The Negative Ruminating Stories By Adoptive Parents
To read adoptive parent's blogs, we see a pattern of their ruminating stories about how bad their adopted child was.
These stories are told over and over by the angry adoptive parent that was monumentally disappointed by their adopted child. The ruminations tell in detail about the lazy, dramatic and selfish adopted child's inability to fit in, to chronically disappoint and continue to inflict harm by their absence.
In my own life, I noticed my immediate adoptive family kept ruminating the same negative stories from my childhood over and over again. How selfish I was, what a problem in school and how my friend annoyed my adoptive mother by baby-talking.
The stories are old and boring as everyone has herd them a thousand times. Yet there was never any stories about me when I became an adult. Year after year during family get together, the same tired stabs at my childhood were told again and again, but nothing from the 21st century.....Why?
I still lived on from childhood through the present, but the only mention of me in family circles was the same old diatribe, that I would be subjected to at the next and the next family get together interaction. It seemed to me that the adoptive family could only see me as a bad child, that caused all these dumb and minor scenarios. The reality was that even though I grew up and was not incarcerated, they still and can only perceive me as being a bad seed outsider.
The tired ruminations about the time that I put the front seat all the way forward in the car, so my brother's girlfriend had no room....type stories are similar to psychological arrest of perception, where the subject is suspended in time as a dependent bad adopted child forever by the family that can only see a person in a certain way.
Because adoptees are not born like biological children, the family that owns them can not perceive them in any other light.
The child that is not born- can never grow up in the caregiver's and family's mind. The young innocence in "adopted child role"
has played out it's purpose and adulthood and aging took it's place.
When only the obvious is present, they choose not to see or look at the wrinkles, grey hair and years that have past sense adopted childhood. They so desperately choose to see the child that was innocent and believed all of the adoption related lies and attempts to fit the adopted child into the box of suspended animation where the child was compliant, self-less and did what the adopted mother said. The stories of the bad adopted child are the remnants of the adopted mother's youth, where she had control and dominated me as one of her many narcissistic objects that she possessed.
The reality is that they needed us to be bad, for their cause of martyr, as no good child would make the mother such a prize winner.