Adoptee Has No Concept of the Future
I have never understood the concept of the future because I've never possessed one.
No mental schema of years from now, months from today or tomorrow.
My adoptive mother never spoke about my future as I was mentally and legally bound to be her forever adopted child. No college aspirations or marriage and definitely NO children as my adoptive parents were outright pissed off when married I told them of my excitement about my first pregnancy. They replied "we wish you would have discussed this with us".
"A Discussion" is something where two respected parties equally discuss a topic, that is non-existent in my adoption relationship. My adoptive parents only talked at me from immediate circumstances such as my bad grades, although when I achieved straight A's in high school it was not mentioned at all, like I just proved them right, that all along I was lazy and not trying. This also promoted the fact that I wasted my young life and not an achievement.
I have never been able to save money or have a bank account with money in it, As my concept of "save for tomorrow" still does not exist. Although I have great difficulty in living or experiencing life "in the moment", as I am a still the perpetual watcher from childhood that watches other people live and play.
I do not know how to be at one with others due to the fact that I was forced into the horror of self-recognition after my birth, a year before normal children intentionally separate from their biological mother-infant dyad. I believe that this forced self-recognition to an immature infant feels only devastatingly alone and never learns what it is or feels like to be maternally connected to their other half. My lack of continuity for the future comes from having been socially forced to ignore my past, to a child they flounder in their present full of confusion that never feels normal or comfortable, it always feels nerve wracking and I know that it is not normal. This is made worse by abusive, neglectful and hostility ridden rejecting adoptive mothers that make the adopted child feel nervous and anxiety ridden everyday of their childhood for existing in the adoptive mother's mental space.
Yet this anxiety never goes away even as I escaped the adoptive mother's vengeful wrath years ago. Being nervously alone is the constant familiar feeling that goes with me wherever I am. I find comfort in silence far from people and the society that labels me worthless. Would I have worth to society if I had a large bank account? It would still do nothing for my self-esteem, or provide a temporary distraction from it.
The adopted child that is forced to deny their past, cant have a present or a future, imagined or real. As normal people have historic histories of ancestry and family heritage that continues on from that past forward forever in the children of children. The biological family tree goes on forever in past or future, both ways in either direction are their family, clan and people. The reality of making a mental island out of an infant by stealing away his past, you steal away his future in the only language that survives the time sensitive continuity of people's lives, their heritage lasts forever as the human chain of family ancestry. It is what survives all people and gives them continuity from their genetic past through their genetic future in the offspring's heritage.