Replicating the Misery of Adopted Childhood In Adulthood
In the adult life of the psychologically abused adopted child, Psychology theory states: that we are unconsciously replacing
our abusive adoptive parent with an equally abusive and similar in their personality flaws in an abusing spouse.
The reason we unconsciously trade one abuser for another is to win over the cruel parent and prove that they love us by installing a substitute. Although the repetitious pattern of our involvement in the abuse cycle always ends in failure.
One Key Difference: I always dreaded, feared and hated my abusive adoptive mother. The overall theme in my abusive adoption relationship that I was always told and believed that
I did not fit in. I Knew deep down inside that I was nothing like these angry people. The way they quickly reacted with anger and raged about anything that occurred, before obtaining any facts on the situation. The way that my adoptive parents treated people one way to their face and how they acted the opposite way in their absence. The obvious fact of the parent's new friends were seen for a short time, then gone forever and we weren't supposed to bring it up the "falling-Out" or why we never saw them again. I knew I was like one of those people that was allowed to stay around as long as they allowed it.
I always knew that I was not like them, the behavior patterns, the repetitive narratives, and this fact was reinforced by my exclusion and isolation from family activities. The obvious scenarios and the players in each play were consistent chaos that had a repeating pattern that still plays on today although I have been replaced many times over. I have never tried to win my angry adoptive mother over as an adult. I seek distance and the isolation from the abuse that still plays out over and over in my head in their absence. I always knew that I had a mother and father of my own, out there, somewhere but one consistent theme in my head is that "mother's are bad" keeps me from needing to connect on a personal level. Keeps me emotionally distant from welcoming vulnerability and new rejections as I am quite comfortable. Safe in my belief that all adoptive mothers are selfish, cruel and dominating to adopted children. One narcissistic adoptive mother is enough to last my lifetime, I certainly do not want a substitute.