Adoptee Rage! This blog is written exclusively for the 38% of Abused and Neglected Adopted Children. The U.S. HHSA Identifies #1 Risk: Maltreatment, Child Abuse and Risk for Death In Adopted children. Childhood domination, Coping compensation. Research in Adoption Psychology, Developmental Trauma"The Adoption Paradox". By Rainstorm Red-Smith
About Adoptee Rage
Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
The Borderline Personality Disordered Adoptive Mother
The devastating effects of borderline personality disorder (BPD) adoptive mothers severely restricts the functioning of their children, creating extraordinary emotional distress that leads to chronic psychological instability. As the impact of BPD is not limited to the person with the disorder; The BPD adoptive mother's disturbing behavior is force-fed to the developing child that is dependent and at the mercy of the mother's distorted perception. The BPD adoptive mother controls those around her with fear-based domination, unrealistic demands and expectations in this maladjusted functioning. The most seriously impacted are the children of adoptive mothers with borderline personality disorder, as the disorder interferes with normal, healthy parenting behaviors and severely distorts parent-child dynamics, while increasing the home environmental instability, drug and alcohol abuse and poor family cohesion. As a result, the very foundation of the adopted child's formative psychosocial development is compromised, leaving vulnerable and ongoing psychological, behavioral, and interpersonal difficulties that interfere with the adopted child's sense of self, quality of life, and capacity for joy.
The damage of borderline personality disorder on adopted children begin in the earliest stages of infancy and disrupt the development of secondary adoptive attachment and engagement. Studies have found that interactions between adoptive mothers with BPD and their infant adopted children are characterized by insensitivity, high levels of intrusion, and low levels of positive response to infant distress. These adoptive mothers are less likely to engage in healthy infant parenting behaviors, with researchers noting, “Mothers with BPD smiled less, touched and imitated their infants less, and played fewer games with their babies.”[1. http://ebmh.bmj.com/content/18/3/67.full] Additionally, adoptive mothers with BPD often have difficulty identifying and appropriately responding to their adopted child’s emotional state. These unmet psychosocial needs at critical windows of childhood development increase risk of disorganized attachment and rob children of security, comfort, and safety from the very beginning of their lives.
As adopted child grows older and become verbal, the impact of BPD on their understanding of themselves, their adoptive mothers, and the distorted world around them becomes more unstable being manipulated by fear. The adoptive mother’s unstable identity, mood volatility, fear of abandonment, and black-and-white thinking coalesce to prevent nurturing parenting behaviors and deeply fracture the adopted child’s psychological, social, and behavioral development. Compassion, empathy, and validation are withheld as the adoptive mother is unable to recognize the adopted child's emotional needs or formulate appropriate responses. This, combined with the unpredictability, impulsivity, of those with BPD, is extraordinarily detrimental to the adopted child's establishment of a secure emotional base from which to grow and flourish. Additionally, BPD leaves adopted children without a model for healthy interpersonal functioning, conflict resolution, and emotional regulation, increasing influence of vulnerability to maladaptive and self-destructive behaviors.
Adopted children of adoptive mothers with BPD are at heightened risk for exhibiting attention difficulties, aggressive behavior, and low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder itself.[3. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2819472/]
The dynamics of the parent-child relationship are organized around the adoptive mother’s symptomatology; rather than understanding the adopted child as an autonomous person with their own needs, desires, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses, the adoptive mother sees the adopted child as a “need-gratifying object”. [4. http://bpdfamily.com/content/have-your-parents-put-you-risk-psychopathology] As a result, her parenting is driven by the desire to meet her own overwhelming need for validation, security, and love, rather than bestowing them on the adopted child. Adopted children quickly learn their "adopted child role" is to satisfy adoptive mother’s demands, however unrealistic, unstable, and conflicting, and exert control to limit adopted child's autonomy as a frantic effort to avoid abandonment. The adopted child's already distorted sense of identity becomes intimately tied to and gained from adoptive mother’s expectations and seemingly arbitrary vacillations between approval and rejection, adoration and disgust, exaltation and despair. Without the freedom and support to engage in the vital work of self-exploration and self-expression, adopted child's struggle to establish authentic sense of self and to trust your own instincts are impossible.
The adverse effects of adopted children raised by NPD adoptive mothers often emerge early. Researchers have found that even young adopted children with mothers suffering from BPD display “a shameful and incongruent sense of self,” heightened fear of abandonment, and difficulties creating stable relationships.[5. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3268672/] As adopted child age and are exposed to increasingly complex emotional, interpersonal, and functional demands, the disturbances caused by adoptive mother’s BPD become more fully articulated, often leading to a profound psychological crisis.
Despite the extraordinary level of distress experienced by adopted children of adoptive mothers with BPD, many are reluctant to acknowledge these experiences to others—or even to themselves. Revealing the truth about adoptive mother's behavior can seem like a betrayal, particularly if the adoptive mother’s illness has conditioned the adopted child to feel responsible for her emotional state and behavior. This protective instinct can keep adoptee's silent and isolated from needed help or support. Some adopted children internalize their adoptive mother’s criticisms and rejections and blame themselves for her damaging behaviors. Recognizing the impact your adoptive mother has had on your life is necessary to understanding your own suffering and relieve feelings of guilt, disorientation, and shame; while her actions and their devastating effect on your development and ability to navigate the world must be examined to allow healing to begin. It is only by exposing the roots of your adoption related maltreatment, emotional suppression and lack of self-worth that were conditioned by the BPD adoptive mother that you can readdress and reassess childhood maltreatment distortions to move forward toward healing.