About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Adopted Child Consequences of Emotional Suppression


Adopted Child's Consequences of Emotional Suppression

A the adopted child "object" of a narcissistic adoptive mother, my spontaneous childhood emotions, feelings, needs and words were met with hostility and anger. When I expressed a reaction to parent involved events, parent centered behaviors or mother prompted questions, my natural spontaneous reaction was met with a hostile adoptive mother's wrath....a slap-in-the-face. If I cried I was berated and threatened with more severe punishment than I already received. Always after my adoptive mother lost it in her severe reaction to me, would come the next stage of punishing me for my deviant child behavior. The threats of the adoptive father's temper, when he gets home from work. 

The predictable humiliations of their defiant adopted child would be displayed once again in front of adoptive father and their sons.  Where my terrible behaviors were exaggeratedly acted out by my adoptive mother with amplified shock and blame. 

The worse than being punished was the waiting and anticipation of being humiliated in front of the biological family group. This recurring theme of humiliating the adopted child as an outsider by the cohesive biological group instilled the fact that I was not one of them.

In reality, the spontaneous and honest words a child speaks was created by the environment that the parents provide. Everything I said as a young child was from the exposure that my adoptive mother gave me. The child is a mirror of their environment, obviously my adoptive mother did not like my reflection of her environment. 

I was too young to know about pretending to please the mother. Too young to anticipate her mood swings, and too young to hide the obvious truth for her benefit. My adoptive mother would constantly punish me for my honest truth, the reality of our dysfunctional family, and my poor ability to hide my unacceptable facial expressions. 

The constant torment of my adoptive mother's intolerance, indifference and hostility toward me, I realized that no matter what I said or how my facial expressions looked, I needed to be punished for not pretending good enough to please the adoptive mother.....At some point I shut down, stopped feeling, denied my needs and emotions. Later when put on the spot or asked to speak, my voice would crack in fear of being verbally or physically attacked. I now believed that I was nothing, no-one and worthless without the adoptive mother's domination.

As an adult I have no ability to regulate my emotions, I can't even identify what I am feeling when concentrating on what my real emotions feel like. I know anger, passiveness and non-reaction to the screaming, yelling and conflict that plague my adopted childhood memories.


The Dynamics of Emotional Suppression
Emotional suppression sometimes serves a useful, even essential purpose. When suffering a severe traumatic injury the body automatically passes into the physiological state of shock, blocking all feeling and sensation and numbing consciousness, so that the injured person can better begin recovery. 
Similarly, when children experience physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, they commonly report feeling numb, losing consciousness, and sometimes even leaving their bodies (they may remember objectively observing the event from above). In such cases emotional suppression serves as a mercy, a blessing, and a necessary first step in the healing process.
Even during lesser travails, suppression often seems the best we can do. As children learn early on, no matter how much a parent violates you, to vent your rage will result in more extreme punishment. 
Indeed, expressing anger-energy typically makes matters worse. Grief-stricken as you may feel, crying will not help and will make matters worse -- especially around other people who will not tolerate your tears.
The same goes with fear: showing your fear to others can undermine your ability to lead or interfere with the need for immediate action. Some situations seem to offer no other choice than to suppress a feeling now, such as needing to laugh during a funeral or experiencing sexual arousal at the wrong time or place or around the wrong person.
We suppress emotions as a way to avoid expressing them. All social groups, beginning with the family, develop their own sets of good manners and mores, which govern the acceptable and unacceptable emotional expression. 
A society full of people all spontaneously expressing their emotions threatens unending chaos. In order to form polite, civil, working groups, individuals must somehow control their emotional energies; maturing socially means learning to rein in our natural (but childish) tendency for emotional expression.
Yet while emotional suppression may sometimes serve a useful purpose, inhibiting the free flow of emotional energies over the course of a lifetime causes serious damage to our bodies, minds, and spirits. Our efforts to stifle emotion become a stifling of life itself. Though the symptoms vary, most people die from a slow suicide of self-strangulation. Therefore it behooves us to understand just how badly emotional suppression injures us, even as we find healthier ways to deal with ever-flowing emotional energies.

Emotional suppression causes system wide dysfunction and disease.

When we suppress an emotion, the energy of that emotion does not go away. Instead, it subsides -- it sinks deeper. Rather than resolve the emotional energy through some form of response, we choose (however unconsciously) to hold it inside. Though the immediacy of the feeling may pass, the energy does not. We hold it deep inside and, typically, it stays inside.
Modern physics tells us that mass becomes energy as energy becomes mass. Though emotional energy forms the most subtle stuff, it is stuff nonetheless. If you hold enough of this stuff inside you, then you become energetically "stuffed up," which carries the same implications as a stuffed nose, stuffed colon, stuffed arteries, or even owning too much stuff.
Energy moves within the body in regular currents and beyond the body in radiant fields. As emotional suppression becomes an unconscious habit and emotional energy becomes stuffed inside, the free movement of vital energy gradually degrades. Think of a wide rushing river into which one daily throws several large stones. Over the course of a lifetime the river becomes clogged, diminished, and sluggish. Likewise, over the course of a human lifetime the habitual suppression of emotional energy clogs and diminishes the once-rushing river of light.
As we clog and diminish the flow of emotional energy we block and interfere with the fundamental design and function of the human organism. This causes system wide dysfunction, with most biological processes and organs (including the brain/mind) failing to operate at full efficiency. Life spans shorten and creative potential declines. Sickness, disease, and general unhappiness all take a larger-than-necessary role in the human drama. Our bodies and minds struggle through energy-starved lives, while suppressing great wells of life force within.

Emotional suppression inflicts specific injuries upon the body.

This occurs when, especially as children, we must suppress extremely traumatic emotions. The child who has just suffered a severe violation or who has suddenly learned of a huge loss will experience a great burst of emotional energy in response. If for immediately compelling reasons the child suppresses that emotion, then all of the child's surging energy becomes forcefully jammed somewhere in particular in the body.
The specific location will relate in some way to the specifics of the situation. If the child suffers physical injury, then emotional suppression may occur at the site of the injury. If the child contracts into a grimace or a frown, then emotional energy may lock in the muscles of the face. Anywhere that the child experiences pain or tension during the traumatic event -- clenched fists, upset stomach, spanked bottom, abused genitals -- becomes a likely place to harbor suppressed emotional energies. And unless the child later experiences deep healing, the suppressed energies of a traumatic event remain embodied forever.
When a strong charge of vital energy contracts in the body for a long period of time, the energy eventually becomes matter. The energy literally becomes an unhealthy, pathological mass. Suppressed emotional energy can become tumorous, harden arteries, stiffen joints, weaken bones. Suppressed emotional energy can precipitate the onset of cancer in any system or organ of the body. Suppressed emotional energy can undermine the immune system and make a body vulnerable to innumerable illnesses.
Ironically, what begins as a gift of vital energy and the raw material for empowered response turns into its opposite: the stuff of dysfunction and disease. The choice to contract and suppress traumatic emotional energy plants energy-charged seeds of future pathology. The more urgently a child suppresses a traumatic event, or the more often the child experiences a less traumatic event (such as a specific criticism that a child hears several times a day, every day, over a period of years), the more potentially destructive the specific quantity of suppressed energy.
The typical adult body, as any experienced bodyworker will tell you, comes riddled with the suppressed emotional energies of the past. Bodywork is a growing field of alternative medicine whose modalities include various forms and combinations of movement, sound, breath, and physical manipulation. The latter ranges from the gentle touching to often painful probing of deep tissues. Often the simplest of touches to some innocuous part of the body, when expertly applied, will release a torrent of emotion and long-suppressed memory. The powerful healing that such work can initiate testifies to the destructive effects of long-term emotional suppression.

Emotional suppression renders us less capable and responsible.

Ideally, energy-in-motion empowers us to deal more effectively with the changes and challenges of life. Through the unconscious habit of suppressing emotional energy, however, we misplace the very essence of effective response. The person who habitually suppresses all feelings of fear will stand frozen in the road unable to leap out of the way of approaching traffic. The person who suppresses all feelings of sadness will fail to fully resolve painful losses and may always suffer from low-grade chronic grief. The person who habitually suppresses anger will feel forever cowed and victimized by the inevitable violations of life. The person who suppresses feelings of sexual pleasure will derive little satisfaction from lovemaking and may manifest various forms of sexual aberration.
We need our emotions. They provide us with the vital force to think creatively and act decisively. The more successfully we suppress our emotions, the less successfully we do anything else.

Emotional suppression deforms the body.

Whenever we suppress an emotion we physically contract some part or parts of the body. In time we develop patterns of repeated emotional suppression, which means that specific parts of the body must engage in chronic tension. Such long-term chronic tension eventually alters body form and posture, invariably for the worse.
The "character lines" etched into an older person's face result from years of tensing the face while struggling with emotional energy. A permanently hunched upper back reveals a person who never made peace with burdens and responsibilities, just as a caved-in chest shows us someone overwhelmed with unresolved grief. Years of fearing and resisting sex can tilt the pelvis back and away from other people. Angrily clenching the jaw will eventually grind the enamel off of teeth, just as chronically clenching toes will shorten tendons in the feet, with ramifications throughout the body.
Bodyworkers have cataloged many such examples of emotional suppression leading to misshapen bodies. The tree will grow as we bend the twig. As human bodies grow, incalculable bending comes from the chronic physical contraction of emotional suppression.

Emotional suppression causes system wide fatigue.

Suppressing strong emotion does not occur easily. It requires an act of forceful muscular contraction, stifled breath, and mental denial to engineer the original suppression of an emotion -- the stronger the emotion, the more force required -- and it requires continuing contraction and denial to sustain such suppression. Without the expenditure of great quantities of energy, emotional suppression could not and would not occur. Typically, as a person ages more and more emotional energy becomes suppressed, while more and more vital energy is tied up in sustaining suppression. All of which just plain wears us down.
Emotional suppression undermines the healthy function of body and mind and stuffs inside the rushing energy of effective response. To make matters worse, emotional suppression requires that we permanently commit significant amounts of energy to keeping everything stuffed away, unfelt and unnoticed. This places heavy demands on our daily resources. So much of the chronic fatigue that afflicts people in modern societies stems from this unconscious sustaining of emotional suppression. Though we have access to great wells of vital energy, we can only lose so much to the dynamics of suppression before we become chronically enervated.

Emotional suppression energetically disconnects us from the rest of our world.

The energy fields that surround a healthy human being extend outward to touch and meaningfully connect with other people and the environment. Through these vital energy connections we experience oneness and can communicate with others in the most profound and satisfying ways. Positive emotions, such as love, compassion, empathy, intimacy, and trust, only occur between people who can connect energetically. Telepathy works in the same way; we experience better nonverbal communication with those with whom we have the greatest intimacy simply because we have more energy links through which to transfer information.
The more we expand our energy-selves, the healthier our relationships become. Conversely, the more we suppress our emotions the less we can energy-connect with others and the more difficulty we have with basic human relationship. A tight and chronically suppressed person has contracted his or her energy fields in and away from others and becomes effectively disconnected and less able to relate.
All forms of communication seem difficult for the "energy-disabled." When we have the sense that another person "just doesn't get it," it indicates some degree of energetic contraction and disconnection we have from one another. The most sincere efforts at verbal communication quite literally go nowhere once we have severed our energy links. Even worse, we sever our innate capacities for feeling other people. We cannot experience empathy, compassion, trust, or love without the genuine oneness engendered by vital emotional-energetic connection.
Such disconnection takes an enormous toll. The worst of human behavior occurs between those who become energy-disconnected. All of our violence, wars and oppressions, racism and sexism, and various domination-driven inhumanities -- such foolishness can only be perpetrated by those who have cut themselves off from "the other." We cannot intentionally hurt another person (or animal, plant, or ecosystem) with whom we experience living oneness. To the contrary, before we actively attack or exploit another person or group we must first sever our common links. Before we lash out, we must first suppress, contract, disconnect, and separate.