The Adopted Child's Non-existent Boundary
The Individual's Boundaries:
The physical, emotional and childhood boundaries
are personally defined concepts that are distinctive, separate and constitute the individual's unique and difference in their personality.
The individuals truth, reality and their perception in how they view living. Each individual is defined by their emotions, feelings and physical sensations that tell them how they feel living in their body. The individual's feelings reflect how they view the world, how they relate to others and what they like, dislike, fear, enjoy and loathe.
The most important part of the person's boundaries is that they constitute who the "INDIVIDUAL" is like a map of their personality diagrammed through their emotional awareness.
In childhood boundaries for the individual infant, young childhood, older child and teenager change with developmental milestones, age appropriate changes and cognitive growth and mastery. The individual child needs age appropriate freedom to explore and discover their environment without the parent's irrational fears, psychological needs or narcissistic control that destroy the child's normal healthy development.
Inappropriate parental domination will arrest normal development, cognition, psychological growth and retard the most important aspect of child's natural drive in thriving self-identity.
Children begin to assert their own boundaries in infancy and childhood. Throughout childhood it begins simply and become more complex as the child ages.
As the infant begins to push the parent away, refuses their bottle, want to eat by themselves and want privacy in the bathroom. When parents resist the child's need for independence and psychologically immature parents assign meaning beyond these normal stages, they chip away at the child's individual self and growing self-esteem. When parents burden children with age inappropriate concepts or manipulate information to achieve their own needs and desires by the selfish parent, they are destroying the child's psychological freedom to achieve dependence and mental slavery in the form of parental guilt and blackmail. The child becomes the psychological hostage giving the parent the false sense of compliance with scripted dialog that is not genuine or by the child's spontaneous choice but is the product of fear in avoiding the wrath of the parent's anger or punishment.
THE ADOPTED CHILD HOSTAGE
From the adoption beginning, the adopted child is not allowed to have any boundaries due to the adoptive parent's need to maintain control of her narrow, acceptable perception that places her in a specific public view only, that is missing all reality.
The adoptive mother refuses to acknowledge the reality of what she has done to two people (mother and child) to fulfill her own selfish needs.
The normal psychological guilt that the adoptive mother should feel but is refused, discarded and avoided to be replaced by "social appreciation", social acceptance and the social perception of the adoptive mother's "selfless charity"
not feel the adoption related guilt in the reality of what the adoptive mother has intentionally forced on the biological mother: stealing her child; What the adoptive mother has forced on the child: stealing the child from the child's Identity, family & heritage; The truth that the adopted child is providing for the adoptive mother's physical and psychological needs, and not the other way around, as society assumes in all adoption circumstances.
By refusing to see or allow the truth the adoptive mother can live happily in her falsely created reality
world. Even ignoring the reality that the adopted child's responses are scripted and designed by the adoptive mother to please her and are not genuine
or true contribute to her fantasy world. The adopted child is enabling the adoptive mother through force to continue to exist in a false reality.
WHEN BOUNDARIES ARE ESTABLISHED
The adult adopted child begins to see the enabling as a burden to their own truth, they begin to stop. When the adoptee's action of not continuing the adopted child role's by not engaging anymore in the charade
to boast the adoptive mother's bruised ego, it is seen as an attack on her. The adoptive mother reacts to the loss of her compliant adopted child as a war to retrieve the confused child back into her fantasy world.
The adult adoptee begins to set more boundaries in the interactions with the adoptive mother, and each boundary one by one is violated with great purpose to teach the non-compliant child a lesson in respect for your elders, respect for the adoptive mother that saved you from yourself, and you are nothing without the adoptive mother's influence.
The narcissistic hostility grows into an impasse for the adult adoptee as living the lie or living free? The adoptive mother only wants you back as her submissive adopted child or she wants no relationship at all with you! To give up your freedom to exist within the chain bonds of her fantasy. Be her submissive adopted child forever or be gone to the freedom of dignity in knowing who you really are. Some boundaries bring changes people do not want or expect. With boundaries we get pieces of our dignity back, pieces of ourselves and those pieces do come together to form a dignified human identity.