outshining all others. In the adopted child's young childhood her innocent sweetness was generous or giving, out came the accusation you were selfish. This emotional abuse occurred so the adopted child wouldn’t look better than the adoptive mother.
The adoptive parents were supposed to love and protect you. They are supposed to gently guide you through childhood and adolescence. Adoptive parents have a duty to support their children and build within them a healthy sense of self. Parents should help their children develop a good sense of self-esteem and rock solid self-confidence. These are the gifts parents have an obligation to give their children.
But rather than giving us the gift of compassionate and loving parenting, our narcissistic adoptive parents gave us psychological scars that no one can see. Instead of independence and individualism the adoptive mother burdens the adopted child with:
  • Self-doubt
  • A lack of confidence
  • The inability to know what we want
  • An inability to express our needs
  • A belief that expressing our needs will lead to rejection/punishment
  • An enduring sense of guilt about everything we do
  • Feeling bad about ourselves
  • An inability to assert ourselves
  • An inability to see our own value
  • A habit of accepting what we don’t want
  • Being trained to blindly follow others demands
  • A habit of taking on two much responsibility
  • A habit of sacrificing for the benefit of others
  • A belief that we have to present ourselves as inferior and nonthreatening to others
  • A mindset that allows us to be frequently taken advantage of
  • A habit of landing in unbalanced relationships where we give more than we receive
  • Always feeling we are on the verge of “getting in trouble”
  • A fear that individuals and organizations with power will use it to abuse us
  • A fear that if we say something we’ll be told we’re wrong
  • A fear of taking risks
  • A habit of trying to remain invisible to protect ourselves
  • Difficulty with self-care
  • Difficulty with life skills
  • Feeling that we’re stuck in childhood no matter how old we are
  • Feeling powerless
  • Feeling loss
  • Feeling afraid
  • Feeling Worthless
  • Contemplating Suicide
  • Given the legacy above that is our inheritance from our narcissistic adoptive parents, we should not feel afraid of them and powerless. We should feel very, very angry with them. Our blood should boil at the thought of them and does.
    Adoptee's attempting to heal goes against the 18 years of fear conditioning where adoptive mother taught you that you are not allowed to be angry, never express anger and never show anger or you will be extremely punished. The anger that consumes me exists within me, 40 years of suppressed emotions is an enormous amount of energy to hold inside. 

Friday, June 23, 2017

ACE-Study Adverse-Childhood-Experiences


The "ACE" Study Adverse-childhood-experiences


Visit the site to read, download and use the ACE Study Questionaires to explore, utilize, categorize your own childhood adverse events to bring them out of the closet and give yourself validity from your awareness of what was inflicted on you in childhood. When we allow the truth of what we suffered in childhood to live in the present, we begin to comprehend our current coping and defense mechanisms from childhood that we use currently, but in-effective. Bring out our childhood abuse truth gives us courage to face the scar tissue forced on us as we refuse to betray ourselves any longer by hiding what our perpetrating parents did not do to prevent it, allowed abuse to happen or parents that intentionally perpetrated our abuse and now pretend to be the perfect grandparents. 

Childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future violence victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity. As such, early experiences are an important public health issue. Much of the foundational research in this area has been referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
The CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest investigations of childhood abuse and neglect and later-life health and well-being.
The original ACE Study was conducted at Kaiser Permanente from 1995 to 1997 with two waves of data collection. Over 17,000 Health Maintenance Organization members from Southern California receiving physical exams completed confidential surveys regarding their childhood experiences and current health status and behaviors.
The CDC continues ongoing surveillance of ACEs by assessing the medical status of the study participants via periodic updates of morbidity and mortality data.
More detailed information about the study can be found in the links below or in “Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults,” published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine in 1998, Volume 14, pages 245–258.
All ACE questions refer to the respondent’s first 18 years of life.
  • Abuse
    • Emotional abuse: A parent, stepparent, or adult living in your home swore at you, insulted you, put you down, or acted in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt.
    • Physical abuse: A parent, stepparent, or adult living in your home pushed, grabbed, slapped, threw something at you, or hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured.
    • Sexual abuse: An adult, relative, family friend, or stranger who was at least 5 years older than you ever touched or fondled your body in a sexual way, made you touch his/her body in a sexual way, attempted to have any type of sexual intercourse with you.
  • Household Challenges
    • Mother treated violently: Your mother or stepmother was pushed, grabbed, slapped, had something thrown at her, kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, hit with something hard, repeatedly hit for over at least a few minutes, or ever threatened or hurt by a knife or gun by your father (or stepfather) or mother’s boyfriend.
    • Household substance abuse: A household member was a problem drinker or alcoholic or a household member used street drugs.
    • Mental illness in household: A household member was depressed or mentally ill or a household member attempted suicide.
    • Parental separation or divorce: Your parents were ever separated or divorced.
    • Criminal household member: A household member went to prison.
  • Neglect1
    • Emotional neglect: Someone in your family helped you feel important or special, you felt loved, people in your family looked out for each other and felt close to each other, and your family was a source of strength and support.2
    • Physical neglect: There was someone to take care of you, protect you, and take you to the doctor if you needed it2, you didn’t have enough to eat, your parents were too drunk or too high to take care of you, and you had to wear dirty clothes.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are common. Almost two-thirds of study participants reported at least one ACE, and more than one in five reported three or more ACEs.
The ACE score, a total sum of the different categories of ACEs reported by participants, is used to assess cumulative childhood stress. Study findings repeatedly reveal a graded dose-response relationship between ACEs and negative health and well-being outcomes across the life course.
As the number of ACEs increases so does the risk for the following*:

  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease
  • Depression
  • Fetal death
  • Health-related quality of life
  • Illicit drug use
  • Ischemic heart disease
  • Liver disease
  • Poor work performance
  • Financial stress
  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Multiple sexual partners
  • Sexually transmitted diseases
  • Smoking
  • Suicide attempts
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Early initiation of smoking
  • Early initiation of sexual activity
  • Adolescent pregnancy
  • Risk for sexual violence
  • Poor academic achievement

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Emotional Abuse Permanent Impact on Adopted Child Brain


Emotional Abuse Permanent Impact on Adopted Child's Brain

The chronic cycle hyper-vigilance in adopted children through adoptees in adulthood begins with the primal wounding trauma, being forced apart and separated from the infant's biological mother at birth. The traumatized infant 
is shuffled in and out of foster care to be adopted by more deserving parents according to the false beliefs of American society. Where the adoptive mother has experienced personal traumas related to her own attempts at reproducing, she believes that adopting a baby is the cure for her infertility but ignores the monumental and time consuming task of psychological healing from her own traumas. The adoption takes place and the in the adoptive mother's extreme disappointment, she suffers "post-adoption depression" that is currently estimated at 64% of adopting mothers experience post-adoption depression. The depressed adoptive mother is now forced to live with her compulsive decision to act and use adoption to satisfy her infertility problem. 

The psychological state of anticipation, hope, combined with physically and mentally doing something to distract the infertile woman from her childless reality gave her temporary relief during the adoption process. When the adopted child is placed in her care, the weight of her denial falls heavily on her world as she is now stuck with another woman's offspring. What sounded great at the time is now a nightmare that was self created by acting impulsively and living in denial of adoption realities, that she can't take back for fear of social backlash as post adoption depression moves in to her life and head permanently. The biological child that she longed for, is replaced by a pretender infant, imposter child that belongs to someone else. 

It is impossible to pretend that you care when you are not compelled to naturally care for someone else's child for long periods of time. Even experienced babysitters often meet children that they do not get along with or enjoy. The new babysitter may not like the new child that she is babysitting for three hours, and will decline all future calls from that family as that particular child annoys her. The adoptive mother is stuck with a child that she does not know and does not feel any "instant connection" to the child. Being forced to care for another person's offspring will build resentment with each needy cry.
Some adoptive mothers feel antagonized, bitter and become hostile at the adopted child they feel no connection to. When adoptive mothers feel trapped, where they have no choice the adoptive mother will grow in discontent regarding the adopted child. The adoptive mother will negatively view, negatively evaluate and damage the adopted child's sense of self and self-esteem at the start of their life. Where feeling forced is being controlled and no good can ever come from false pretending relationship. 

For the adopted child, the adoptive mother's inability to care or have empathy toward the adopted child causes specific brain functions to develop (survival mechanisms) and retards other normal growth (social brain functions) to occur. The most common and chronic problem in traumatized adopted children is their constant arrousal states of hypervigilance. The adopted child's unconscious reaction to unconscious threats by caregivers that signify rejection, abandonment as the most important threat to one's survival is annihilation. Unsaid motivations by caregivers can never be completely concealed by the most convincing actors.

When a child is often scolded or threatened by his parents (emotional abuse) and /or when a child is structurally ignored or isolated by his parents (emotional neglect) we call this childhood emotional maltreatment (CEM).
CEM is the most common form of child abuse, however, CEM is also the most hidden, underreported and least studied form of child abuse. An important reason for this may be because that the consequences of CEM are underestimated (e.g. ‘Sticks and Stones may break bones, but words will never hurt me’). However, my thesis shows that CEM is related with a persistent negative impact on cognition and the brain.
We discovered that individuals that report CEM show differential structure and function of a brain area (the medial prefrontal cortex) that is crucial for role in responding to stress and thinking about yourself. Individuals with CEM also showed more activity in an area that signals threat (the amygdala) which may represent a persistent vigilance towards the detection of threat from others. These brain changes may underlie our other findings that individuals with CEM think more negatively about themselves and others. Negative thoughts can evoke negative thoughts and in new situations, which reinforces more negative memories. Due to this process, emotionally abused individuals may be more vulnerable to develop a depressive and/or anxiety disorder.
Our findings warrant scientific and political investments to increase societal awareness about the detrimental impact of CEM on cognition and the brain. Increased societal knowledge will hopefully lead to better awareness, reports, and subsequent interventions for individuals with CEM.