The Horrible Consequences "Forced Love" of Adoptive Parents
The chronic theme in adoptive parent blogs, is the adopted child's inability to give and accept love. When a child is taken away from it's natural mother, a trauma results that last forever in the life of the adoptee. The adoptive parent's conditional love is full of intolerance, indifference and the condemnation for not being biologically similar. The adoptive parent's love is painful, comes with punishment and might result in the adopted child's face being slapped. As an adoptee, my own natural impulse is to shutter, be repulsed, to back away and to run away...at the prospect of someone forcefully hugging me, forcing affection on me or wanting to shake my hand. My space is invaded I feel my heart stop, I hold my breath, grit my teeth and resent the whole fake display of this affection forced on me by touching. Usually it is a measure for public consumption of how great the adoptive mother is toward her non-offspring adopted child. The forced acting the adopted child role just to make the adopted mother look good in public for vanity's sake, but the adoptee gets nothing for acting the good adopted child, as it is expected at all times. When affection makes an adopted child shutter, there is a concrete reason why.
Parental love includes genuine expressions of warmth—a smile or friendly look that conveys empathy and good humor; physical affection; respectful, considerate treatment; tenderness; a willingness to be a real person with the child as opposed to acting the role of “mother” or “father"; and a sensitive attunement and responsiveness to the child.Attuned parents have the ability to adjust the intensity and emotional tone of their responses to match their child’s feeling state and needs. During infancy, attuned interactions between a baby and its mother (or primary caregiver) are especially important because they provide the baby with the environment necessary for learning how to regulate emotions and for developing empathy.