Adoptee's Subconscious Habit Holding Their Breath
The Psychology of Breathing and Psychological Control
I am and live the forever adopted child mentally, stuck between my adopted childhood abuse and the fear that continues to control my every thought, from those eighteen years of being treated like an intruder, an outcast and the impostor of the dead child that my adoptive family forced me to try to replace.
The childhood brain within me will always remember being unwanted, unloved, resented and tolerated until the point where the family nolonger put fourth such efforts to fake it.
Then I became the great disappointment in the adopted child, that the adoptive family suffered from but they were forced to tolerate my presence in the best way that they could.
The unnatural child the adoptive family was forced to be responsible for after the angelic appearance of a baby disappeared. The dreaded sight of the child that did not fit into the genetic tribe's appearance or shared attributes, behaviors, mannerisms and attitudes.
The odd one out is the child at a disadvantage to the biologically connected group that detests their very presence. The tolerance of an annoying outsider grows thin over time, and morphs into the family's convenient scapegoat, the alien adoptee becomes the receptacle for all of a family's blame, shame, hostility, hatred and violence.
The adopted child knows nothing but how others treat them, which as in my case is seen as the normal family that hates their black-sheep, but they can't kill it or they risk social punishment and so they live with indifference, detachment and intolerance until the duration of their adoption contract is fulfilled, so they can wash their hands of the bad adoption mistake that threatened their family's sanity and unity.
I learned deal with being an unwanted adopted child by my silent, quiet existence by not annoying others, staying in my room, being "unseen and unheard" and trying to please everyone, so I would not be sent back to be exchanged for a better adopted child that would better appreciate my adoptive family, their fancy home and my toys.....As the recurring threat goes that I would be returned to the adoption agency that sold me in the first place.
It has been proven that the adopted child that "acts out" is more psychologically healthy,
than the agreeable, adapting and pleasantly silent adopted child that is scientifically proven unhealthy.
The Psychology of Breathing and Control