The First Time I Saw My True Nature
I was the schoolyard idiot, the outcast, and through the constant submission by my adoptive mother I was always afraid of her threats of how I would be punished if I did this or that.
Everywhere and everyone knew the story my humiliation as I was the X-Family's adopted child.
Elementary school was my personal daily horror, always getting there late, being teased for being late everyday and being the last human being to leave the school at night. The bullying was never ending, as I constantly threatened by my adoptive mother for the possibility I might cause. I was not allowed to ever cause a problem beyond the problems that my adoptive mother had to deal with my teachers and her anger at my disappointing elementary school academic career.
In the classroom I was the "stupid kid" that failed every spelling, math and reading test, As my homework was not my adoptive mother's priority after school or any night.
When I began to come home from school complaining that the girls were threatening to beat me up....I was told that I better not cause any problems or it would be "hell to pay". The walk-by-shove, the book-stack toss out of my arms, and the verbal threats of getting my ass kicked by the cool group of four or more in-girls. Friends from early years were now my enemies that teased, taunted and shoved me daily in between classes.
I was more afraid of my adoptive mother's threats and wrath if she was to be called by the school if I was involved in a student altercation. Yet after weeks of being bullied, telling my parents that I was afraid of being beat up and being threatened by my parents not to cause trouble.
Something truly amazing happened to me. Instead of being shoved down to the ground, I was surrounded by a circle of my bullies ready to beat me up.
What seemed like the entire school looked on at me in the center of the group and shouted "Fight"!
I snapped, lost all cognitive control and began to systematically beat each girl in the face, punching them in the stomach after each strike, I struck them again like a machine. I beat up three of the five girls circling me and two ran away. One by one I struck them in the face with the great furry of years from repressed rage. With closed fists I beat the girls to submission, until they fell to the ground sobbing in defeat. The teachers saw the entire ordeal of five on one, they broke up my fight and walked us all up to the principle's office.
This was the first day of my life that "I Began To Live", I was changed by some unseen force that took over my body and administered justice against my tormentors. When my adoptive mother came to pick me up, I was no longer afraid of her. From that moment I knew that I was capable of defending myself, even against her.....The mother that refused to listen to me, refused to protect me, the mother that couldn't be bothered by my very real fears. I was forever changed as my true nature came through for me when I most needed courage, My true self that has been forced down into submission by my adoptive mother that wanted a pretty, well-mannered girly-girl daughter....that I was never and would no longer pretend to be anymore. I became that day the very thing my adoptive mother feared the most....My true nature was seen, observed and suspended from school for it. The day I learned to be myself was the day I stood up for myself and said No More! I was now respected among my peers, school mates and the girls that I beat were now friends. I found courage in who I truly am, I was able to feel self-esteem and self-worth in my life forward.
After that day every time mother struck me in the face, in her mind she would worry that I would hit her back as I proved that I was capable of defending myself. From that day forward as an adoptee I knew a shred of my true self, that my life could be different if I could survive until I turned 18 and escaped my adopted childhood of submission and domination.