Category: Adoptee Reunions
Adoptee's Piecing Together the Puzzles of Their Lives
Through Biological Relatives
One mistake and misconception adoptees commonly make, is that they rely solely on their biological mothers recounting of her life story.
The adoptee's real mother is but a single piece of an enormous puzzle, that includes the real father, aunts, uncles, grandparents and siblings of both the maternal and paternal sides of each family. The old phrase about putting all your eggs in one basket applies especially here in adoption's Bermuda triangle where newborns, babies and children disappear without a trace.
The experience as an adoptee in my attempt at debriefing members of my biological family to uncover the truth that they have been hiding from for most of their adult lives, takes great patients on the adoptee's part and years in recreating an accurate account of what went down.
Cognitive Dissonance theory is an excellent place to start learning your textbook psychological education, as this theory explains the psychological behavior, defense mechanisms and the personal compensating that takes place in the birth parent psychology.
When the adoptee attempts to uncover the truth of their beginnings, the witnesses are considered reliably unreliable, and it takes many connected family member's memories of that time to construct the rough outline for the story of the adopted child.
It has been my experience that my parents exaggerate, concoct and lie about vital facts to make themselves look so much better than they really are.
Yet to the adult adopted child it is "more lies" as the adopted child has been inoculated with lies their entire life and has no patients, only contempt for liars. We adoptees will catch the witnesses in too many lies, and some will give up as it feels as though we are talking to a three year old. The lies when uncovered by third party witnesses may seem monumental and are to the adoptee intolerance for liars....But we must be patient in our quest to get down through the fluff to the actual boring truth in life.
My mother's lies were equal or worse to my father's lies and it took the entire family to get to the truth in about four years...
Excellent article regarding non-reliable witness's.....