The Past For Adoptee's Lives Forever In The Present,
To Those That Try To Deny Yesterday Existed
The Past that Is Never Emotionally Processed, Digested and Recognized, Remains Our Private Ticking Time Bomb That Lies Within Us That Will Eventually Destroys Us.
Any aspect about yesterday weather we were the instigator, the victim or the ignorant child going along with the lies and secrets that our parents created seem to always come to some terrible head of injustice that was supposedly for our own good.
The pretense of omission, As in my perpetration of failing to mention the truth for twenty or so years becomes the constant burden to be carried by the silence of my failure to speak the truth.
In the injustice of this burden, to protect the young from the unpleasant facts that surround their history,
These secrets carried by the protecting parent is not their secret to keep. Keeping the disturbing facts away from the innocent child is never the parent's secrets to be kept. Secrets are the reality of a child's birthright, weather simple, complex or clocked in the darkness of child abuse and parent abuse are truths to be raised to the higher forgiveness of your god.
No matter how long we keep up the charade the ones who loose are the children we keep in the dark from their own history. The children loose time, they loose biological family members and they loose the respect for those parents who attempt to shelter their child from the ugly facts attached to the circumstances of their beginnings. Our place as parents is not to shelter a child from their own history but to accept that history as fact. As even the most mentally crippling past is not the parent's job to keep it from our child. As these same ugly truths do not belong to the parent, but to the child and their legacy as the person of their birthright, their identity and the facts make the child establish their own personal identity that belongs to the child alone.
Parents have no right to gauge what is or is not good or bad, pleasant, unpleasant facts and acceptable or not, knowledge to be passed along, for any and all knowledge about a child's beginning is that child's birthright.
The action of a parent is in truth a result of a scorn, a betrayal of a partner that makes us act in ways that are dishonorable, shady and not in the eyes of the truth that god can see in our heart as a parent.
Parents do things to punish the other parents to get even and to survive situations that seem to have no end in sight. We run away, we get restraining orders and we hide for years....twenty years I hid from the truth of my own child's origins as it was too painful to face my failure as a partner, or wife. Yet it is always the children that suffer from the parent's actions or in actions at making life better, safe or livable.
The longer a parent perpetuates the secrets, the longer will the child's lack of trust go on. The child's anger will build until a time comes where the child that you risked everything to protect, deserves more than we can provide. No child is the sole property of a parent, as a child belongs to their entire genetic tribes and biological kin network. As parents we must strive to see our innocent children as individuals that deserve a life without their parent's deception. As the parent is supposed to do everything in their power to make the child's life lived to the fullest. We as parents have no right to keep them to ourselves, cutting off those whom we see as inferior, trouble makers and problematic people, For it is not our judgement to make.