The Adopted Child Knows Better Than to Expect Respect.
Without Choice I am forced into adoption sacrificed to appease the grieving adoptive mother's loss. To provide her a distraction from her post-natal death depression. The warning from the well published psychology experts in the late 1960's say that replacing a dead biological child with a live adopted child would result in psychopathy. The San Diego County adoptions were more concerned with getting their quotas met, budgets balanced and removing one more constantly hospitalized foster infant off their payroll to become someone else's financial problem. This theme of being a living financial liability was kept intact and used frequently by my adoptive father to contrast my human worth. My adoptive mother used the financial liability theme to psychologically manipulate me into always feeling guilty for needing doctor visits and antibiotics for chronic infections. Although I was too young to understand the concept of money I did understand the fact that I provided nothing to the adopted family but financial drain. In childhood I learned that I was not deserving of my adoptive family, I did not possess the natural talents, tools or knowledge to learn how to become worthy in order to have a place in my adoptive family. When a child does not earn, merit or deserve better treatment as a family member, I just accepted the fact in childhood that I was not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough and my poorly developed personality only served to annoy my adoptive family. These truths are the foundation of my "adopted child role" that label me to my adoptive family for the rest of my adult life. My adoptive family can only see me even at 40 years old as not very smart, not capable to accomplish anything relevant, and the personal guarantee that I would provide them with life-long disappointments. Due to my "flawed adopted genetics" my failures would be predictable, my dissimilar behavior would be a constant problem and my disturbing adopted child personality would provide the adoptive family with amusement at my failures and horror if any connection to the adoptive family was known. Never was I entitled to the same treatment that the parents bestowed upon their biological sons...As being adopted plus being a girl were viewed as disappointing shame that would always come back to splash the family's good name. They reminded me that their adoption charity can only go so far when a worthless child that produces nothing but anger in their parents and expects respect, they will only get laughed at.