The Adoptee's Inability To Trust
In adulthood the adoptee will develop a small group of persons that they trust at various levels.
The adoptive family and adoption related familiar persons are held in a separate group that is held as a bias as the relational group often brakes the rules of trust, boundary and respect to the adopted child.
The other circle of trust group of persons that the adoptee feel trust, are respected and give respect to and those the adoptee has formed a temporary emotional connection will and do change constantly over the adoptee's lifetime as adoptees rarely can establish, maintain and keep mature long term relationships with adoptive relations, friendships and non-adoptive relatives.
In my troubled adopted child circumstances I believed that I could trust my adoptive parents in spite of repeated childhood neglect, abuse and adoptive family domestic violence in the home. As my parent's relied heavily and their dependence on alcohol to combat all common stress related situations and the daily use of alcohol in relaxation and non-stress activities. As an adopted child I did not know any other way of adult activities other than what I witnessed at home.
As I grew up and was repeatedly kicked out and into the adoptive family, I began to observe the activities of other families and parents of friends that did not rely on alcohol consumption to enhance daily life or to relieve stressful situations. I learned as the perpetual outsider looking in, that other peoples parents that did not consume alcohol rarely had combative situations with their children and teenagers. I observed the way they regarded their biological children as unconditional love, respect and strong positive regard for their child's individuality. In these non alcoholic families I would never witness what is common in my own family, such as "the knock-down drag-out altercations" between these parents and their children as this behavior simply did not exist in the families with parents that did not drink alcohol on a daily basis. They possessed mutual respect for one another, these parents treating their teenagers with dignity, kindness and
emotional support without cost or debt to the child.
The adoptee in many cases is treated like an animal, a replaceable commodity to serve and fulfill the wants, desires and demands of the adoptive parents.
This type of adopted childhood is responsible for the basic trust lacking in abused and neglected adoptees.
Making friends for the adoptee is extremely difficult,
sexual encounters are easier as there is rarely talking and a complete lack of intimacy that makes sex such an easy subject to adoptees.
First of all the adoptee is not worthy of friendships, is isolated and outcast from any form of familiarity. We adoptees don't recognize ourselves in our adoptive families or others as this is a non-existent fact for the adopted outsider. Especially in the fact that our real parents are taboo making our teenage appearance intolerable to our adoptive parents, as we are the epitome of our biological parents in looks, behaviors, personality, mannerisms, hobbies, likes and dislikes
becomes more evident each day as we grow up.
Adoptees are conditioned by our adoptive parents to experience a lack of self esteem, lacking self-worth, not being worthy of friendships and a lessor social class by the negative identification label of being an "adopted child" means not wanted, abandoned, given away, orphaned and thrown away.
When adopted children are conditioned and experience these extreme labels that exist only to benefit the adoptive parent's guilt, shame and selfishness in taking the child away from it's biological mother. Although the adoptive parent's self centered adoption entitlement of deserving the adopted child more than the adopted child's mother that is socially labelled: Immoral, poor, young and socially un except-able to be a "fit" mother of her own biological child. These socially mandated brainwashing techniques by social workers to steal the newborn children from vulnerable mothers at birth. Which causes the primal wounding of the newborn child, who can't attach to the substitute mother due to the bond with the biological mother.
Adopted children can never heal from the psychological wound that is intentionally forced on newborn children because of the price and financial worth at the adoption market. Adoptees will develop short term acquaintances that are mistaken for friendships that will never last long and this common and predictable dance from the adopted child's inability to trust or form lasting relationships with others.
Adopted children can be easily picked out on the playground, they are the "watchers". The children that can't relate to other children, children that do not know how to play with other children, adopted children are emotionally and physically isolated from inclusion. The adopted children are the common outcasts from child groups and the subject of verbal teasing, subjected to physical and verbal threats of violence by other children as adopted children are the most obvious targets in the schoolyard by their lack of self esteem, inability to form relationships and lacking ability to thrive in the school's learning environments.