Dysfunctional Adoption Dynamics
As an adopted infant, the justification for my existence was to fill the void in my grieving adoptive mother's depression. The simple fact that I failed to supply the fix that my purpose justified, I was rejected as useful to the adoptive parents.
My existence in the adoptive family proved to be a caregiving and psychological burden to the adoptive mother. The problem of having an outsider needy infant that was constantly dirty, soiled and was crying created more family disharmony than already existed.
The only human logic that can justify the tolerance of an outsider is to use them for a purpose to meet one's own needs. To pretend to befriend someone, to tolerate them and keep them at a distance from emotional contagion.
The emotional discounting of the outsider person's value was shared among the family group as the coping strategy that my dysfunctional family used. Everyone has experienced a friend's kid that they just don't like, as this is a universal ambiguity.
The devalued family member is labeled the scapegoat, where all of the family problems is attributed to. The adopted child is conditioned from being seen as suspicious, the trouble maker and the punishments assigned are well deserved. The adopted child is isolated, excluded and treated differently from the family unit, where they do not belong. They are manipulated, lied to and see themselves as a complete failure. The adopted child's self-esteem is a measure of the dysfunctional relationship that reflects how they are treated by the family members.
The adoptive mother tries to claim some social status rewards from her social circles in her toleration of the vilified adopted child. Some adoptive mothers enjoy more sympathy than social status in parenting a bad adopted child. They prefer the martyr status of their loving and eternal giving that is thrown back in their face by selfish children.
As the award winning adoptive mother status only lasts so long and the on-going drama of raising a selfish child keeps growing and changing in the dynamic circumstances and characteristics of each futile situation. That makes for far more interesting story telling and empathy from friends continues on as long as the conflict lasts.
The adopted child that is conditioned with fear early in life is developmentally arrested, their developmental milestones are never mastered and they perform poorly at emotionally self-regulating as adults. These adopted child characteristics make great objects for psychological manipulation, triangulation and
gas-lighting tactics. The adopted child's cognition and experiences of events can't be trusted so their words are ignored.
The adopted child is an invalid human being that no one would take seriously, much less themselves. They have no value in society after their childhood has been used. Their purpose has been served, so all they have left is dependence on their abuser. The adult adopted child continues to supply the narcissistic parent with meeting their emotional needs, constantly making social mistakes that the adoptive parent willingly continues to manage and engage the dysfunctional abuse cycle. The parent continues to receive empathy from friendly gossip while having their narcissistic needs fed by the adult adopted child.