Why Adoptive Parents Are So Happy About Adoption?
As an adoptee, I can tell you that I only feel shame, embarrassment and humiliation about being outed as an adopted child.
Why must adoptive parents tell everyone in their community, town or church that they adopted a child? Why can't adoptive parents just do what they must in private? Adopted children don't want people to know this horrific secret that isolates them from the world and sets them apart and always alone.
I really do not understand the giving up of the secrets, as an adopted child I would rather live this secrecy and be considered normal among my peers and friends. It is not the peers and friends that amplify adoption stigma, it is the adoptive parent more specifically the adoptive mother and her consistent talking about adoption, talking with her friends and others about her adopted child in ear shot of the adopted child that hurts the most. When mothers get together and talk about their children, there is always a child listening on either end. Then the child that overhears the mothers gossiping about the adopted child receive their ammunition to taunt, humiliate and embarrass the odd adopted child.
Adoptive mothers and normal mothers have a gossip problem when it comes to their children. The mothers can never seem to focus on their own selves, and must play the "my child is the best" game or the "my child is the worst" game. Most mothers have absolutely no life or choose to have no life instead forcing themselves in their children's individual and personal lives, where no mothers belong in the first place. As they did belong there in the first six years of life as the normal psychological development of a child detaches from the mother, and gives the mother back her psychological freedom at that time to pursuit her own activities, enhancements and choices. There are too many mothers that can not allow their child's independence, as I have seen mothers snooping in their children's rooms, reading their diaries, reading text messages and viewing internet face pages of their children and their kid's friends pages....disturbing! I have never read my two daughter's internet profiles and would never consider it! As this type of smother-mother snooping is a direct assault to the parent-child trust and privacy relationship. Why would any mother want to read what children write in confidence to their friends, to a boyfriend that information is not meant for a snooping mother's eyes. The reality is that for any child, they behave a certain way around parents and a more natural way around friends. The snooping mother betrays her child by not living her own life, and forcing herself inside the place where she is not welcome, her child's private life.....is not for needy mothers.
The adoptive mother is the "Neediest" of all mothers. She has a chip on her shoulder from infertility, or the loss of a child that forced her into Pandora's box of child adoption. She is the adoptive mother that would rather have you killed than to live out your life in peace and harmony without her. She is spiteful, arrogant and dominating, keeping her adopted child pet on a short leash. Not allowing the adopted child to explore his own world, because he might get dirty, he might get educated and he might leave her and never look back. Which is the most common ending to the adoption paradox from dominating adoptive mothers, that will not let you grow up psychologically she keeps you as a child forever as you were never born, you shall never grow up in her twisted narcissistic mind.
Can it be that in the adoptive mother's ignorant small mindedness, being an adoptive "savior", saving an adopted child from his own life, be the greatest publicly acceptable accomplishment she will ever
engage in? The adoptive mother gets such favorable results by talking publicly about her child adoption experience, like a drug of social recognition where she is elevated in some manner beyond normal human child raising, that involves self-satisfaction.
But the adoptive mother becomes intoxicated by her fans on the sidelines cheering her on for her performance in raising an adopted child through 18 years of age. Normal biological parents raising their offspring to age 18, receive no such exaltation or public recognition. Why then do adoptive parent's receive such praise for adopting, when they were in reality seeking to satisfy their selfish desires by taking a child away from it's own mother, to raise the adopted child that had no choice in the matter, as the adoptive mothers demands an adopted child like demanding a new hybrid pet.
The adopted child receives no such public award as the adoptive mother's awards and public recognition for adopting. The adopted child's relationship is forced and expected without any consideration by the adopted child. After the adoption is said and done the adoptee is expected to remain silent and grateful. To honor the forced contract relationship of adoption of which he had no choice or say in the matter. The words, opinions and world view of adoptees are invalidated if they do not reflect "honor thy mother".
How can an adoptee honor their mother when the adopted child was used, abused and neglected by the adoptive parent's selfish and dominating behavior?
How can the adoptee emerge from adopted life where he is rendered second class, second to biological children and considered angry, defective and invalid in as their opinions, As they do not match the award winning adoptive mother's opinions that raised him?
The philosophy of a glorious opinion from an adoptive mother Vs, the adopted child's negative opinion that shared the adoptive home, yet have vastly different accounts of what went on during the adopted child's childhood.....the adoptive parent's opinion always seems to trump the adopted child experience of living life as an adopted child. The adoptive mother's story of wonder, adoptive family cohesion and discovery during the adopted child's childhood is the version that is acceptable. Not the adopted child's memories of verbal, physical and sexual abuse throughout childhood that rendered him psychologically broken as an adult. Why do we as a society continue to doubt the person that survived such horrible adoption related circumstances, and praise the adoptive mother's version of happily ever after?