Adoptee's Grief Can't Be Fixed or Avoided As It Will Always Exist
The adoptive parent's high expectation that their adopted child will be the single exception to the well documented multitude of adopted child issues, is their own strong willed denial that the consequences from adoption will not occur. This type of adoptive parent of mind set, demanding that their love is more powerful than all others to overcome any problems, unfortunately for the adopted child love is not the antidote for adoption pain.
In-fact their is no cure for adoption related consequences, that never go away and at some point in the adult adoptee's life they will attempt to address them.
The adoptive parent denial tells the adopted child that there is no tolerance for the adopted child's problems, especially when the adoptive parent believes that when any problems surface it is a direct insult to the parent's attempts to love.
They just don't get it, and need to place blame on the adopted child in order to avoid being implicated for bad parenting.
The standard consequences from adoption begin at birth with the adopted child's "biological separation trauma", the ignoring, dismissing and vilifying of the adopted child's biological parents, and the intentional disregarding the adopted child's unique individuality in forced assimilation of the adoptive parent's traits and values. This is just the tip of the iceberg, the biological reunion is just one small step toward self healing, exiting "Adoption-Fog" and self-discovery in adoptee adulthood is one large step. Yet adoptees are forever broken where healing can never cover the physical scars created by being adopted. As adoptees must find their own peace, in their own time outside of the adoption triangle as a solo self motivation. Adoptive parents can't tag along forever, and they can't expect the adult adoptee to keep playing the "adopted child role" forever, as all things have their season. Beyond childhood, the adopted child role is pointless to the adoptee, and only serves to keep the adoptee seen as a child in the adoptive parent's perspective.