About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Characteristics of Adoption-Rejection

ADOPTEE RAGE!
"Characteristics of Adoption-Rejection"
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This article is a product of infertility support website (Link Below).
Characteristics of Adoption-Rejection:
The lifelong aspects of child adoption will either continue in a direction that will manifest in outward displays of pain, or as they are recognized and acknowledge, the adoptive mother can proactively change a negative course. By embracing the conflicting perceptions by each adoption triangle member each aspect of the adoption grid, whether the person is part of the birth family, the adoptive family, or the adoptee, the ability to confront and gain mastery over the negative impact is possible.
Full of Pain and Joy                                                                                                           Adoption has the ability to create intense pain and equally intense joy. All parties involved in adoption experience the traumatic emotional journey from similar, different and opposite perspectives. There is a commonality in each aspect of the characteristics of adoption for everyone concerned. It is this commonality that opens the door to dialogue between participants and it makes room for professional counselors to interact and intervene in ways that are both proactive and helpful. All of the characteristics of adoption evolve from the nature of adoption and how it impacts individuals and families.
The Power of Emotional Loss                                                                                               The initial emotion that affecting those involved in adoption is loss. The birth parent(s) experience the loss of the biological child with whom they have a genetic connection. The adopting parents have already experienced the loss of a dream child, whether through failed fertility efforts, death or miscarriage. The adoptee, even if there is no awareness, recognition of the fact, experiences the loss of birth parents as ongoing and enduring trauma. All of these losses for all of these people extend throughout their lifetimes, gradually building one loss on top of the previous loss. They are never forgotten their loss and will have an effect throughout their lives.
The sense of loss is made more acute by the intense feelings of rejection. In order to cope, personalizing the rejection makes it more palatable. Questions like, "What did I do wrong to deserve this?" can cause serious self-degradation. There is, as a result, a heightened sensitivity to rejection and any interaction that can be construed as rejection usually is. The individuals will avoid situations wherein they think they may be rejected, or they will do things to prove the point, causing situations where rejection is displayed, validating the negative belief.
Chosen for Rejection                                                                                                             For the person who is adopted, there is almost no other way to perceive their adoption other than rejection. Even though they may be referred to as "chosen," they are acutely aware that in order to be chosen they must first be rejected by choice. This whittles away at the sense of self-worth that is already very fragile and obvious personality deficit.  Asking questions exacerbates the adopted child's feelings of shame and loss for many adoptees because it causes reaction and rejection from the adoptive family. It's a vicious cycle and requires the skill of a professional to help unravel.
The Birth Parent's Pain                                                                                                         The rejection felt by birth parent(s) stems from the feelings of condemnation that come from society, families and friends because of the irresponsibility attached to the birth. Additionally, adoptive parents may further exacerbate these feelings in the adopted child by creating stories that reinforce the idea that the child was not wanted. A case in point may be telling adopted child who wants to find his birth parents that they may be married and have other children. The fear that brings this behavior on also estranges the child even more and lets him know that he would be invading the privacy of the birth parents, the end result is further rejection.
Coping With Rejection As Adoptive Parents                                                                         The adoptive parents that adopted a child due to infertility, experience the rejection of their own bodies and sense of betrayal from God. There are also myriad unconscious sentiments around the possibility of being rejected by the birth parents as not good enough or raising the child incompetently. The concept of whether or not they should even be parents increases the feelings of rejection setting the stage for anticipating rejection from the child.
Unconscious behavior motivated in anticipation of adopted child rejection, to circumvent the pain associated with rejection, adoptive parents may push the child away. As reactionary behavior to the perceived possibility of rejection, rejecting the adopted child becomes a vicious cycle for both the adoptive parents and the adopted child.
Identifying and exploring the unconscious rejection motivation issues is a topic to explore in psychotherapy for all members of the adoption triangle.