The Real Mother, First Mother, Natural Mother's Suffering
GRIEF OF NATURAL MOTHER.
Adoption: From the Point of View of the Natural Parents.
Cavenar.J,: Spaulding.J.G: Hammet.E.: 1976.
GRIEF OF NATURAL MOTHERS.
MOURNING A STILL BIRTH.
BIRTH PARENTS REVISITED AFTER ADOPTION.
RELINQUISHMENT AND IT'S MATERNAL COMPLICATIONS.
ANGER IN THE NATURAL MOTHER.
MOTHERS SUFFER AFTER ADOPTION.
FEAR IN THE NATURAL MOTHER: AFTERMATH OF ADOPTION.
- Fear that the adoptee will never know of his adoptive status.
- Fear that the adoptee has suffered negative feelings and had other problems related to his adoption.
- Fear that the adoptee has hateful and angry feelings toward his natural parents. Natural mothers often question how they will cope with this if contact occurs, although one recently stated she would prefer to hear negative feelings voiced directly rather than never have the opportunity to meet the adoptee face to face.
- Fear that the adoptee will believe his natural mother did not want him, and never know she did and still cares and continues to be concerned about his progress and welfare.
- Fear that the adopters have told the adoptee lies, "your mother is dead", or painted a very bleak picture of his natural parents.
- Fears that the adoptee is dead or fears for his welfare should his parents die while he is still dependent.
- Fears that the child relinquished for adoption was not placed and instead grew up in an institution.
- Fears that the adoptee will not search, despite his desire, because of his adopters opposition or because he feels they will be really hurt if he searched.
GRIEF IN THE NATURAL MOTHER: HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION PAPER. 1984.
PSYCHOLOGICAL DISABILITY IN BIRTH MOTHERS.
BIRTH PARENTS AND LOSS.
"It is our contention that their grief has been cruelly exacerbated by the long standing conspiracy of silence which surrounded adoption practise".The loss of a child by death is generally accepted to be a very traumatic event for parents and family, and is followed by traumatic and complicated grief reactions. The loss of a child through relinquishment is similarly, for many birth mothers, a tragic event but is complicated by the fact that the birth mother suffers in silence.
PRIMARY PROCESS THINKING IN PREGNANT WOMEN.
PARENT AND INFANT ATTACHMENT IN THE EARLY POSTNATAL PERIOD.
Twenty five years ago, Gerald Caplan (1961) wrote:
Winkler.R. Brown.D. Van Keppel.M. Blanchare.A.: 1988.
- A sense of powerlessness and betrayal that has permeated subsequent relationships, not only with the professionals but also with family and friends.
- Inability to mourn the loss of their child, because they had no memories of the actual child: there was often no saying goodbye, nor memories of seeing or touching the child which would have assisted the parents to shift the experience from the realm of fantasy into the realm of reality. Denial of the experience was promoted as an effective coping strategy.
- Damaged self-esteem and a strong sense of worthlessness (complicated by shame and guilt) resulted from the way in which their needs and experiences were ignored by members of the adoption community.
GIVING UP THE BABY.
BIRTH MOTHER SPEAKS.
THE ABSENT CHILD.
IMPACT OF GRIEF TO BIRTHMOTHERS.
Lavonne. H. Shiffler. 1991.
IMPACT ON SEXUALITY.
IMPACT ON SPIRITUALITY.
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS IN BIRTHMOTHERS.
"I was scared to death that they would catch me. I just stood there at the nursery window with tears rolling down my face, looking at all the babies trying to see which one of them was mine. I thought I would die when a nurse opened the door and asked me what I wanted. I just cried and cried and told her my baby was in the nursery and was being placed for adoption. She said to come in, that wonderful woman took me into the nursery and let me sit in a rocking chair and hold my baby. I just sat there crying and rocking."Common advice from the family, nurses, physicians, and social workers included "pretend the adoption is a miscarriage", or "Oh, you'll get over it". "Why you'll forget it after you have another baby."