About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Friday, November 25, 2016

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Potential Effects on Adoptee's Self & Object Representations
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Study Abstract:

Some potential effects of adoption on self and object representations.
Brinich, Paul M.
The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, Vol 35, 1980, 107-133.

  1. Argues that although adoption remains the optimal social solution to the problem of the unwanted child,                              it poses numerous difficulties for the normal development of the self. 
  2. (#1. The difficulty of the adopted child's normal development of self) 
  3. Observational studies have demonstrated that mothers and infants quickly establish reciprocal patterns of interaction, 
  4. but the achievement of a reciprocal relationship is more problematic for the adoptive mother–child pair.
  5. (#2 The adopted infant natural instinct is resistance to the substitute mother that is not  the child's authentic mother) 
  6. Some specific difficulties associated with adoption make the achievement of reciprocity much more difficult for the adoptive mother and child: 
  7. (#3 Reciprocity is based on the cohesive relationship of biological mother-infant of naturally achieved attachment)
  8. Many adopted children experience one or more interruptions in their early reciprocal relationships, and adoptions are rarely finalized in the first months of life. 
  9. (#4. Excuses for attachment failure as the biological mother-child relationship is absent) 
  10. Moreover, the mother's mental representations of herself  (#5 Her Depression, Anxiety, infertility & adoption second choice)   
  11. and her adopted child (#6. The mother's negative assumptions about the adopted infant)
  12. will be reflected in the relationships between them. (#7. The adoptive mother's negative assumptions are the relationship)
  13. The adoptive mother frequently is unable to accept her adopted child and the adopted child's instinctual behavior, 
  14. (#8. The adoptive mother's resistance to accept the A) adopted child B) the adopted child's instinctual behavior) 
  15. and oedipal or pre-oedipal conflicts in the parents often intrude upon the resolution of the separation–individuation phase.
  16. (#9. Maslow's hierarchy of child development is not acheived in adopted child development causing age related arrest) 
  17. The adopted child experiences knowledge about his/her adoption as a narcissistic injury, 
  18. (#10. Adoptive parent, family & society's "Chronic Denial of ADOPTION-TRAUMA". A) to Accept adoption-trauma would impose guilt on the adoptive mother parent and B) empathy for the adopted child's suffering "daily" the loss of his mother in childhood.) 
  19. The split (ambiguity) in adoptive parent's conflicting cognitive, emotional and thought rumination "images" creates problems at each developmental phase. (#11. Maslow's hierarchy of child development, in each stage the adopted child does not master each stage of development. Cognitive Dissonance causes the adoptive parent to blame the adopted child or the child's genetics, instead of taking responsibility for the distorted adoptive parent-child relationship that caused the developmental arrest due to the adoptive parent's relationship ambiguity toward the adopted child).
  20. Clinical illustrations are presented, taken from the cases of 3 adopted children. Preventive interventions for parents and child at all stages of the child's development are outlined. (73 ref) (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA, all rights reserved)

Friday, November 18, 2016

Adoption Fog of Denial

ADOPTEE RAGE!

The Adoption Fog Of Denial
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The most stable time of my life was I emerged from adoption fog at 40 years old. My adopted childhood was a continual roller coaster of verbal and psychological maltreatment because I was not her biological child she lost to stillbirth. My adoptive mother treated me like a hammy-down, a worthless accessory to her exclusive jewelry collection. I had absolutely no worth, being labeled her "pet adopted-child" to anyone that would ask in front of me as though I did not exist. My story was her charity narrative to promote her vanity, social appearance and social acceptance in her small town of worshipers.
 I was used by my adoptive mother as a pathetic prop to force my adoptive father not to divorce her, as they would argue and fight in front of me in restaurants, although their biological sons were nowhere to be found. My cold and non-loving adoptive upbringing where I would spend all of my time in my room alone trying to avoid my adoptive mother's extreme mood swings and created on the spot stories of what bad deeds I had committed that needed immediate punishment. Something as simple as my smile at her could trigger a deeper hatred in her that would cause a humiliating tirade in front of that night's house visitors.
There was never a time where I wasn't filled with anxiety and fear of what might happen if she got wind of my simple state of temporary or momentary happiness, that would be punished in an instant. The ever present carrot on a string was waved in front of me that I could never grasp, in my child's mind acceptance or permanent place was my bait that could never be found or the feeling of security was not open to non-blood ties.

This is my psychological foundation in life, the relationship with my primary caregiver that all future relationships are measured against and compared. I was taught and conditioned by my adoptive mother to be afraid, to live in fear and always expect catastrophic consequences to the simple everyday occurrences. To be stripped of growing any self esteem or self worth as I was not worthy of any positive reinforcement. I was the worst case scenario in the prospect of an adopted child's outcome. I would never accomplish anything worthy of her praise or acceptance because kindergarten, and grade school was the measure of future accomplishments in the eyes of adoptive parents in the 1970's.
I was a complete disaster and shame that reflected my adoptive mother's failure to nurture, but in real world reality it is seen as my failure alone, as the measure of a person and that person's human potential.
    
When you are raised believing that you are nothing without the adoptive parent's status and the adoptive parent reinforces this conditioning you will believe that you are nothing, incapable and worthless to others. I would seek out other people that were equally worthless and unwanted individuals on the outskirts of society is where you belong. Unseen so you do not make the adoptive family feel embarrassment or impact them in any way.
Once the adoptive family has cut you loose, you are solely on your own to make your own path of destruction and leave it behind you in your path. The few adulthood tools that I learned from my adoptive parents did not get me very far. They taught me to burn every bridge of friendship as they did, to see a person's value by their material possessions, vanity and finances.

Now that I can reform my identity without influence, I know they were wrong or trying to force my failure. My childlike ability in adulthood has been a true handicap in trying to find out who I truly am. As long as my toxic adoptive mother was in my life her hold on me was keeping me stupid and ignorant to reality. Once I left my adoption fog at age 40, I began to see the world in a new light. When I looked back I saw my adoptive parent's deliberate attempts to ruin me financially and emotionally. This was the hardest fact to face in my adult life, that can be still misconstrued with excuses made to defend their very bad advice and behavior to be justified for their own good....not to be out done by their adopted child. The most difficult reality of sick and disturbing actions of my adoptive parents trying to negatively impact my life and punish me for making good choices for myself as an adult.  


 

Thursday, November 17, 2016

The Consequences of Fantasy Bond Adopted Relationship

ADOPTEE RAGE!

The Fantasy Bond of Adoptive Parents Impact Child Future Relationships
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The fantasy bond is a type of relationship where the basic tie is based on routines and roles, rather than spontaneous feelings. It is a term used to describe an imaginary connection formed originally by the infant with the parent or primary caregiver, but also describes an illusory connection to another person that adults attempt to establish in their intimate associations, which leads to deterioration in the relationship.
This type of bond is differentiated from the positive bonding that occurs in secure attachments. The fantasy bond offers an illusion of love which prevents real emotional contact, and can be linked to the pseudo-independence of the self-parenting character.

Origins

The origins of a fantasy bond can be found in the failures of childhood parenting, denial of which leads to an over-valuation and idealization of the parent/parents in question.
The result can be a sense of grandiosity based on the internalization of the parental value systems, an acceptance of the inner critic with its automatic thoughts as a substitute for real relating.
Such over-idealization of the past protects against the re-emergence of painful memories, but also ties into the perpetuation of current ersatz relationships with only the object of idolatry changed in the new fantasy bond. 
The fantasy bond acts as a painkiller that cuts off feeling responses and interferes with the development of a true sense of self, and the more a person comes to rely on fantasies of connection, the LESS he or she will seek or be able to accept love and affection in a real relationship.
The fantasy bond is the primary defense against separation anxiety, interpersonal pain, and existential dread. Infants naturally comfort themselves by using images and self-soothing behaviors to ease the anxiety of being separated from their caregivers, so when caregivers are often unavailable or inconsistent in meeting an infant's needs, the infant increasingly turns to an image of being connected to them. This fantasy bond is a substitute for the love and care that may be missing.

Later life

In later life the fantasy bond may provide an illusory sense of safety against the threat of the approach of death. To varying degrees, all people tend to make imagined connections with people in their lives. Many people have a fear of intimacy and at the same time are terrified of being alone. A fantasy bond allows them to maintain a certain emotional distance while relieving loneliness, but this bond reduces the possibility of achieving success in a relationship.

Adopted-Child's Sublimation

ADOPTEE RAGE!

The Adopted-Child's Sublimation a Defense Mechanism            
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The adopted infant's survives the ten expected injuries "series of 10 traumatic psychological experiences" that are expected consequences for the infant placed for adoption. 

The series of ten psychological assaults the adopted newborn infant is expected to experiences Include: 
#1. The pregnant mother's distress outside of adoption. 
#2. The force, coercion & adoption defeated pregnant mother.
#3. The labor and birth experienced in fear and dread.  
#4. The Infant's horror fear-based experience of birth.
#5. Infant's separated isolation from the mother-self.  
#6. Infant's experience adoption isolation from mother-self 
#7. The displacement trauma possession of strangers.
#8. The infant's experience of hostile caregivers.
#9. The adopted Infant's emotional defeat. 
#10. The infant's (defense mechanism) sublimation to survive.

The predictable series of traumas in adoption placement prime the adopted infant's psyche to invent defense mechanisms to survive and Avoid Annihilation. 
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Sublimation (GermanSublimierung) is the process of transforming libido into "socially useful" achievements, including artistic, cultural and intellectual pursuits. Freud considered this psychical operation to be fairly salutary compared to the others that he identified, such as repression, displacement, denial, reaction formation, intellectualization and projection.  
In the The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence (1936), his daughter, Anna, classes sublimation as one of the major 'defence mechanisms' of the psyche.

Sublimation of the ADOPTED CHILD 
Harry Stack Sullivan, the pioneer of interpersonal psychoanalysis, defined sublimation as the unwitting substitution of a partial satisfaction with social approval for the pursuit of a direct satisfaction which would be contrary to one's ideals or to the judgment of social censors and other important people who surround one. 
The substitution might not be quite what we want, but it is the only way that we can get part of our satisfaction and feel secure, too. Sullivan documented that all sublimatory things are more complicated than the direct satisfaction of the needs to which they apply. They entail no disturbance of consciousness, no stopping to think why they must be done or what the expense connected with direct satisfaction would be. In successful sublimation, Sullivan observed extraordinarily efficient handling of a conflict between the need for a satisfaction and the need for security without perturbation of awareness.
In Freud's psychoanalytical theory, erotic energy is allowed a limited amount of expression, owing to the constraints of human society and civilization itself. It therefore requires other outlets, especially if an individual is to remain psychologically balanced.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Research: Adoptive Parent's Regard for Child's Culture

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Research Study Adopted Child Parent's Culture Care
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Title of Study:


    Cultural Identity and Internationally Adopted Children: Qualitative Approach to Parental Representations


    • Group 1: Absence of associations with the child's country of birth, refusal of any multiplicity of cultural identities for their children

    12 parents (15 interviews): 24%

    The parents in group 1 reported that they have no association with the child's country of birth in their daily lives and no interest in this country.

    Choice of country

    Seven parents in group 1 stated that they had chosen the country by chance or by expedience.
    “We went to ChinaBut it was chanceIn any casewe wanted to adoptso it didn't matter what country.” (Father 5, of a 4-year-old)
    The other 5 parents of group 1 explained that they had chosen the country so that there would not be too great a difference in physical appearance.
    “I said to myselfa black childit will be obvious that I adopted.” (Mother 15, of a 10-year-old)
    “We went to Romaniabecauselet's put it this waythe children were more or less European.” (Father 1, of an 11-year-old)

    Experience of racism and discrimination

    Parents in group 1 did not talk about racism with their child and considered that it was not really a problem.
    “Children tease; but without any moreit's just teasing (…); he's too young to have faced thisI think.” (Father 6, of a 5-year-old)

    Child’s cultural belonging

    The parents in group 1 stressed that their children are French and that their culture is only the culture of the country of adoption, that is, French culture. The culture of the child's country of birth did not interest them. For them, the child's integration requires refusal of any association with the culture of the country of birth.
    “[My daughter]for meshe's Frenchnow her country is Franceshe will have lived in Francenot in Mali (…) Her cultural originsthey will be oursI think.” (Mother 9, of a 4-year-old)

    Child's history before adoption

    The parents in group 1 made no active effort to learn about elements of the child's history before adoption.
    “You have to let go of the past.” (Father 1, of an 11-year-old)

    Contacts with other adoptive parents

    Finally, parents in group 1 did not want to maintain contact with other adoptive parents because they perceived that as a stigma. They insisted that they are parents like any others.
    “The meetings of adoptersfor exampleI don't like that becauseit's a little like a ghetto.” (Mother 9, of a 4-year-old)

    Travel to the country of birth

    The parents in group 1 stated that they did not have plans to return to the child's country of birth, now or later.
    “I don't have any desire to go back thereFinallywhy notbut there are so many other things to see!” (Father 5, of a 4-year-old)
    • Group 2: Regular associations with the child's country of birth and its culture. Affirmation of a multicultural family

    18 parents (24 interviews): 35%

    The parents in group 2 reported multiple and frequent associations with their child's country of birth and its culture. They follow the news in that country closely. They have contacts with people living there and with people from there living in France. These parents stressed the links that they themselves have with the child's country of birth and its culture, as though the adoption had brought them even closer to it. They described it as their second country, after France.
    “I have a very strong link to HaitiIf I couldI would go there every year (…) We can talk about Haiti without it beingHaitiit's your thingbefore meHaitiit's also something that belongs to both of us.” (Mother 19, of a 9-year-old)
    “It’s sort of our family ambienceour way of livingwe were after all immersed in Asia even before the adoption.” (Mother 24, of a 7-year-old)
    “I'm learning ChineseI decidedso I started thatlast weekbut it's not … it's nothing to do with my sonit's meI've had a great desire to learn Mandarin.” (Mother 3, of an 8-year-old)

    Abstract

    Approximately 30 000 children are adopted across national borders each year. A review of the literature on the cultural belonging of these internationally adopted children shows substantial differences between the literature from English-speaking countries and that from France and Europe in general. The objective of this study is to start from the discourse of French adoptive parents to explore their representations of their child's cultural belonging and their positions (their thoughts and representations) concerning connections with the child's country of birth and its culture. The study includes 51 French parents who adopted one or more children internationally. Each parent participated in a semi-structured interview, focused on the adoption procedure and their current associations with the child's birth country. The interviews were analyzed according to a qualitative phenomenological method, Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. The principal themes that emerged from our analysis of the interviews made it possible to classify the parents into three different groups. The first group maintained no association with the child's country of birth and refused any multiplicity of cultural identities. The second group actively maintained regular associations with the child's country of birth and culture and affirmed that their family was multicultural. Finally, the third group adapted their associations with the child's birth country and its culture according to the child's questions and interests. Exploring parental representations of the adopted child enables professionals involved in adoption to provide better support to these families and to do preventive work at the level of family interactions.

    Sunday, November 6, 2016

    The Impact of the Hostile-Aggressive Adoptive Mother

    ADOPTEE RAGE!

    The Hostile Aggressive Adoptive Parent
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    As an adopted-child Infant victim of Hostile-Aggressive-Adoptive-Parenting, I was placed into this environment by the HHSA's San Diego County Adoptions. The Agency Social-Worker, that did not see any problem with the family's recent tragedy, the adopting mother's current serious depression that normally continues for years after the stillbirth experience at full-term gestation. 
    In this dangerous adoptive placement, the traumatized adopted infant reacts physiologically with chronic infectious illness to the adoptive mother's blame, aggression and hostility toward the always sick infant. The adoptive mother is intrusive, overpowering and resentful of the infant's needs. She misinterprets the adopted child's attempts at signals, her negative attitude and behavior toward the child and labels the child as "All-Bad" in her negative regard. The adoptive mother's refusal to accept the outsider adopted child reflects in her mistreatment, maltreatment and disregard of the adopted child. The adopted child's is seen as too needy, demanding and problematic needs that are met with lack of empathy, intolerance and growing insensitivity. Each cry from the adopted infant makes the mother feel indifferent, growing anger into rage inside she boils. The adoptive mother is reminded of her own dead offspring that would have brought her joy, happiness and would have lovingly completed her precious biological family, that now is as dead as her dreams. Instead she is forced to live with this unwanted flawed-consolation, the unfit throw-away, the child offspring that It's own mother refused to keep.....That she is now stuck with the missing-mother's problem child and can't find a way to get rid of it.    


    "H-A-P" Hostile Aggressive Parenting:
    Raising a child in a hostile-aggressive parenting environment is, without a doubt, one of the most serious forms of child abuse and maltreatment imaginable. The behaviours of HAP parents can seriously affect their children’s emotional, social, and intellectual development in many ways. To those with the knowledge to identify HAP, most children living under the influence of an HAP parent will exhibit some signs of being adversely affected. It must be emphasized that no specific behaviour problem observed in a child can be assumed to indicate that the child has been abused in any particular manner or even abused at all. Some of the signs observed in children can be misleading to those without knowledge and experience in HAP to the point where outside third parties, even professionals who are unfamiliar with HAP, may be totally misled initially and in some cases misdiagnose the behaviours. In one case a child may be reacting in one way, yet another child will react in a totally opposite way.
    Although HAP as a behaviour is often looked as an issue affecting only the parents, by its very nature, HAP is a form of child abuse and neglect. Neurodevelopmental research (Glaser, 2000; Schwarz and Perry, 1994) suggests that child abuse and neglect can affect brain development at critical and sensitive periods. Abuse and maltreatment of children through a parent’s HAP behaviours can have lasting effects on a child’s cognitive, emotional, behavioural, and interpersonal functioning (Glaser, 2000). HAP must be taken very seriously for it can significantly affect the child for his/her lifetime. The harm as a result of HAP can often be classified as Complex Post Traumatic Disorder with the same affect on the child as it does on an adult.

    High levels of conflict and behavioural between the child and the custodial HAP parent
    High levels of conflict between a child and the custodial parent, especially about parenting time and/or communication with the non-custodial parent, are almost always a sure sign that the custodial parent is an HAP parent. A determined child will often rebel against their custodial parent and create all kinds of problems when they feel that their natural wishes and desires to see or to communicate with their other parent are being interfered with by the HAP parent. This is a natural reaction which is often a result of the child’s frustration and a desire to have their wishes and preferences respected by the adults, especially the custodial parent.
    Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8 may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour. Children who are being adversely affected by a custodial parent’s Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, may at this age begin to start speaking of what it is that is bothering them and start challenging the authority of the HAP behaviours of their parents. They may become defiant and aggressive with the custodial parent, especially after they first go back to the custodial parent’s home after a visit with the noncustodial parent.
    Children at this age often begin to see that what their custodial parent has led them to believe about their non-custodial parent is simply not true. They may become angry for being lied to by the HAP parent. Children when questioned, if they have not developed a fear or an emotional dependency of their custodial parent, will be able to speak out and clearly say what it is that is bothering them. In some situations, children may start to create incidents in an attempt to have their custodial parent get in trouble with authorities. Left unresolved, often these conflicts will turn to physical altercations between the child and the custodial parent and/or other family members who support the custodial parent. Boyfriends and girlfriends of HAP parents sometimes get involved an assist the HAP parent to discipline the child without fully understanding the previous history.
    Unfortunately, most HAP parents, of course, will claim that the conflict between themselves and the child is caused by the non-custodial parent and will not admit that it is their own HAP behaviour that is causing their child to behave in this manner.



    Child runs away from the home of the custodial HAP parent or may refuse to return to the home of the HAP parent
    Another sure sign that a child is being exposed to the influences of an HAP parent is when the child runs away from the custodial parent’s home and seeks shelter at the home of the non-custodial parent. A child who is having their physical and emotional needs met by a custodial parent has no need to run to another home as the custodial parent has all the power and control to protect them from any sort of negative influence affecting the child. In almost all cases, a child who runs from a custodial parent is sending the message that something is seriously wrong with the environment at the custodial parent’s home.
    Sometimes the child may refuse to return to the custodial parent’s home and do such things as refuse to get out of the car when dropped back at the home of the custodial parent. Some children may put up a violent struggle and kick and scream and literally have to be forced into the control of the custodial parent. This can be very damaging to the child. Running away from an HAP parent’s home is one of the first symptoms of what can be referred to as “reverse parental alienation” where the child begins to develop a distain or even hatred of the HAP parent because the child’s wishes are not being listened to.



    Child may exhibit a number of behavioural problems
    Children exposed to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting likely will demonstrate a number of behavioural problems ranging from minor to serious as a result of their exposure to HAP. These problems may be observable at school, in the home and in the community. Some studies have shown that as much as 85% of children with behavioural problems come from single parent (usually fatherless) homes. Behaviour problems associated with children of separation and divorce generally are the result of two contributing factors, both of which are closely connected to HAP parenting.
    (1) Behaviour problems learnt from child’s exposure to HAP environment
    When children observe their HAP parent acting in an anti-social and aggressive manner over an extended period of time they often pick up on a number of these behaviours and over time, consider them to be socially acceptable. Children are a product of their environment and do learn what they live. Children living under the influence of a hostile-aggressive parent may become themselves, selfish, self centred and have growing anger management difficulties as years pass on. Children who are being physically abused or yelled at constantly by a HAP parent will begin to deal with their own problems in the same manner, often lashing verbally and physically at siblings or schoolmates. Many of these negative behaviours are often observable at the child’s school. HAP behaviours picked up by a child from the HAP parent will, in many cases, seriously affect a child’s development and interfere with their ability to lead a normal and balanced life. Some professionals may misdiagnose the child as having a conduct disorder and prescribe medication but, in reality, these professionals fail to realize that the child’s own parent is instilling these types of negative and anti-social behaviours into the child.Some young children who exhibit behavioural problems as a result of exposure to HAP parents do improve over the years. However, at least half or more get worse. Older children often develop a hostile, aggressive attitude as well as being disobedient and defiant to parents and authorities. Often these children get involved in more violent physical fights and may start to use weapons. They may steal or lie, without any sign of remorse or guilt when they are found out. They refuse to follow rules and may start to break the law. Teenagers exposed to the influences of an HAP parent start to manipulate the parents so that they can get anything they want. Remember, when children witness their HAP parent lie and deceive people and get away with it, then the child may develop the same attitude that if their parent can get away with it, then they can too.
    Often, the parent who may have practiced HAP parenting when the child was younger, now find themselves held hostage to a child terrorist. HAP parents, fearful that the child may leave them and go to the other parent if they don’t get their way, often fall prey by letting the child set their own limits. The fear of losing child support payment, alone, is enough to make a parent ignore good parenting just to maintain their legal control over the child. Many of these affected children get involved in criminal activities. They may steal cars, break into houses or shoplift. They may take risks with their health and safety by taking illegal drugs or having unprotected sexual intercourse.
    Children are less likely to act out aggressively when their parents use more effective parenting techniques than those who rely on hostile-aggressive techniques such as reacting to their child’s wishes to have a reasonable relationship with their other parent with anger, and using negative rather than positive reinforcement to the child’s relationship with the other parent.


    (2) Behavioural problems caused by child’s unresolved anger and frustration from living under the control of an HAP parent
    Some children develop behaviour problems as a result of unresolved anger and frustration because of being forced to live under the control of a hostile and controlling parent. Too often, family courts place custody of the child in the hands of the wrong parent who is often the HAP parent. Too often, the non-custodial parent is rendered helpless to assist the children and placed fully under the control of the custodial HAP parent. Children become angry and frustrated by the efforts of the HAP parent to further interfere with their relationship with the non-custodial parent. This anger and frustration develops into severe behaviour problems which affect them at school and at home. Behavioural problems caused by frustration and anger can only be effectively addressed when the children’s wishes and preferences are considered and the children provided the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their non-custodial parent.

    High levels of conflict and behavioural between the child and the custodial HAP parent
    High levels of conflict between a child and the custodial parent, especially about parenting time and/or communication with the non-custodial parent, are almost always a sure sign that the custodial parent is an HAP parent. A determined child will often rebel against their custodial parent and create all kinds of problems when they feel that their natural wishes and desires to see or to communicate with their other parent are being interfered with by the HAP parent. This is a natural reaction which is often a result of the child’s frustration and a desire to have their wishes and preferences respected by the adults, especially the custodial parent.
    Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8 may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour. Children who are being adversely affected by a custodial parent’s Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, may at this age begin to start speaking of what it is that is bothering them and start challenging the authority of the HAP behaviours of their parents. They may become defiant and aggressive with the custodial parent, especially after they first go back to the custodial parent’s home after a visit with the noncustodial parent.
    Children at this age often begin to see that what their custodial parent has led them to believe about their non-custodial parent is simply not true. They may become angry for being lied to by the HAP parent. Children when questioned, if they have not developed a fear or an emotional dependency of their custodial parent, will be able to speak out and clearly say what it is that is bothering them. In some situations, children may start to create incidents in an attempt to have their custodial parent get in trouble with authorities. Left unresolved, often these conflicts will turn to physical altercations between the child and the custodial parent and/or other family members who support the custodial parent. Boyfriends and girlfriends of HAP parents sometimes get involved an assist the HAP parent to discipline the child without fully understanding the previous history.
    Unfortunately, most HAP parents, of course, will claim that the conflict between themselves and the child is caused by the non-custodial parent and will not admit that it is their own HAP behaviour that is causing their child to behave in this manner.




    Child runs away from the home of the custodial HAP parent or may refuse to return to the home of the HAP parent
    Another sure sign that a child is being exposed to the influences of an HAP parent is when the child runs away from the custodial parent’s home and seeks shelter at the home of the non-custodial parent. A child who is having their physical and emotional needs met by a custodial parent has no need to run to another home as the custodial parent has all the power and control to protect them from any sort of negative influence affecting the child. In almost all cases, a child who runs from a custodial parent is sending the message that something is seriously wrong with the environment at the custodial parent’s home.
    Sometimes the child may refuse to return to the custodial parent’s home and do such things as refuse to get out of the car when dropped back at the home of the custodial parent. Some children may put up a violent struggle and kick and scream and literally have to be forced into the control of the custodial parent. This can be very damaging to the child. Running away from an HAP parent’s home is one of the first symptoms of what can be referred to as “reverse parental alienation” where the child begins to develop a distain or even hatred of the HAP parent because the child’s wishes are not being listened to.




    Child may exhibit a number of behavioural problems
    Children exposed to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting likely will demonstrate a number of behavioural problems ranging from minor to serious as a result of their exposure to HAP. These problems may be observable at school, in the home and in the community. Some studies have shown that as much as 85% of children with behavioural problems come from single parent (usually fatherless) homes. Behaviour problems associated with children of separation and divorce generally are the result of two contributing factors, both of which are closely connected to HAP parenting.
    (1) Behaviour problems learnt from child’s exposure to HAP environment
    When children observe their HAP parent acting in an anti-social and aggressive manner over an extended period of time they often pick up on a number of these behaviours and over time, consider them to be socially acceptable. Children are a product of their environment and do learn what they live. Children living under the influence of a hostile-aggressive parent may become themselves, selfish, self centred and have growing anger management difficulties as years pass on. Children who are being physically abused or yelled at constantly by a HAP parent will begin to deal with their own problems in the same manner, often lashing verbally and physically at siblings or schoolmates. Many of these negative behaviours are often observable at the child’s school. HAP behaviours picked up by a child from the HAP parent will, in many cases, seriously affect a child’s development and interfere with their ability to lead a normal and balanced life. Some professionals may misdiagnose the child as having a conduct disorder and prescribe medication but, in reality, these professionals fail to realize that the child’s own parent is instilling these types of negative and anti-social behaviours into the child.Some young children who exhibit behavioural problems as a result of exposure to HAP parents do improve over the years. However, at least half or more get worse. Older children often develop a hostile, aggressive attitude as well as being disobedient and defiant to parents and authorities. Often these children get involved in more violent physical fights and may start to use weapons. They may steal or lie, without any sign of remorse or guilt when they are found out. They refuse to follow rules and may start to break the law. Teenagers exposed to the influences of an HAP parent start to manipulate the parents so that they can get anything they want. Remember, when children witness their HAP parent lie and deceive people and get away with it, then the child may develop the same attitude that if their parent can get away with it, then they can too.
    Often, the parent who may have practiced HAP parenting when the child was younger, now find themselves held hostage to a child terrorist. HAP parents, fearful that the child may leave them and go to the other parent if they don’t get their way, often fall prey by letting the child set their own limits. The fear of losing child support payment, alone, is enough to make a parent ignore good parenting just to maintain their legal control over the child. Many of these affected children get involved in criminal activities. They may steal cars, break into houses or shoplift. They may take risks with their health and safety by taking illegal drugs or having unprotected sexual intercourse.
    Children are less likely to act out aggressively when their parents use more effective parenting techniques than those who rely on hostile-aggressive techniques such as reacting to their child’s wishes to have a reasonable relationship with their other parent with anger, and using negative rather than positive reinforcement to the child’s relationship with the other parent.


    (2) Behavioural problems caused by child’s unresolved anger and frustration from living under the control of an HAP parent
    Some children develop behaviour problems as a result of unresolved anger and frustration because of being forced to live under the control of a hostile and controlling parent. Too often, family courts place custody of the child in the hands of the wrong parent who is often the HAP parent. Too often, the non-custodial parent is rendered helpless to assist the children and placed fully under the control of the custodial HAP parent. Children become angry and frustrated by the efforts of the HAP parent to further interfere with their relationship with the non-custodial parent. This anger and frustration develops into severe behaviour problems which affect them at school and at home. Behavioural problems caused by frustration and anger can only be effectively addressed when the children’s wishes and preferences are considered and the children provided the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their non-custodial parent.

    High levels of conflict and behavioural between the child and the custodial HAP parent
    High levels of conflict between a child and the custodial parent, especially about parenting time and/or communication with the non-custodial parent, are almost always a sure sign that the custodial parent is an HAP parent. A determined child will often rebel against their custodial parent and create all kinds of problems when they feel that their natural wishes and desires to see or to communicate with their other parent are being interfered with by the HAP parent. This is a natural reaction which is often a result of the child’s frustration and a desire to have their wishes and preferences respected by the adults, especially the custodial parent.
    Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8 may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour. Children who are being adversely affected by a custodial parent’s Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, may at this age begin to start speaking of what it is that is bothering them and start challenging the authority of the HAP behaviours of their parents. They may become defiant and aggressive with the custodial parent, especially after they first go back to the custodial parent’s home after a visit with the noncustodial parent.
    Children at this age often begin to see that what their custodial parent has led them to believe about their non-custodial parent is simply not true. They may become angry for being lied to by the HAP parent. Children when questioned, if they have not developed a fear or an emotional dependency of their custodial parent, will be able to speak out and clearly say what it is that is bothering them. In some situations, children may start to create incidents in an attempt to have their custodial parent get in trouble with authorities. Left unresolved, often these conflicts will turn to physical altercations between the child and the custodial parent and/or other family members who support the custodial parent. Boyfriends and girlfriends of HAP parents sometimes get involved an assist the HAP parent to discipline the child without fully understanding the previous history.
    Unfortunately, most HAP parents, of course, will claim that the conflict between themselves and the child is caused by the non-custodial parent and will not admit that it is their own HAP behaviour that is causing their child to behave in this manner.



    Child runs away from the home of the custodial HAP parent or may refuse to return to the home of the HAP parent
    Another sure sign that a child is being exposed to the influences of an HAP parent is when the child runs away from the custodial parent’s home and seeks shelter at the home of the non-custodial parent. A child who is having their physical and emotional needs met by a custodial parent has no need to run to another home as the custodial parent has all the power and control to protect them from any sort of negative influence affecting the child. In almost all cases, a child who runs from a custodial parent is sending the message that something is seriously wrong with the environment at the custodial parent’s home.
    Sometimes the child may refuse to return to the custodial parent’s home and do such things as refuse to get out of the car when dropped back at the home of the custodial parent. Some children may put up a violent struggle and kick and scream and literally have to be forced into the control of the custodial parent. This can be very damaging to the child. Running away from an HAP parent’s home is one of the first symptoms of what can be referred to as “reverse parental alienation” where the child begins to develop a distain or even hatred of the HAP parent because the child’s wishes are not being listened to.



    Child may exhibit a number of behavioural problems
    Children exposed to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting likely will demonstrate a number of behavioural problems ranging from minor to serious as a result of their exposure to HAP. These problems may be observable at school, in the home and in the community. Some studies have shown that as much as 85% of children with behavioural problems come from single parent (usually fatherless) homes. Behaviour problems associated with children of separation and divorce generally are the result of two contributing factors, both of which are closely connected to HAP parenting.
    (1) Behaviour problems learnt from child’s exposure to HAP environment
    When children observe their HAP parent acting in an anti-social and aggressive manner over an extended period of time they often pick up on a number of these behaviours and over time, consider them to be socially acceptable. Children are a product of their environment and do learn what they live. Children living under the influence of a hostile-aggressive parent may become themselves, selfish, self centred and have growing anger management difficulties as years pass on. Children who are being physically abused or yelled at constantly by a HAP parent will begin to deal with their own problems in the same manner, often lashing verbally and physically at siblings or schoolmates. Many of these negative behaviours are often observable at the child’s school. HAP behaviours picked up by a child from the HAP parent will, in many cases, seriously affect a child’s development and interfere with their ability to lead a normal and balanced life. Some professionals may misdiagnose the child as having a conduct disorder and prescribe medication but, in reality, these professionals fail to realize that the child’s own parent is instilling these types of negative and anti-social behaviours into the child.Some young children who exhibit behavioural problems as a result of exposure to HAP parents do improve over the years. However, at least half or more get worse. Older children often develop a hostile, aggressive attitude as well as being disobedient and defiant to parents and authorities. Often these children get involved in more violent physical fights and may start to use weapons. They may steal or lie, without any sign of remorse or guilt when they are found out. They refuse to follow rules and may start to break the law. Teenagers exposed to the influences of an HAP parent start to manipulate the parents so that they can get anything they want. Remember, when children witness their HAP parent lie and deceive people and get away with it, then the child may develop the same attitude that if their parent can get away with it, then they can too.
    Often, the parent who may have practiced HAP parenting when the child was younger, now find themselves held hostage to a child terrorist. HAP parents, fearful that the child may leave them and go to the other parent if they don’t get their way, often fall prey by letting the child set their own limits. The fear of losing child support payment, alone, is enough to make a parent ignore good parenting just to maintain their legal control over the child. Many of these affected children get involved in criminal activities. They may steal cars, break into houses or shoplift. They may take risks with their health and safety by taking illegal drugs or having unprotected sexual intercourse.
    Children are less likely to act out aggressively when their parents use more effective parenting techniques than those who rely on hostile-aggressive techniques such as reacting to their child’s wishes to have a reasonable relationship with their other parent with anger, and using negative rather than positive reinforcement to the child’s relationship with the other parent.


    (2) Behavioural problems caused by child’s unresolved anger and frustration from living under the control of an HAP parent
    Some children develop behaviour problems as a result of unresolved anger and frustration because of being forced to live under the control of a hostile and controlling parent. Too often, family courts place custody of the child in the hands of the wrong parent who is often the HAP parent. Too often, the non-custodial parent is rendered helpless to assist the children and placed fully under the control of the custodial HAP parent. Children become angry and frustrated by the efforts of the HAP parent to further interfere with their relationship with the non-custodial parent. This anger and frustration develops into severe behaviour problems which affect them at school and at home. Behavioural problems caused by frustration and anger can only be effectively addressed when the children’s wishes and preferences are considered and the children provided the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their non-custodial parent.
    LINK:hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/effects_of_hap.asp

    The Natural Recognition within the Mother-Infant Dyad

    ADOPTEE RAGE!
    The Natural Recognition within the Mother-Infant Dyad ____________________________________________________________

    The biological, genetically-linked mother-infant-dyad is a closed synchronized system. The mother's signature acoustic fingerprint is her tone of voice, the signature "voiceprint" that is identified by the infant in the womb. The mother's olfactory signature chemical odor is recognized by the infant in utero, post childbirth the child's signature odor is recognized by the mother and both mother and infant can distinguish these signature odors from other individuals as "NOT Right". There can never be a substitute for the mother-infant-dyad without physical trauma and psychological consequences for the infant and mother. 

    Due to the fact that the mother-infant-dyad is a closed synchronization system, the mother and infant can regulate eachother's biological systems such as heartbeat synchronization. Emotional regulation and the dyad's nonverbal communication. 

    The mother-infant dyad is a closed system where the infant believes they are one, that the infant is the mother-and-self as a single unit. Around 12-18 months the infant begins to mature and recognize that he is separate from the mother. This natural progression of events is time and maturity related. when the infant is secure in the dyad, he spontaneously begins to develop a predictable "sense of self" that allows him to separate from the dyad by choice, yet remains in close proximity to the mother as a distinct separate individual. 

    The act of disrupting this natural dyad is NOT NATURAL, and there are tragic consequences to disrupting this natural relationship that is the foundation for human interaction and psychological stability.  

    All studies of the Mother-Infant Dyad are based on biological genetic tied dyads.
    Humans, like other mammals, are capable of discriminating between kin and non‐kin by olfactory cues alone. Shortly after birth, breastfed infants become familiar with, and respond preferentially to, their mother' unique odor signature. Mothers likewise recognize the characteristic scent of their newborn infant. Close biological relatives share somewhat similar odor signatures (presumably resulting from genetically mediated similarities in bodily biochemistry and metabolism) that facilitate kin recognition.

    Maternal and Paternal Perception of Individual Odor Signatures in Human Amniotic Fluid – Potential Role in Early Bonding?

    Schaal B.a · Marlier L.b 
    a Laboratoire de Comportement Animal, CNRS URA 1291, Station de Physiologie de la Reproduction, Inra, Nouzilly, b Laboratoire de Psychophysique Sensorielle, CNRS EP 618, Universit√© Louis Pasteur, Strasbourg, France

    Abstract

    Both human mothers and fathers are able to discriminate the odors of 2 samples of amniotic fluid (AF), one from their own newborn infant and one from an unrelated infant. Moreover, both parents are able to accurately identify the odor of the AF from their own infant. They report qualitative similarity descriptions of their infant’s AF odor to the odor of the actual newborn infant and to the odor of the mother, especially at the end of gestation. These data indicate that human AF carries individualized odor properties, the roles of which in the initiation of parent-infant interactions are hypothesized.


    Is there a greater bond than that of mother and baby?

    The preliminary findings of a recent study provide evidence of another facet of that bond and demonstrate further that electromagnetic waves produced by one person’s heartbeat can be detected by the brains and nervous systems of others around them.
    A summary of Proof of Concept Study: Heart-Brain Synchronization between Mother and Baby notes that researchers “explored the potential to measure energetic heart-brain interactions that may be occurring between a mother and her infant.” The study, conducted in August 2007, was done while the infant was in the mother’s lap.

    Researchers, who began the investigation with two women and their infants but were only able to use the data for one of the mothers and her baby, recorded a number of examples clearly showing the baby’s heartbeat was detected in the mother’s brain waves.
    “This preliminary data elucidates the intriguing finding that the electromagnetic signals generated by the heart have the capacity to affect others around us,” the summary says. “The signal was not always detectable, but was clearly detectable when the mother tuned into the baby. It appears that when the mother placed her attention on the baby that she became more sensitive to the subtle electromagnetic signals generated by the infant’s heart.”

    “Although preliminary, these results add to the growing data suggesting that the electromagnetic fields produced by the heart may be a source of information exchange between people, and that this exchange is influenced by our emotions,” the summary states. “These findings have intriguing implications, suggesting that a mother in a psychophysiologically coherent state became more sensitive to the subtle electromagnetic information encoded in the electromagnetic signals of her infant.”
    The researchers said the findings complement the experience of instructors who have trained thousands of people how to self-generate and maintain coherence while listening to others in conversations. “Once individuals learn this skill, it is a common experience that they become much more attuned to other people and are able to detect and understand the deeper meaning behind spoken words,” they said in the summary. “They are often able to sense what someone else really wishes to communicate even when the other person may not be clear about that which he is attempting to say. This technique, called Intuitive Listening, helps people to feel fully heard and promotes greater rapport and empathy between people.”
    At the outset of the mother-and-baby study, researchers noted that it was intended as a pilot project. After releasing the preliminary findings, they said the data would help the HeartMath research team in formulating hypotheses, methodology and statistical analysis for future research projects.