How Being Adopted Can Save Your Soul
I was adopted to replace my adoptive mother's grief over her stillborn child. I was a terrible mistake to them, the poor legal "paper" orphan and the adoptive family's outsider. I grew up sleeping in every bar and restaurant in our small town, so alcoholism and drunk driving was normal family life to me as a child. The chaos of my adoptive parent's home was constantly unpredictable if fighting, punching or I'm in trouble because I was in the way and was punished for it.
What I am getting at is that I always knew that these angry, scary, dysfunctional and unpredictable adoptive family was NOT my people. I was NOT like them and my terrible imitation of trying to fit in with them was a complete fraud. The adoptive parents never made the mistake of believing that I was one of them, that Is why they kept me isolated from them, their family activities that I was never allowed to participate in.
My saving grace was each time that my adoptive mother struck me in the face, in her disgust all that I could see was the cruel enemy. Never a maternal kindness, just a forced pacification that was intended to make my adoptive mother not feel so bad, never was the intention for my benefit. As a teenager with a first time growing friendship base, gave me the courage to want to survive my adoptive family. I began to immaturely hatch plans for my escape from the adoptive mother forever.
Although I neither had the tools or the mental capacity to be gone without the help of outsiders, the outsiders took me in.
When I was settled into a new life, a job and my independence
my adoptive mother came to my job to reclaim my soul. Again and again throughout my adult life we played cat and mouse until the time that I decided that I didn't want to play anymore.