"Where Going to Adopt" I Don't Want To Hear
"Were thinking about adopting" people, family and others make these disturbing statements to Adoptees....
Why do people tell me this? Are they intentionally trying to humiliate , embarrass and shame me? Do they have some distorted idea that an adoptee will be happy, supportive or excited for their social ignorance and the ineptitude they display.
Why would any person make such a statement to an adoptee,
Obviously out of complete and utter stupidity or ignorance.
It is like saying you were bought through adoption, and I want a troubled child with a fucked up reality just like you. This discounts everything I have experienced by being abandoned-adopted-abused, adoption traumatized. it means that I have no worth outside of a woman's demand for a baby....I am nothing outside of my disturbed adopted mother's attempts to make herself whole again, regardless of what cruelties that adoption did to me as a human being.
It makes me mad, angry and horrified, I don't want to hear such rubbish directed at me...in a question, an intention without any adoptee related research or homework.
Were going to adopt is a statement of demand for a mother's child by the ignorant. It says that the adopted child's lifelong never-ending trauma is worth it, as long as I get a baby.
This narrative has happened to me twice on at Christmas parties with family....another reason why I hate the holiday.
One Christmas while I was still in "Adoption Fog", adoption denial, about 18 years old. I was having a wonderful time with my family I never used the A word to separate myself out. My brother and his wife made the announcement that after having three biological girls they wanted to adopt a boy,
I was horrified! Then my niece about seven or eight years old kept chasing me around the party saying "You are adopted"!
I abruptly exited the Christmas with my family in horror! This was the first time I felt so unwelcome, so naked and so humiliated in front of the people I knew as my family. I felt it was a personal attack on me and an attack on my connection with my family. No body stopped the child from antagonizing me in front of the group, no person said anything. The irony is that my brother and his wife never did such a stupid thing, my misery and hurt was all for nothing and nobody cared about my feelings or sorrow. After that Christmas Day I was forever changed in my own eyes about my connection to my adoptive family. The honesty of the ignorant disturbs the balance.
Twenty years later at another husband-family event When my special niece (that is well educated) told me this I was horrified. I don't believe she knew I was adopted as she went on like it was a joke in the way child adoption is presented. Do we want a boy, girl, black, white, asian... We just check the box like were ordering what we want. I have enough trouble attending these group activities so when I was hit with this I immediately ducked out and did my disappearing act.
Being out of the "adoption fog" now for 10 years, I knew why I was so extremely repulsed. It is an attack on me, my worth and my defiance of adoption culture status quote. A discount of what a real orphan vs. paper orphan manufactured for adoption, as I was. It is an attack on my right to exist beyond my adoptive mother's demand for someone else's offspring. It is an attack on my right to my own identity, family, ancestry, genetics and culture. I don't want to be adopted, I don't want to fit in, I don't want to be grateful and I am not grateful. I was abused in my adoptive family and It was not "in my best interest".
Adoption ideology is created by Adoption Industry marketing, supply and demand for human cargo outside of the obvious consequences to the separated human child. I am not happy that you are adopting, as You are contributing to the problem and not the solution of keeping mothers with their children. The United States is an evolving disaster of consequences to the poor and disenfranchised, outside of non-biased scientific investigation. We feed on opportunity to fulfill our desires at the cost to others.