Adoptee Rage! This blog is written exclusively for the 38% of Abused and Neglected Adopted Children. The U.S. HHSA Identifies #1 Risk: Maltreatment, Child Abuse and Risk for Death In Adopted children. Childhood domination, Coping compensation. Research in Adoption Psychology, Developmental Trauma"The Adoption Paradox". By Rainstorm Red-Smith
About Adoptee Rage
Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
What My Narcissistic Adoptive Mother Gave to Me
ADOPTEE RAGE! What the Adoptive Mother's Narcissism Created In Me ___________________________________________________
You may not think of your narcissistic parent this way, but she’s an abuser. Maybe there was no physical or sexual abuse in your home, but there was plenty of emotional abuse. Research indicates that emotional abuse is as bad, if not worse, than physical and sexual abuse. And you suffered it for 18 years or more.
Examples of emotional abuse include the following:
Ignoring: This is when the parent literally ignores the child. She doesn’t answer his cries. She doesn’t respond to him. And when she calls the child, she may not use his or her name.
Rejecting: The parent literally turns a cold shoulder to her child. She will not respond to any of the child’s needs whether he or she be hurt, hungry, injured, etc. The parent may refuse to touch the child and ridicule him or her while the child is in distress.
Isolating: Here the narcissistic parent cuts the child off from the world. The child is denied contact with friends, family and/or adults. Children may be literally confined to a room or closet.
Verbally Assaulting: The child undergoes a constant barrage of shaming, ridiculing, belittling, and threats.
Terrorizing: The parent creates a climate of fear for the child to live in. She does this by bullying and through threats. The parent may set unbending or unrealistic expectations on the child and threaten to harm the child if he or she doesn’t meet the expectations. Another form is placing something the child loves—pet, sibling, or toy—in a dangerous situation.
But rather than giving us the gift of compassionate and loving parenting, our narcissistic parents gave us scars that no one can see. Instead of the gifts above, our parents handed us:
A lack of confidence
The inability to know what we want
An inability to express our needs
A belief that expressing our needs will lead to rejection
An inability to make a decision on things we figure out we want
An enduring sense of guilt about everything we do
Feeling bad about ourselves
An inability to assert ourselves
An inability to see our own value
A habit of accepting what we don’t want
Being trained to follow others and their wishes
A habit of taking on two much responsibility
A habit of sacrificing for the benefit of others
A belief that we have to present ourselves as inferior and nonthreatening to others
A mindset that allows us to be frequently taken advantage of
A habit of landing in unbalanced relationships where we give more than we receive
Always feeling we are on the verge of “getting in trouble”
A fear that individuals and organizations with power will use it to abuse us
A fear that if we say something we’ll be told we’re wrong
A fear of taking risks
A habit of trying to remain invisible to protect ourselves
Difficulty with self-care
Difficulty with life skills
Feeling that we’re stuck in childhood no matter how old we are