The Biological Mother Investigated Her Adult Offspring
This topic is extremely difficult to write as my shock is still with me years after the fact that I was investigated by my biological mother.
There was a Dexter TV episode where a father's long lost child found him, as he openly embraced his child. The man's coworkers quickly planted doubt into the man's head, saying that the adoptee had ulterior motives in their new relationship. The father hired a private investigator to conduct a background investigation on his adult adopted-out child. When the adoptee found this out she felt horrified and betrayed.
When I was told by my mother's sister (my aunt), that my mother hired a private investigator I was horrified, shocked and terribly shaken by this information. I felt betrayed by her, ashamed to be considered "suspect" for trying to repair the whole in my existence. This level of my biological mother's forced intrusion is so deeply rooted in being too ashamed to exist. The mother's long-lost unwanted child that has been searching throughout life to find her and only desire is to know her own mother....Is betrayed in her current life by information that is the extreme opposite of who the adoptee is. The assumption that I was only interested in finding my biological mother for her money is an abortion of thoughts.
The revelation in the knowledge that my own mother thought so little of me that she did not hire an investigator to find me, but hired an investigator to investigate my life and financial wealth. Before ever speaking to me she committed this intrusive act against me that makes me aware of my sad and pathetic reality. The truth that everything horrible about me, my existence in being an unwanted child is brutally true. Being an unwanted bastard is the consequence of a mother's rejection of her offspring. That I was thrown into foster care as a ward of the state because she was honestly repulsed by my existence, repulsed by being pregnant with a bastard child, repulsed by my father and being thrown away and abandoned was for a specific reason, which was where I should have stayed in her critical assumption of my attempt to heal myself and repair the relationships taken from me. The knowledge that I was investigated is infuriating and insulting to my attempts at healing, developing an authentic identity and my trials of human dignity are continually burned.