Adoptive Father Resents The Adult Adoptee's Relationship With Biological Father
The story below is a common theme of adoptive parent's ownership stand, especially as adoptees are adults and no longer under age adopted children. The adoptive parent's furious anger, jealousy, forcing their demands of compliance upon our adopted child flaws of lack of self esteem, timidness and confusion.
Forcing their ways, wants, and demands as if we are still small dependent children that are threatened with punishment if we don't do exactly what they say! Never once do the adoptive parents see us adoptees as individuals capable of making adult, personal decisions that affect our lives. Never do they consider what we are feeling, thinking or hoping for.
Adoptive parents are forcing the adopted child & adult adoptee to choose "My way or the highway" of which all of us adoptee's are stubborn & sick and tired of people telling us how to live, who we can love and are sick to death of all of the ultimatums that are forced on us! The dangling carrots, the implied but never stated words of condemnation of our fate if we were to act as if we value ourselves first. The threatening tones and fear that they provoke in us, when they act as if we owe them something for being saved by them. Well we adoptees never asked to be saved, we never asked to be adopted, and if we had a choice, adoptee's would choose NOT to be adopted.
Not to loose our biological families, our biological culture and our genetic ancestry. No body ever expects biologically raised children to be grateful for being born, nor are they indebted to their adoptive parents for being raised by their parents. A child owes his parents nothing for being born and raised, neither is the adopted child indebted to the adoptive parent for being adopted, that is the psychological blackmail that is used to manipulate a child against his nature. Raising children is our privilege biological or adopted, they are temporarily in our care to receive the tools needed to be independent from their parents....That is a healthy parent relationship.
Adoption reunions have nothing to do with the adoptive parents. Child adoption reunion is a solo affair for the adoptee to reunite with their own biological family, the adoptive parents should learn and practice their own boundaries. Once we are adults, all adoptee decisions are for the adoptee to make alone without adoptive family input, as it is none of the adoptive parent's business, and should never be a consideration as this is what unconditional love is all about. Loving someone regardless of circumstances, changes, new and old relationships belong to the adoptee as an individual......
Hopefully enough time will pass so everyone can see the foundation she was given in your home. It’s hard to know where this will go. Keep facing her by reaching out in appropriate ways to her and her birth family. Your consistency and stability will make it easier for her to find you when she’s ready to reconnect with you.