About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

The Impact of the Hostile-Aggressive Adoptive Mother

ADOPTEE RAGE!

The Hostile Aggressive Adoptive Parent
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As an adopted-child Infant victim of Hostile-Aggressive-Adoptive-Parenting, I was placed into this environment by the HHSA's San Diego County Adoptions. The Agency Social-Worker, that did not see any problem with the family's recent tragedy, the adopting mother's current serious depression that normally continues for years after the stillbirth experience at full-term gestation. 
In this dangerous adoptive placement, the traumatized adopted infant reacts physiologically with chronic infectious illness to the adoptive mother's blame, aggression and hostility toward the always sick infant. The adoptive mother is intrusive, overpowering and resentful of the infant's needs. She misinterprets the adopted child's attempts at signals, her negative attitude and behavior toward the child and labels the child as "All-Bad" in her negative regard. The adoptive mother's refusal to accept the outsider adopted child reflects in her mistreatment, maltreatment and disregard of the adopted child. The adopted child's is seen as too needy, demanding and problematic needs that are met with lack of empathy, intolerance and growing insensitivity. Each cry from the adopted infant makes the mother feel indifferent, growing anger into rage inside she boils. The adoptive mother is reminded of her own dead offspring that would have brought her joy, happiness and would have lovingly completed her precious biological family, that now is as dead as her dreams. Instead she is forced to live with this unwanted flawed-consolation, the unfit throw-away, the child offspring that It's own mother refused to keep.....That she is now stuck with the missing-mother's problem child and can't find a way to get rid of it.    


"H-A-P" Hostile Aggressive Parenting:
Raising a child in a hostile-aggressive parenting environment is, without a doubt, one of the most serious forms of child abuse and maltreatment imaginable. The behaviours of HAP parents can seriously affect their children’s emotional, social, and intellectual development in many ways. To those with the knowledge to identify HAP, most children living under the influence of an HAP parent will exhibit some signs of being adversely affected. It must be emphasized that no specific behaviour problem observed in a child can be assumed to indicate that the child has been abused in any particular manner or even abused at all. Some of the signs observed in children can be misleading to those without knowledge and experience in HAP to the point where outside third parties, even professionals who are unfamiliar with HAP, may be totally misled initially and in some cases misdiagnose the behaviours. In one case a child may be reacting in one way, yet another child will react in a totally opposite way.
Although HAP as a behaviour is often looked as an issue affecting only the parents, by its very nature, HAP is a form of child abuse and neglect. Neurodevelopmental research (Glaser, 2000; Schwarz and Perry, 1994) suggests that child abuse and neglect can affect brain development at critical and sensitive periods. Abuse and maltreatment of children through a parent’s HAP behaviours can have lasting effects on a child’s cognitive, emotional, behavioural, and interpersonal functioning (Glaser, 2000). HAP must be taken very seriously for it can significantly affect the child for his/her lifetime. The harm as a result of HAP can often be classified as Complex Post Traumatic Disorder with the same affect on the child as it does on an adult.

High levels of conflict and behavioural between the child and the custodial HAP parent
High levels of conflict between a child and the custodial parent, especially about parenting time and/or communication with the non-custodial parent, are almost always a sure sign that the custodial parent is an HAP parent. A determined child will often rebel against their custodial parent and create all kinds of problems when they feel that their natural wishes and desires to see or to communicate with their other parent are being interfered with by the HAP parent. This is a natural reaction which is often a result of the child’s frustration and a desire to have their wishes and preferences respected by the adults, especially the custodial parent.
Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8 may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour. Children who are being adversely affected by a custodial parent’s Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, may at this age begin to start speaking of what it is that is bothering them and start challenging the authority of the HAP behaviours of their parents. They may become defiant and aggressive with the custodial parent, especially after they first go back to the custodial parent’s home after a visit with the noncustodial parent.
Children at this age often begin to see that what their custodial parent has led them to believe about their non-custodial parent is simply not true. They may become angry for being lied to by the HAP parent. Children when questioned, if they have not developed a fear or an emotional dependency of their custodial parent, will be able to speak out and clearly say what it is that is bothering them. In some situations, children may start to create incidents in an attempt to have their custodial parent get in trouble with authorities. Left unresolved, often these conflicts will turn to physical altercations between the child and the custodial parent and/or other family members who support the custodial parent. Boyfriends and girlfriends of HAP parents sometimes get involved an assist the HAP parent to discipline the child without fully understanding the previous history.
Unfortunately, most HAP parents, of course, will claim that the conflict between themselves and the child is caused by the non-custodial parent and will not admit that it is their own HAP behaviour that is causing their child to behave in this manner.



Child runs away from the home of the custodial HAP parent or may refuse to return to the home of the HAP parent
Another sure sign that a child is being exposed to the influences of an HAP parent is when the child runs away from the custodial parent’s home and seeks shelter at the home of the non-custodial parent. A child who is having their physical and emotional needs met by a custodial parent has no need to run to another home as the custodial parent has all the power and control to protect them from any sort of negative influence affecting the child. In almost all cases, a child who runs from a custodial parent is sending the message that something is seriously wrong with the environment at the custodial parent’s home.
Sometimes the child may refuse to return to the custodial parent’s home and do such things as refuse to get out of the car when dropped back at the home of the custodial parent. Some children may put up a violent struggle and kick and scream and literally have to be forced into the control of the custodial parent. This can be very damaging to the child. Running away from an HAP parent’s home is one of the first symptoms of what can be referred to as “reverse parental alienation” where the child begins to develop a distain or even hatred of the HAP parent because the child’s wishes are not being listened to.



Child may exhibit a number of behavioural problems
Children exposed to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting likely will demonstrate a number of behavioural problems ranging from minor to serious as a result of their exposure to HAP. These problems may be observable at school, in the home and in the community. Some studies have shown that as much as 85% of children with behavioural problems come from single parent (usually fatherless) homes. Behaviour problems associated with children of separation and divorce generally are the result of two contributing factors, both of which are closely connected to HAP parenting.
(1) Behaviour problems learnt from child’s exposure to HAP environment
When children observe their HAP parent acting in an anti-social and aggressive manner over an extended period of time they often pick up on a number of these behaviours and over time, consider them to be socially acceptable. Children are a product of their environment and do learn what they live. Children living under the influence of a hostile-aggressive parent may become themselves, selfish, self centred and have growing anger management difficulties as years pass on. Children who are being physically abused or yelled at constantly by a HAP parent will begin to deal with their own problems in the same manner, often lashing verbally and physically at siblings or schoolmates. Many of these negative behaviours are often observable at the child’s school. HAP behaviours picked up by a child from the HAP parent will, in many cases, seriously affect a child’s development and interfere with their ability to lead a normal and balanced life. Some professionals may misdiagnose the child as having a conduct disorder and prescribe medication but, in reality, these professionals fail to realize that the child’s own parent is instilling these types of negative and anti-social behaviours into the child.Some young children who exhibit behavioural problems as a result of exposure to HAP parents do improve over the years. However, at least half or more get worse. Older children often develop a hostile, aggressive attitude as well as being disobedient and defiant to parents and authorities. Often these children get involved in more violent physical fights and may start to use weapons. They may steal or lie, without any sign of remorse or guilt when they are found out. They refuse to follow rules and may start to break the law. Teenagers exposed to the influences of an HAP parent start to manipulate the parents so that they can get anything they want. Remember, when children witness their HAP parent lie and deceive people and get away with it, then the child may develop the same attitude that if their parent can get away with it, then they can too.
Often, the parent who may have practiced HAP parenting when the child was younger, now find themselves held hostage to a child terrorist. HAP parents, fearful that the child may leave them and go to the other parent if they don’t get their way, often fall prey by letting the child set their own limits. The fear of losing child support payment, alone, is enough to make a parent ignore good parenting just to maintain their legal control over the child. Many of these affected children get involved in criminal activities. They may steal cars, break into houses or shoplift. They may take risks with their health and safety by taking illegal drugs or having unprotected sexual intercourse.
Children are less likely to act out aggressively when their parents use more effective parenting techniques than those who rely on hostile-aggressive techniques such as reacting to their child’s wishes to have a reasonable relationship with their other parent with anger, and using negative rather than positive reinforcement to the child’s relationship with the other parent.


(2) Behavioural problems caused by child’s unresolved anger and frustration from living under the control of an HAP parent
Some children develop behaviour problems as a result of unresolved anger and frustration because of being forced to live under the control of a hostile and controlling parent. Too often, family courts place custody of the child in the hands of the wrong parent who is often the HAP parent. Too often, the non-custodial parent is rendered helpless to assist the children and placed fully under the control of the custodial HAP parent. Children become angry and frustrated by the efforts of the HAP parent to further interfere with their relationship with the non-custodial parent. This anger and frustration develops into severe behaviour problems which affect them at school and at home. Behavioural problems caused by frustration and anger can only be effectively addressed when the children’s wishes and preferences are considered and the children provided the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their non-custodial parent.

High levels of conflict and behavioural between the child and the custodial HAP parent
High levels of conflict between a child and the custodial parent, especially about parenting time and/or communication with the non-custodial parent, are almost always a sure sign that the custodial parent is an HAP parent. A determined child will often rebel against their custodial parent and create all kinds of problems when they feel that their natural wishes and desires to see or to communicate with their other parent are being interfered with by the HAP parent. This is a natural reaction which is often a result of the child’s frustration and a desire to have their wishes and preferences respected by the adults, especially the custodial parent.
Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8 may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour. Children who are being adversely affected by a custodial parent’s Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, may at this age begin to start speaking of what it is that is bothering them and start challenging the authority of the HAP behaviours of their parents. They may become defiant and aggressive with the custodial parent, especially after they first go back to the custodial parent’s home after a visit with the noncustodial parent.
Children at this age often begin to see that what their custodial parent has led them to believe about their non-custodial parent is simply not true. They may become angry for being lied to by the HAP parent. Children when questioned, if they have not developed a fear or an emotional dependency of their custodial parent, will be able to speak out and clearly say what it is that is bothering them. In some situations, children may start to create incidents in an attempt to have their custodial parent get in trouble with authorities. Left unresolved, often these conflicts will turn to physical altercations between the child and the custodial parent and/or other family members who support the custodial parent. Boyfriends and girlfriends of HAP parents sometimes get involved an assist the HAP parent to discipline the child without fully understanding the previous history.
Unfortunately, most HAP parents, of course, will claim that the conflict between themselves and the child is caused by the non-custodial parent and will not admit that it is their own HAP behaviour that is causing their child to behave in this manner.




Child runs away from the home of the custodial HAP parent or may refuse to return to the home of the HAP parent
Another sure sign that a child is being exposed to the influences of an HAP parent is when the child runs away from the custodial parent’s home and seeks shelter at the home of the non-custodial parent. A child who is having their physical and emotional needs met by a custodial parent has no need to run to another home as the custodial parent has all the power and control to protect them from any sort of negative influence affecting the child. In almost all cases, a child who runs from a custodial parent is sending the message that something is seriously wrong with the environment at the custodial parent’s home.
Sometimes the child may refuse to return to the custodial parent’s home and do such things as refuse to get out of the car when dropped back at the home of the custodial parent. Some children may put up a violent struggle and kick and scream and literally have to be forced into the control of the custodial parent. This can be very damaging to the child. Running away from an HAP parent’s home is one of the first symptoms of what can be referred to as “reverse parental alienation” where the child begins to develop a distain or even hatred of the HAP parent because the child’s wishes are not being listened to.




Child may exhibit a number of behavioural problems
Children exposed to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting likely will demonstrate a number of behavioural problems ranging from minor to serious as a result of their exposure to HAP. These problems may be observable at school, in the home and in the community. Some studies have shown that as much as 85% of children with behavioural problems come from single parent (usually fatherless) homes. Behaviour problems associated with children of separation and divorce generally are the result of two contributing factors, both of which are closely connected to HAP parenting.
(1) Behaviour problems learnt from child’s exposure to HAP environment
When children observe their HAP parent acting in an anti-social and aggressive manner over an extended period of time they often pick up on a number of these behaviours and over time, consider them to be socially acceptable. Children are a product of their environment and do learn what they live. Children living under the influence of a hostile-aggressive parent may become themselves, selfish, self centred and have growing anger management difficulties as years pass on. Children who are being physically abused or yelled at constantly by a HAP parent will begin to deal with their own problems in the same manner, often lashing verbally and physically at siblings or schoolmates. Many of these negative behaviours are often observable at the child’s school. HAP behaviours picked up by a child from the HAP parent will, in many cases, seriously affect a child’s development and interfere with their ability to lead a normal and balanced life. Some professionals may misdiagnose the child as having a conduct disorder and prescribe medication but, in reality, these professionals fail to realize that the child’s own parent is instilling these types of negative and anti-social behaviours into the child.Some young children who exhibit behavioural problems as a result of exposure to HAP parents do improve over the years. However, at least half or more get worse. Older children often develop a hostile, aggressive attitude as well as being disobedient and defiant to parents and authorities. Often these children get involved in more violent physical fights and may start to use weapons. They may steal or lie, without any sign of remorse or guilt when they are found out. They refuse to follow rules and may start to break the law. Teenagers exposed to the influences of an HAP parent start to manipulate the parents so that they can get anything they want. Remember, when children witness their HAP parent lie and deceive people and get away with it, then the child may develop the same attitude that if their parent can get away with it, then they can too.
Often, the parent who may have practiced HAP parenting when the child was younger, now find themselves held hostage to a child terrorist. HAP parents, fearful that the child may leave them and go to the other parent if they don’t get their way, often fall prey by letting the child set their own limits. The fear of losing child support payment, alone, is enough to make a parent ignore good parenting just to maintain their legal control over the child. Many of these affected children get involved in criminal activities. They may steal cars, break into houses or shoplift. They may take risks with their health and safety by taking illegal drugs or having unprotected sexual intercourse.
Children are less likely to act out aggressively when their parents use more effective parenting techniques than those who rely on hostile-aggressive techniques such as reacting to their child’s wishes to have a reasonable relationship with their other parent with anger, and using negative rather than positive reinforcement to the child’s relationship with the other parent.


(2) Behavioural problems caused by child’s unresolved anger and frustration from living under the control of an HAP parent
Some children develop behaviour problems as a result of unresolved anger and frustration because of being forced to live under the control of a hostile and controlling parent. Too often, family courts place custody of the child in the hands of the wrong parent who is often the HAP parent. Too often, the non-custodial parent is rendered helpless to assist the children and placed fully under the control of the custodial HAP parent. Children become angry and frustrated by the efforts of the HAP parent to further interfere with their relationship with the non-custodial parent. This anger and frustration develops into severe behaviour problems which affect them at school and at home. Behavioural problems caused by frustration and anger can only be effectively addressed when the children’s wishes and preferences are considered and the children provided the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their non-custodial parent.

High levels of conflict and behavioural between the child and the custodial HAP parent
High levels of conflict between a child and the custodial parent, especially about parenting time and/or communication with the non-custodial parent, are almost always a sure sign that the custodial parent is an HAP parent. A determined child will often rebel against their custodial parent and create all kinds of problems when they feel that their natural wishes and desires to see or to communicate with their other parent are being interfered with by the HAP parent. This is a natural reaction which is often a result of the child’s frustration and a desire to have their wishes and preferences respected by the adults, especially the custodial parent.
Children, especially those above the age of 7 to 8 may begin to show anger directed at their custodial HAP parent. Children at this age begin to come out of their shell and begin to develop a greater ability to reason and to differentiate right behaviour from wrong behaviour. Children who are being adversely affected by a custodial parent’s Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, may at this age begin to start speaking of what it is that is bothering them and start challenging the authority of the HAP behaviours of their parents. They may become defiant and aggressive with the custodial parent, especially after they first go back to the custodial parent’s home after a visit with the noncustodial parent.
Children at this age often begin to see that what their custodial parent has led them to believe about their non-custodial parent is simply not true. They may become angry for being lied to by the HAP parent. Children when questioned, if they have not developed a fear or an emotional dependency of their custodial parent, will be able to speak out and clearly say what it is that is bothering them. In some situations, children may start to create incidents in an attempt to have their custodial parent get in trouble with authorities. Left unresolved, often these conflicts will turn to physical altercations between the child and the custodial parent and/or other family members who support the custodial parent. Boyfriends and girlfriends of HAP parents sometimes get involved an assist the HAP parent to discipline the child without fully understanding the previous history.
Unfortunately, most HAP parents, of course, will claim that the conflict between themselves and the child is caused by the non-custodial parent and will not admit that it is their own HAP behaviour that is causing their child to behave in this manner.



Child runs away from the home of the custodial HAP parent or may refuse to return to the home of the HAP parent
Another sure sign that a child is being exposed to the influences of an HAP parent is when the child runs away from the custodial parent’s home and seeks shelter at the home of the non-custodial parent. A child who is having their physical and emotional needs met by a custodial parent has no need to run to another home as the custodial parent has all the power and control to protect them from any sort of negative influence affecting the child. In almost all cases, a child who runs from a custodial parent is sending the message that something is seriously wrong with the environment at the custodial parent’s home.
Sometimes the child may refuse to return to the custodial parent’s home and do such things as refuse to get out of the car when dropped back at the home of the custodial parent. Some children may put up a violent struggle and kick and scream and literally have to be forced into the control of the custodial parent. This can be very damaging to the child. Running away from an HAP parent’s home is one of the first symptoms of what can be referred to as “reverse parental alienation” where the child begins to develop a distain or even hatred of the HAP parent because the child’s wishes are not being listened to.



Child may exhibit a number of behavioural problems
Children exposed to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting likely will demonstrate a number of behavioural problems ranging from minor to serious as a result of their exposure to HAP. These problems may be observable at school, in the home and in the community. Some studies have shown that as much as 85% of children with behavioural problems come from single parent (usually fatherless) homes. Behaviour problems associated with children of separation and divorce generally are the result of two contributing factors, both of which are closely connected to HAP parenting.
(1) Behaviour problems learnt from child’s exposure to HAP environment
When children observe their HAP parent acting in an anti-social and aggressive manner over an extended period of time they often pick up on a number of these behaviours and over time, consider them to be socially acceptable. Children are a product of their environment and do learn what they live. Children living under the influence of a hostile-aggressive parent may become themselves, selfish, self centred and have growing anger management difficulties as years pass on. Children who are being physically abused or yelled at constantly by a HAP parent will begin to deal with their own problems in the same manner, often lashing verbally and physically at siblings or schoolmates. Many of these negative behaviours are often observable at the child’s school. HAP behaviours picked up by a child from the HAP parent will, in many cases, seriously affect a child’s development and interfere with their ability to lead a normal and balanced life. Some professionals may misdiagnose the child as having a conduct disorder and prescribe medication but, in reality, these professionals fail to realize that the child’s own parent is instilling these types of negative and anti-social behaviours into the child.Some young children who exhibit behavioural problems as a result of exposure to HAP parents do improve over the years. However, at least half or more get worse. Older children often develop a hostile, aggressive attitude as well as being disobedient and defiant to parents and authorities. Often these children get involved in more violent physical fights and may start to use weapons. They may steal or lie, without any sign of remorse or guilt when they are found out. They refuse to follow rules and may start to break the law. Teenagers exposed to the influences of an HAP parent start to manipulate the parents so that they can get anything they want. Remember, when children witness their HAP parent lie and deceive people and get away with it, then the child may develop the same attitude that if their parent can get away with it, then they can too.
Often, the parent who may have practiced HAP parenting when the child was younger, now find themselves held hostage to a child terrorist. HAP parents, fearful that the child may leave them and go to the other parent if they don’t get their way, often fall prey by letting the child set their own limits. The fear of losing child support payment, alone, is enough to make a parent ignore good parenting just to maintain their legal control over the child. Many of these affected children get involved in criminal activities. They may steal cars, break into houses or shoplift. They may take risks with their health and safety by taking illegal drugs or having unprotected sexual intercourse.
Children are less likely to act out aggressively when their parents use more effective parenting techniques than those who rely on hostile-aggressive techniques such as reacting to their child’s wishes to have a reasonable relationship with their other parent with anger, and using negative rather than positive reinforcement to the child’s relationship with the other parent.


(2) Behavioural problems caused by child’s unresolved anger and frustration from living under the control of an HAP parent
Some children develop behaviour problems as a result of unresolved anger and frustration because of being forced to live under the control of a hostile and controlling parent. Too often, family courts place custody of the child in the hands of the wrong parent who is often the HAP parent. Too often, the non-custodial parent is rendered helpless to assist the children and placed fully under the control of the custodial HAP parent. Children become angry and frustrated by the efforts of the HAP parent to further interfere with their relationship with the non-custodial parent. This anger and frustration develops into severe behaviour problems which affect them at school and at home. Behavioural problems caused by frustration and anger can only be effectively addressed when the children’s wishes and preferences are considered and the children provided the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with their non-custodial parent.
LINK:hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/effects_of_hap.asp