Estrangement Is Learned In Childhood From Parents
The word ESTRANGEMENT describes the behavior pattern of a family that excludes an individual from their group.
Estrangement within a normal, cohesive biological family does not exist. Divorce, new marriages, new families are no excuse for gossip, alienation or familial estrangement. Estrangement is a poor choice to manage interpersonal relationships, yet when the individual refuses to take responsibility for their 50% of a relationship that results in problems.
Estrangement Forced On Adopted Children.......
Estrangement is the first thing in the world we learn from birth. That estrangement "horrible feeling" that adopted children are forced to bear with a smile, never goes away and never gets easier. Even after biological reunion in the best case reunion scenario, the life lived as an estranged person is always difficult to exist alone with our thoughts. We are forced away, forced to stay, forced to be and play the "adopted child role" to pacify our handlers. The more time and truthful information that constitutes my own adoption reality, the more difficult it is to live with these terrible choices that others made to abandon us, to adopt us, to raise the adopted child, to control & dominate the adopted child, to isolate, ostracize and manipulate the adopted child as the adoptive family's scapegoat. to throw our adult adopted ass out into the street. To take the adult adoptee back if she plays the "adopted child role" of submission again. As the adopted child is the perpetual master and servant relationship. If there is any deviation from these adoption related unrealistic expectations we label you psychologically problematic, or having a mental disorder with which we drug you into submission and compliance. Or we send you to a mental hospital or kick you out of the family. Then the adoptive parent can say those wonderful chronic, repetitive excuses "we did the best that we could". Although the "best that you could was a lie", If the adoptive parent believes it, it is so.....
When Estrangement Is Necessary.........
The individual that is in denial of obvious facts,
makes excuses and counter arguments to avoid truth. The person in denial suggests that others need counselling, but would never allow themselves to be counselled.
The denier that caused psychological or physical harm to another will refuse to acknowledge that any problem ever existed, as there is no problem now.
...The DENIAL person can not resolve any of their interpersonal conflicts, because the supposed conflict belongs to someone else...not the denier. The denier will go through life and in their death still refuse any responsibility to the victim. Their narcissistic fantasy world is believed by them, as they can never make amends, they could never intentionally hurt others.
Estrangement is exposure to, Observed by children, Taught by parents and is perceived as normal.
Estrangement is taught and learned by children that are exposed to this negative behavior pattern by what their parents allow their child to be exposed and become familiar to. What parent's allow by exposing their young child to an alcoholic relative at a family function, is telling the child that the alcoholic relative and alcoholism is acceptable.
The estrangement of a family member begins with the family's repetitive negative attitudes toward the child or family member that is labeled the "problem". The family frequently gossips about the bad child and contributes to character assassinations
of the outsider child. The entire family participates in the continuous punishing of the child to the point where the child feels chronic anxiety and no self-esteem. The scapegoated child is not mature enough to see beyond the groups hostility, the family's punishing dynamics lead the outsider child to frequently contemplate suicide as a means to escape.
Over time the scapegoated child comes to the clear understanding that their family hates them and can only see them as "bad behavior" and not the human individual that is no longer a child, now an adult.
The family's negative behavior toward one child and not the other children, in similar circumstances the sibling is not punished or their behavior is seen as offensive by the parents. There is a clear line between the way the parents treat the good child verses the the parent's perceptions and reactions to the bad child. What behaviors the parents allow in one child, is not allowed or acceptable behavior in the other child. The freedoms granted to the golden child are freedoms that the scapegoated child does not have or receive. The parents favoritism toward one child and disregard for their other child are obvious within the family dynamics.
History of Parent Interpersonal Relationships....
The parents have a history of these same behavior patterns for favoring and dismissing people outside of the family group. The parents historic patterns of new people coming into the parent's adult relationships and predictably a situation erupts that suddenly ends that new friendship, but the children are not allowed to ask what happened to Charlotte?
History of Parent's Extended Family Relationships....
The pattern of extended family members being in the family and suddenly are out of the family. The multi generational estrangement of family members is not a new situation happening for the first time in the family. Grandparent, wife, uncle, cousin etc...gone without explanation and "not to talk about it" is the family's own history of estranged family members.
the behavior pattern continues and grows into larger situations of multi-generational family dynamics.
People become estranged from others by their own choice, for self preservation, to escape their abusive family dynamics, hostile family situations, dominating and controlling mothers that only see their adult child as incompetent.
Estrangement by force... The abusive parents over time have continuous threatened the child to be kicked out of the family. The threats are nothing new in-fact these threats are predictable and expected.
No normal psychologically healthy parents threaten their offspring with being thrown out of their family.
estrangement is the solution for family's that do not respect each other.
Estranged adult children of Baby-Boomers....
A new emerging demographics, large population of adults that choose no contact with psychologically manipulative, abusive mothers and fathers. The estranged parents troll the forums seeking sympathy from other estranged parents. They refuse any fault in their poor parenting skills and believe that they are
the victims of their adult children.
The baby boomer estranged bloggers participate in the online character assassinations of their adult children. Many estranged writers go on to incriminate themselves by writing too many intimate details
about their selfish educated children that took psychology and cut them out of their life. The angry mother's that blame their ex-husbands for everything
and persist in their dysfunctional thought patterns of victim-hood although they have been divorce twenty years or longer, and never attempted psychological therapy, personal growth or health.
Estranged At Birth From Our Real-Family.......
The adult adoptee was forced into unwanted and permanent estrangement at birth, childhood and throughout life...we still don't want it.
Some estranged adult adoptees stay away for self-preservation, trying desperately to avoid the playing the "adopted child role" and the controlling behaviors of adoptive parents that force psychological arrest upon adoptees. Estranged Adoptees are trying to recover a hint of who we are that is erased every
time we engage with the adoptive parents, where we are reduced to the helpless controlled adopted child role that is who the adoptive parent wants them to be and not who we truly are in reality.
Adoptive Parent's Force Estrangement on Adoptee....
Adult adoptees can never grow up in the eyes of adoptive parents, especially adoptive parent's that thrived on dominating our existence to prevent the possibility of the adopted child's escape. Yet the possibility of the adopted child's escape is an inevitable reality as our driving force in life is to piece our life back together from the point that we were estranged from our family at birth.
The Estranged Blogger's that think the adult child is the problem..... Live your life in freedom, as adult adoptees never had that freedom or privilege.