About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Denial Of Adoptee Suffering


Adoption Denial, Denial of Adopted Child's Truths

I read in a recent adoptive parent blog post, the adoptive mother's remarks were the shocking truth on the subject of adoption denial that no one wants to say out-loud, write about or believe. 

Adoptive Mother Writes:
"Denial is how we get through each day, without denial of reality, no one would take on the problems inherent to raising an adopted child that promises no guarantees to the efforts of adoptive parents". 

As an adoptee, I really appreciated this adoptive mother's honesty and courage in telling her truth. She is an amazing person and I respect her for her ability to discuss this relevant subject which helps me the adoptee somehow understand the adoptive parent's perspective regarding this plight that adoptees live a little bit better. 

Primitive Defense Mechanisms. Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development.

Denial of impact

Denial of impact involves a person's avoiding thinking about or understanding the harms of his or her behavior has caused to self or others, i.e. denial of the consequences. Doing this enables that person to avoid feeling a sense of guilt and it can prevent him or her from developing remorse or empathy for others. Denial of impact reduces or eliminates a sense of pain or harm from poor decisions.

Denial of cycle

Many who use this type of denial will say things such as, "it just happened". Denial of cycle is where a person avoids looking at their decisions leading up to an event or does not consider their pattern of decision making and how harmful behavior is repeated. The pain and harm being avoided by this type of denial is more of the effort needed to change the focus from a singular event to looking at preceding events. It can also serve as a way to blame or justify behavior (see above).

Denial of awareness

This form of denial attempts to divert pain by claiming that the level of awareness was inhibited by some mitigating variable. This is most typically seen in addiction situations where drug or alcohol abuse is a factor, though it also occasionally manifests itself in relation to mental health issues or the pharmaceutical substances used to treat mental health issues. This form of denial may also overlap with denial of responsibility.

Denial of denial

This can be a difficult concept for many people to identify with in themselves, but is a major barrier to changing hurtful behaviors. Denial of denial involves thoughts, actions and behaviors which bolster confidence that nothing needs to be changed in one's personal behavior. This form of denial typically overlaps with all of the other forms of denial, but involves more self-delusion. Denial at this level can have significant consequences both personally and at a societal level.


Harassment covers a wide range of offensive behavior. It is commonly understood as behaviour intended to disturb or upset. In the legal sense, it is behavior which is found threatening or disturbing.
DARVO is an acronym to describe a common strategy of abusers: Deny the abuse, then Attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby Reversing Victim and Offender. This may involve gaslighting and victim blaming.
Psychologist Jennifer Freyd writes:
...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of law suits, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on. The attack will often take the form of focusing on ridiculing the person who attempts to hold the offender accountable. [...] [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed. [...] The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Social Stigmas Created to Insulate Adoptive Parents From Fault


The Social Stigmas Created Insulate Adoptive Parents From Fault

Social Stigma #1. The Adopted Infant:
Being an adopted child is automatically associated with and assumed by society the stereotypical social stigma of being unwanted by our natural mother and family. 

When the mother is manipulated, coerced and forced to sign over her rights. 
The father is kept away, lied to from social worker demands or the mother is punishing the child's father with adoption secrecy to facilitate her plans.
When the maternal and paternal families are intentionally kept away, from knowledge of their grandchild, ability to intervene or assume care for their grandchild....All are intentional deceptions, immoral, illegal and senseless behavior that directly harms the infant for life with a strangers adoption.  
Many adopted children "were and are still wanted by their family" our real family, mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents and relatives are our right to know as human beings. Not to be bought and sold through sanitized adoptions by strangers that claim ignorance to the trauma that their demands created.  

Social Stigma #2. The Adoptive Parents are Model Citizens:
It is assumed that the adopting mother and adopting father are one unit that is beyond reproach. The adoptive parents would never harm a child and have an elevated social status shielding them from any suspicion of negative motivations.

The adopting mother is usually the desperate individual racing against her biological clock to prove herself a mother to society by acquiring a child. Statistically it is the adopting mother executing the adoption plan. While the husband is agreeable with his wife's current pursuit, he does not want to make her angry or cross her. 

Social Stigma #3. The Adoptive Family Can Do No Wrong:
It is socially assumed that the adoptive family is a social institution where the adopted child is given a family, a financially stable beautiful home, provided nurturing and financial resources. Society gives the adopting family structure a pass for life if any present or future failures occur in the actions of the adopted child.

When anything negative does occur in regard to the adopted child it is the fault of #1.) the adopted child, #2.) the child's genetics, #3.) the first mother's negligence in her pregnancy, #4.) the adoption agency's neglect to inform. Society holds no consequences, associations and are morally absolved from any connection or criticism to the adopting parents lacking abilities, selfish parenting behaviors, adopted child neglect and abuse.

The reality for too many adopted children is omission & commission, neglect, verbal, physical, sexual abuse. The disturbing actions of adopters to get out of financial liability of the child the wanted so desperately by Re-Homing the adopted child over the internet. The never good "inmate status" of adopted children turned over to the foster care system of payments to caregivers for housing a child. In the foster care system where a child is guaranteed multiple placements in single female run foster homes where verbal, physical, sexual and psychological exploitation are common injuries to children removed from their family homes. In the childhoods of too many children, the foster system caused injuries are far worse than the parent trouble that caused the child's removal in the beginning. Sometimes interventions do more harm than good in relation to destroying children's lives for their best interests.   

The Impact of Childhood Neglect and Abuse


The Impact of Childhood Neglect and Abuse

The USA Surgeon General states under the category of mental health:
    … severe and repeated trauma during youth may have enduring effects upon both neurobiological and psychological development altering stress responsivity and altering adult behaviour patterns … these individuals experience a greatly increased risk of mood, anxiety and personality disorders throughout adult life.
When humans are young, their world revolves around their parents or primary care-givers. Parents or care-givers are the primary source of safety, security, love, understanding, nurturance and support. Child abuse violates the trust at the core of a child’s relationship with the world (Walker, 1994). When the primary relationship is one of betrayal, a negative schema or set of beliefs develops. This negative core schema often affects an individual’s capacity to establish and sustain significant attachments throughout life. Survivors often experience conflictual relationships and chaotic lifestyles, frequently report difficulties forming adult intimate attachments and display behaviours that threaten and disrupt close relationships (Henderson, 2006).
Many survivors’ lives are characterized by frequent crises e.g. job disappointments, relocations, failed relationships, financial setbacks. Many are the result of unresolved childhood abuse issues. The reasons are complex, but for many survivors ongoing internal chaos prevents the establishment of regularity, predictability and consistency. Many survivors function in ‘crisis mode’, responding with stopgap measures which don't resolve the underlying issues. This can be exhausting and dispiriting and  contribute to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness (The Morris Center, 1995).
Professor Bessel van Der Kolk, Harvard Medical School conducted a five year study of 528 trauma patients from American hospitals. This study identified a range of symptoms that correlated well with prolonged severe childhood sexual abuse:
    … the inability to regulate emotions like rage and terror, along with intense suicidal feelings, somatic disorder, negative self-perception, poor relationships, chronic feelings of isolation, despair and hopelessness; and dissociation and amnesia'.
    The implications are that real-world childhood… trauma may be responsible for many psychopathologies usually considered to have endogenous origins, including various kinds of phobic, depressive, anxiety and eating disorders, not to mention borderline personality, antisocial personality and multiple personality disorder.
A number of studies have explored the relationship between childhood trauma and later health concerns. Research has found that childhood abuse contributes to the likelihood of depression, anxiety disorders, addictions, personality disorders (Spila, Makara, Kozak, & Urbanska, 2008) eating disorders, sexual disorders and suicidal behaviour (Draper et al., 2007). A study by Palmer, Brown, Rae-Grant, & Loughin (2001) with 384 survivors of childhood abuse found that survivors of child abuse tended to be depressed, have low-self esteem, and to have problems with family functioning. A recent study found that almost 76% of adults reporting child physical abuse and neglect have at least one psychiatric disorder in their lifetime and nearly 50% have three or more psychiatric disorders (Harper et al., 2007). Adults with abuse histories also present with physical problems more frequently than those who have not experienced abuse (Draper et al., 2007). Furthermore, child sexual abuse has been found to be a key factor in youth homelessness with between 50-70% of young people within Supported Accommodation Assistance Programs having experienced childhood sexual assault (van Loon & Kralik, 2005b).
The long-term impact of child abuse is far-reaching; some studies indicate that, without the right support, the effects of childhood abuse can last a lifetime. This study by (Draper et al., 2007) found:
  • Child abuse survivors demonstrate
    • Poor mental health: are almost two and a half times as likely to have poor mental health outcomes,
    • Unhappiness: are four times more likely to be unhappy even in much later life
    • Poor physical health: are more likely to have poor physical health.
  • Childhood physical and sexual abuse
    • Medical diseases: increases the risk of having three or more medical diseases, including cardiovascular events in women
    • Relationships: causes a higher prevalence of broken relationships, lower rates of marriage in late life,
    • Isolation/social disconnection: cause lower levels of social support and an increased risk of living alone
    • Behavioural health effects: is associated with suicidal behaviour, increased likelihood of smoking, substance abuse, and physical inactivity.
The impact of child abuse does not end when the abuse stops and the long-term effects can interfere with day-to-day functioning. However, it is possible to live a full and constructive life, and even thrive – to enjoy a feeling of wholeness, satisfaction in your life and work as well as genuine love and trust in your relationships. Understanding the relationship between your prior abuse and current behaviour is the first step towards ‘recovery’.
Over two decades of research have demonstrated potential negative impact of child abuse and neglect on mental health including:
  • depression
  • anxiety disorders
  • poor self-esteem
  • aggressive behaviour
  • suicide attempts
  • eating disorders
  • use of illicit drugs
  • alcohol abuse
  • post-traumatic stress
  • dissocation
  • sexual difficulties
  • self-harming behaviours
  • personality disorders.
  • Victims of child abuse and neglect are more likely to commit crimes as juveniles and adults.

    We Need More Adoptee Writers!


    We Need More Adoptee Writers, Adoptee Topics, Adoptee Awareness

    I prefer to read adoptee information (not watch videos, podcasts).  
    The more adoption related content that I read, the better I understand the dynamics, distortions from narrow perspectives, especially content that challenges my views and is thought provoking. I enjoy reading adoption related content that encompasses alternative perspectives that are counter to my own...The content that is the opposite and counter to my perspective has had a positive effect on my awareness, which is constantly challenging me, my empathy is growing, changing and evolving through adoption education. Counter arguments may spark my own insight or anger might provoke me to expand on the subject to write about.

    The problems that I have experienced in seeking adoption related information the lack of adoption education from adoptees that lived it. Adoption writing, as topics generally narrowed to three: 
    #1. Pre-Adoption & home study process.
    #2. Adoptive-parents & biological parents
    #3. Search & Biological Reunion    

    I have compiled a list of 40 ADOPTEE categories, with 50 ADOPTEE sub-topics 80 Adoptee topics (A-Z). I've written 800 essays and I am quoted in 17 magazines around the world. Yet I am not satisfied my the minimum of content available. 

    The Problem of lacking information continues, Finding information is extremely difficult and many writers waste so much effort on discrediting other writers instead of using their talents and expertise to expand on the much needed information adoptees desperately need to facilitate understanding with educational materials that cause expanded perceptions to healing in adoptees.

    I believe the problem lies in (#1.) exclusively pro-adoption language material or (#2) social & political correctness material, both lack, omit and avoid the "real life experience, emotional compromises" and the "ambiguity" is the general undercurrent of adoption. What I have also noticed is similar to the disgruntled employee, where the person example previous welfare worker that speaks out after employment has ended, where they write about their compromised personal ethics that were previously subdued by their social work jobs. If they were to write prior to ending their employment their job may have been in jeopardy by the content they write about. We need all perspectives on all adoption related content, by all persons regardless of their political positions. We need information that is yet to be written about adoption. The more content available to adoptees, the better opportunity to self educate that facilitates healing. Reading opposing viewpoints provokes thought, motivates writing that challenges the status quo.....creating the opportunity for dialog and personal healing. Although adoptee healing is a life-long process of becoming aware through information, where all perspectives are relevant and contribute to opening closed minds with education. From the darkness of Ignorance to the light of knowledge we can evolve and change our perspectives that benefit the voiceless in society.        

    The perpetrators of Child Adoption Traffic


    The Perpetrators of Child Adoption Traffic

    In the U.S. Modern day slavery is alive and thriving in the sterilized form of child adoption. The most disturbing is the perpetrators of child adoption traffic, Jane and Dick Smith. The Smiths attend your church, your children's schools and live in your neighborhoods. The Smiths ignored welfare system protocols, bypassing the rules they buy children in third world countries and play it off like they played by the rules. When obvious illegal situations arise, they claim ignorant, like paying official's bribes, twenty-to thirty thousand dollars in cash to third parties with falsified documents are accepted without question. 

    When their child has been reported missing in the child's country, they claim sadness but surrendering their child is never a consideration as the U.S. will protect the adoptive parent from the consequences of what they have done. These adopters claim the child is better off in the U.S. than in the care of their real family that may be poor in the distorted perspectives of arrogant American adopters.

    American adopters believe a yearly week of coloring in adoption culture camp will solve all problems for the international adoptee.  When the children grow into cognitive awareness they realize the injustice and their parent's adoption fantasy disconnect of what is forced on them and reality sets in. In the horror of the truth, the fairy tale of their parent's child adoption story holds no weight to the adopted child's experience. The adoptee that actually lives it can take no stock in the story book version the adoptive parents want to continue on to pretend that it does. Who is the real perpetual child that exists outside of adoption's reality? 

    Wednesday, September 21, 2016

    Narcissistic Parents Psychological Effect on their Children Article


    ARTICLE The Narcissistic Parent's Psychological Effect on their Children
    By Seth Meyers Psy.D.

    Narcissistic Parents’ Psychological Effect on Their Children

    The topic of narcissism begs the following question flashing in neon lights: Why would a narcissist want a child to begin with? Aren’t they so focused on themselves that they wouldn’t have the slightest interest in paying attention to others, much less attending to a needy young child who craves constant attention and praise?
    Alas, the question presumes a type of normalcy and natural order of the parent-child relationship that betrays the root of narcissism. The truth is, narcissistic parents don’t have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances. Understand this: Control over someone else is the ultimate jackpot every narcissist works so hard to win. The reality of narcissistic parenting couldn’t be sadder: The child of the narcissist realizes early on that he exists to provide a reflection for the parent and to serve the parent - not the other way around.
    If you comb through online relationship forums and chat rooms devoted to the subject of adult children of narcissists, you'll find that all of the posters of comments have suffered similar bruises at the hands of a narcissistic parent. To read some of the comments is heartbreaking, and calls into question how strange and illogical it is to create such rigorous adoption laws when an ill-fit individual can procreate whenever they want – and mess up the life of a child without suffering a consequence. The real tragedy occurs behind closed doors at home, much like the process of physical abuse. The problem with being a child of a narcissist is that it takes these children so many years of frustration and anguish to figure out that Mom or Dad isn’t quite right; until that point, these children are merely dancing as fast as they can, trying to please the impossible-to-please narcissistic parent. It takes years to finally see that the type of parenting they’ve been receiving is wrong – if not emotionally abusive.
    Young children of narcissists learn early in life that everything they do is a reflection on the parent to the point that the child must fit into the personality and behavioral mold intended for them. These children bear tremendous anxiety from a young age as they must continually push aside their own personality in order to please the parent and provide the mirror image the parent so desperately needs. If these children fail to comply with the narcissist’s wishes or try to set their own goals for their life – God, forbid – the children will be overtly punished, frozen out or avoided for a period of time – hours, days or even weeks depending on the perceived transgression in the eyes of the narcissistic parent.
    With young children, the narcissistic parent is experienced as unpredictable and confusing. After all, narcissists are awfully difficult to understand for adults, so just imagine how confusing the capricious narcissist is in the eyes of a young child! Because young kids can’t make accurate sense of the narcissist’s interpersonal tricks and stunts, these children internalize intense shame (‘I keep failing my Mom’) which leads to angerthat the child turns on himself (‘I’m so stupid,’ ‘Something’s wrong with me’). The overall quality and strength of the bond between the narcissistic parent and young child is poor and weak. Deep down, the child doesn’t feel consistently loved, as the child is taught the metaphoric Narcissistic Parenting Program: You’re only as good as I say you are, and you’ll be loved only if you’re fully compliant with my wishes. Simply put, it’s truly heartbreaking for the child – though the narcissistic parent is sinfully oblivious.
    It’s not until many years later that the life experiences of the child of the narcissist start to make a little more sense. Friends often catch glimpses of the kind of ‘crazy’ parenting these individuals received, so he or she starts to get a healthy reality check like this: “Your mom is insane,” or “Your Dad is seriously messed up.”
    How narcissistic parenting impacts the adult relationships of children of narcissists
    Because the narcissistic parent-child bond was so distorted and corrupt, the offspring as adults tend to gravitate toward drama-laden, roller-coaster relationships – especially with romantic partners. Because they didn’t grow up with the belief that they were intrinsically okay and good, it makes perfect sense that these individuals would gravitate toward stormy romantic partners later. These adults would feel like a fish out of water in a relationship with someone who loved them consistently, and the experience would be so unfamiliar that it would cause major anxiety. Accordingly, these individuals tend to seek out partners who are emotionally unavailable, critical or withholding – just like Mommy and/or Daddy was in the past. In short, the only kind of relationship the adult child of a narcissist really fits in with is one with a highly skewed dynamic: The child of the narcissist must cater to and keep their partner happy, even when that involves squashing her own needs and feelings.
    It’s not until the adult children of a narcissist get (a lot of) psychotherapy or have a life-changing experience that pulls them away them from the disturbed parent that these adult children can truly begin to heal – and then create better, more normal relationships that offer the give-and-take reciprocation most of us have and value in our relationships.
    What’s interesting to note is the narcissistic parent’s reaction to witnessing healthy psychological change in their child. Once the child or adult child of the narcissist starts to get psychologically healthier and begins to distance himself a bit from the parent, the narcissistic parent experiences a sort of existential panic. Often, it’s a psychotherapist, colleague or friend who plants the seeds of change, declaring to the child that the parent is toxic and emotionally abusive. Thrust into fight mode, the narcissistic parent feels furious and works to ostracize the individual suspected of inducing the change and pulling the child away from the parent’s tight grip. Though it can initially be confusing to the adult child why the narcissistic parent verbally tears apart his closest confidants, the parent’s reaction ultimately shows the adult child what matters most to the narcissistic parent: his or her own emotional needs – not those of the adult child.
    If you happen to be someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissistic parent, talk to your friends and other family members about your experience, and consider talking to a mental health professional. After years of dealing with the inconsistency of a narcissistic parent, it can be extremely healing to have a therapist help you make sense of the craziness.
    Link:www.psychologytoday.com/Narcissistic Parents Psychological Effects on their Children/

    Tuesday, September 20, 2016

    Adverse Effects on Family From the Introduction of the Adopted Child


    The Possible Adverse Psychological Effects of the Adopted Child On the Adoptive Parent's Offspring (Siblings)

            Possible Adverse Effects of an Adoptee on the Adoptive Family's Biological Offspring

    Czech-American psychiatrist Stanislav Grof writes in, Beyond the Brain, (1985): "Although the entire spectrum of experiences occurring on this level cannot be reduced to a reliving of biological birth, the birth trauma seems to represent an important core of the process." (p. 99) If the explanation for symptomology is not pre- and peri-natal trauma, Grof believes that early profound childhood and infantile illness, when there was a chance of dying, is the cause.
    He believes, as does clinical psychologist, Arthur Janov, that the roots of depression can be traced back to birth. This common experience of tracing one's emotional disorders to the process of birth (or early life threatening illness) is a common occurrence in the regressive therapies (ibid., p. 247).
    Fixation on One's Mother
    In cases of severe birth trauma, the contemplation by the child of of the mother's death is often phobic in nature, with the child obsessively sharing with his mother and others his anticipatory fear of her death. The distraught feelings from which the child suffers when contemplating its mother's demise sometimes cannot be contained and is compulsively shared with the mother and with others. This is not the operation of the so-called oedipus complex, but is rather emblematic of the strength of unresolved early traumas of the sibling relating to his mother.
    Indeed, this unresolved fixation on the mother, is one of the more potent issues in all of psychotherapy. In the regressive therapies, where extremely early problems can be relived and ultimately resolved, its existence is often presented as an entry point for the reliving and ultimate resolution of early parental traumas.
    In later life, such a person would have difficulty in emotional detachment from the mother and transference of its ties to a girlfriend or wife and can present itself as a fear of marriage and of sexual relations. (See Cuddling and Holding As Stress Reducers and . . . As Possible Stress Increasers ). This is so because the later close relationship of the person with a love object is an unconscious reminder of the earlier traumatic relationship with the mother. (For its birth trauma implications, see my article, The Origins of the Fear of Female Genitalia).
    When an adopted child enters family constellations as described above, buried primal feelings are brought to the surface in a sibling because of his earlier unconscious feeling of not having the love of its mother. For such a child, attempts at assurance of love do not suffice. The attention paid to the adoptee, who is considered to be an intruder into the family, can be a potent source for the beginning of the birth child's overt symptoms, but it is often that the distress of the birth child's own pre- and peri-natal traumas which are ultimately the source of his present suffering.

    Dr. Grof believes the origins of depression are derived from the second phase of his schema of birth stages. His form of regressive therapy, which he calls holotropic breathwork, makes it possible for one to relive the actual feelings and physical sensations of one's birth process. Many claim the earlier one is able to relive these experience, the better the results with the more recent trauma yielding its tenacious hold in the subconscious more readily.
    He writes,
    "Many people have to process experiences of near drowning, operations, accidents, and children's diseases, particularly those that were associated with suffocation, such as diphtheria, whooping cough, or aspiration of a foreign object." He admits that this therapy methodology is not currently accepted in mainstream psychiatry, nevertheless, "(w)hen our process of deep experiential self-exploration moves beyond the level of memories from childhood and infancy and reaches back to birth, we start encountering emotions and physical sensations of extreme intensity, often surpassing anything we previously considered humanly possible.
    ...At this point, the experiences become a strange mixture of the themes of birth and death....We can feel the anxiety, biological fury, physical pain, and suffocation associated with this terrifying event and even accurately recognize the type of anesthesia used when we were born. This is often accompanied by various postures and movements of the head and body that accurately recreate the mechanics of a particular type of delivery. All these details can be confirmed if good birth records or reliable personal witnesses are available." -- S. Grof, M.D., The Future of Psychiatry: Conceptual Challenges to Psychiatry, Psychology, and Psychotherapy,(article)

    "Children are killing children at an alarming rate. Child abuse is epidemic. Children are harming themselves, committing suicide, at increasingly younger ages" 
    --Barbara Findeisen, Foreword in Roy Ridgway and Simon H. House
    The Unborn Child, Beginning a Whole Life and Overcoming Problems of Early Origin

    Clinical psychologist, Arthur Janov, Ph.D., in his latest book, The Janov Solution (2007), emphasizes the important relationship between depression and birth trauma. His book has seventeen beautifully written case studies of persons who were treated at his therapy center and they form an important and instructive role in pointing out the origins of the person's depressive symptoms. Each is quite different, and yet similar, in illustrating how the foundations of depression were laid down very early in life.
    Janov writes that physician researcher, J.K.S. Anand, believed that birth and pre-birth difficulties can often be a matter of life and death, and that the most severe repression takes place during fetal life. This very early near-death trauma will remain with us as long as we live. Medication can temporarily alleviate some symptoms, but the imprint is very early and is about coming close to death. It is a severe trauma with resultant symptoms that interfere with our enjoyment of life.
    The birthing baby had felt as though it was dying. For some who came close to death at birth, wishing for death had been a solution to its suffering even before it was born. This solution to suffering and consideration of suicide as a way out of present-day psychological and physical pain often have their origins in this process. The unconscious memory of the stubborn imprint returns when we are stressed in the present. Just about any severe present stress reaches back to its pre- and peri-natal roots.
    In the first pages of his book, Dr. Janov suggests that early traumatic experiences are almost always causal factors in depression and that their effects can continue to resound throughout one's life. And it's not just birth, as intrauterine development gone awry can also wreak havoc with the normal parameters or set points for our physiology which influence our susceptibility to depression and other mental illnesses. See Janov's blog article, Life Before Birth: How Experience in the Womb can Affect Our Lives Forever (revised) .
    In regards to the genetics of depression, Janov writes that, sometimes, in rare cases, inheritability can play a role. He believes that,
    "...by and large, birth trauma and early life experience are the root cause. There are changes in physiology during our life in the womb. The set-points of so many hormones are being established. One may think that such deficiencies are genetic, but there are events that can cause them that are not always obvious. They are only obvious when the patient in therapy descends to the antipodes of the unconscious where the crucial explanation of one's depression lies....A near death trauma experienced during gestation, or at birth, dogs us for the rest of our lives as an imprint held within the brainstem and limbic/feeling centers." (Janov, ibid., pps. 11-12)

    Often, their birthing mothers had been heavy anesthetized. Indeed, he believes that anesthesia given to the birthing mother is the most common trauma which a baby endures.
    Since the anesthesia is administered to the mother in relation to her weight, the dose is often more than the fetus can safely handle and can cause massive shutdowns of a multiplicity of the birthing baby's body systems. The anesthesia can traumatize the birthing fetus by slowing down its birth and thus can interfere with the primal reliving of one's birthing experiences. Anesthesia administered for the sake of the mother's physical pain can, therefore, deal a triple whammy to the birthing baby!

    The early pains of our past are strung together like knots on a cord. A later hurt, such as jealousy, feelings of being rejected, or feeling a lack of love becomes part and parcel of that universal hurt of our beginnings - even sometimes extending into the process of our gestation. These later hurts/pains of infancy and early childhood provide a pathway or opening to our more severe traumas of which the trauma of our birth is the most common. Janov describes the process in his blog of 3/21/09: "Feeling pain in the present can trigger off related pain going all the way back to the womb. That early pain can join the current feeling and become absorbed into the system, eventually leading to connection and resolution."

    Evolution gave us our upright position but in so doing guaranteed that each member of mankind must often suffer the sometimes unbearable pain of his birth with its life changing consequences. This becomes so because, unlike other mammals, it became imperative that we are born before sufficient developmental time has passed. At birth we are still fetuses. More growth and development of our brain would require a larger bony-pelvic opening in the female of our species in order to give birth more easily. But if she would have developed a somewhat larger pelvic opening she would become eviscerated by simple gravity. Because of the inadequate size of women's pelvic opening, unlike other mammals, we are born before we should be and remain extremely dependent for a longer period of time than any other mammals.
    The evolution of bipedalism had the important benefit of freeing our hands for other activities, such as seeking food and caring for offspring, but it also subjected the child being born to overwhelming trauma because it placed a limit on the size of the pelvic opening. For information about how birthing can produce PTSD in the birthing mother herself, read, on this website, my article, Maternal Birth Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.


    Saturday, September 17, 2016

    Adoption Gossip


    Adoptive Mother's Gossip

    To the adopted child hearing their adoptive mother gossip about them on the phone, in a social group setting, with relatives or friends causes humiliation in the adopted child regardless of their age.
    The worst is gossiping about the adopted child right in front of the adopted child as the adoptive mother obviously does not care that the child can hear.
    The talk may be good, bad or neutral yet it is still "GOSSIP". The adoptive mother will make many excuses if she is ever questioned about her chronic gossiping about the adopted child...that she is concerned, she has the best intentions etc...the truth that she does not care about the adopted child's feelings or she would shut her mouth or do it in private. 

    Gossip is humiliating and causes the adopted child to feel more shame and isolation from the adoptive family as the group's matriarch is the one singling out and exploiting the adopted child as different. So unlike raising her own biological offspring that the adopted child is well deserving of her scrutiny.

    Everyone wants to know about the adoptive mother's personal sacrifice and difficulty of raising the novelty item adopted child that she endures in the name of charity.

    Why Strangers Need to Humiliate the adopted Child in Public?

    If adoption is supposed to be so publicly acceptable, So mainstream and common everybody has one....Adopted Child, Why the need to point fingers?

    Why do people still need to state the obvious?... to ask questions they already know the answers to, Why are people still compelled to make remarks that isolate, humiliate and reduce the adopted child to a novelty item status?  
    As though the adopted child is invisible they ask the mother personal and private questions about the adopted child's lost parents and painful beginnings in the grocery store. They state the obvious and inject their own ignorant spin "how could any parent give away such a precious child"...I hate these people!

    To me an adopted child that suffered a gossiping mother that loves such questions from strangers she would recite her "adoption speech"about me while present. She loved the attention from strangers that instantly gave her "saint status" they gave me their verbal pity, that objectification that reduced me to the grateful orphan status and reminded me what I should feel. If I offered any rudeness or self-defense against the stranger, My face would be slapped infront of the stranger. I was allowed to sit there and required to smile and remain silent, even though inside me was burning with rage! 

    I was never an orphan, A baby-scoop era refugee, both of my biological families wanted me but I was sold into adoption because I looked like a white baby and that I am NOT. All adoption assumptions about me were so wrong. After my biological family reunions, I know the truth and the injustice I lived was excruciating!