The Emotional Processing of Adoption Pretense
The adopted child is born, separated from their biological family, community and culture which causes many psychological compensations and adaptions to a foreign culture and a stranger's family
of which we are forced to act like them, which is not natural and not in the adopted child's true nature to pretend to be someone that they are not.
But adoption is an unnatural and legally forced relationship where the adopted child has no choice
but to comply with the demands made upon him.
The adopted child is expected to play the adopted child role for the entertainment, social norms and to fulfill the desires of the adoptive parent's parenting and adopted child expectations.
The childhood of an adopted child is literally sold to the adoptive parents not to support the adopted child's needs and prepare the adopted child for college.
The adopted child is used to fulfill the needs of the adoptive mother's need to parent a child, the adoptive mother's deficit in bearing children, and to fulfill the voids and psychological needs in the lives of the adopting parents throughout their lives.
Most adopted children emerge from the adoption fog
and see the denial they have lived for too long and realize that almost everything in their life is based on adoption related secrets, lies and misconceptions.
The brave adoptees that confront the truths of their lives feel that their whole life existence has been a lie.
The adoptive mother that has denied the adopted child of their biological reality will prefer to live in the adoption fantasy world that she has created and will refuse to allow the adult adopted child to seek the answers of their biological origins out of fear that the knowledge will ruin the adoption fantasy world....and it will.
The adult adopted child that seeks to heal their own psychological wounds through biological search, knowledge, reunion, relationships and truth.
The adult adoptee seeks to live in truth, having lived imprisoned in the darkness of forced child adoption ignorance at the hands of the cruel and dominating adoptive mother, as she will not allow a middle ground or meeting half way.
The dominating adoptive mother must have the world on her own terms or none at all. The adoptive mother's refusal to allow the post reunion adoptee armed with the biological knowledge that enlightens the adoptee's wellbeing.
The adoptive mother's terms of the adoptive relationship with the adult adoptee were broken by the adoptee's search and reunion that the adoptive mother refuses to accept change, refuses to accept the adoptee that now knows their own identity and truth.
The adoptive mother is no longer the "savior" of the adopted child, no longer in control of the adopted child and can not dominate the adult adoptee the way that she could in the past so the adoptive mother chooses to have no contact. The adoptive mother refuses to share the adopted child with their biological family, plus the fact that the adult adoptee has changed psychologically.
The adoptee is pulled in all directions where guilt and shame are fighting in opposing corners. Two scorned mothers who hate the very thought of each other would rather have no contact with the adoptee at all than to be shared. The self serving greed and selfishness becomes over represented in both of the self centered mothers.
The biological mother expects the rainbow-unicorn adoption story book tale of a happy ending from her own suffering of giving up her newborn child. The dark and ugly truth of what really happened to her baby when she trusted the adoption industry to supply a better life for her child.
The reality that her biological child was abused by adoption, was ignored by the adoptive parents, punished frequently, beaten, hated and shamed by the adoptive family make the biological mother feel guilty, feel awful and psychologically responsible for not keeping her own child. When the mother allows the child to be adopted the lies and scams played on the biological mother is her worst nightmare. How her child suffered at the hands of the people that were supposed to care and protect her child, as they preferred to punish the child instead of love her.
As the biological mother can't logically accept the facts that the adopted child was so badly abused by her adoptive mother, father and siblings throughout her childhood, the truth that renders the biological mother in despair, ambiguous and indifferent to her biological child's suffering, the biological mother doesn't want to be reminded of the worst decision she ever made in her life.
The mother's bad decision that ruined a perfectly good child's potential and chances at a good life. The biological mother doesn't want to be reminded of the child she gave away to be abused and tormented by the adopting parents....That was not my fault she tells herself often trying to make herself believe it.
Yet this biological mother was selfish too, she wouldn't allow the man that got her pregnant to benefit by his child in any way.
The fact that his mother wanted to raise her grandchild in the biological family where the adopted child belonged
was not going to happen when a woman is scorned by her lover, she will always make him pay emotionally, by never knowing his own biological child.
The biological mother denies the baby's father of his offspring, she would prefer to have an abortion before she would let the man that chose another woman over her to have his own child. That which in the best interests of a child will never be considered when pride is at stake.