About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Intrusive Adoptive Mothers


The Intrusive Adoptive Mother

Not only can an intrusive mom be a pain, but also she breeds ill will and harmful qualities in her daughters. Intrusive adoptive mothers:
  • Habitually give unsolicited advice.
  • Have no respect for their adopted child's privacy and barge into her room or go through cabinets in her home.
  • Show unwanted concern in their adopted child's weight and appearance.
  • Ask too many personal questions that are used for gossip about the adopted child.
  • Forcefully influence the adopted child's personal decisions.

A Bird's-Eye-View of the Cycle of Intrusion

So what's so bad about these moms you may ask? Nothing if you are strong enough not to pay attention or be affected by their intrusiveness. However, that is not always easily accomplished. Rose R. Oliver, Ph.D., professor of psychology and women and gender studies at Amherst College, describes a cycle that is put into motion by the intrusive mom. This diagram shows how it goes.

The Effects of Intrusive Adoptive Mothering

One only need look at the general traits associated with adopted children who have been raised by intrusive adoptive mothers to understand the damage.  Adopted children who have lived with intrusive adoptive mothers often tend to…
  • Regularly defer their own interests to those of others.
  • Experience feelings of vulnerability.
  • Rely on the judgments of others rather than their own.
  • Be uneasy with disagreement.
  • Require the opinions of others to formulate their own ideas.
  • Need approval to feel secure.
  • Feel as if they are always being judged.
It is clear from this list of traits how intrusive adoptive mothers rob their adopted children of their autonomy. Without autonomy, the mother-child relationship is based in fear, fight or flight stress response.