The Forever Family Fallacy
The Greatest Lie & Child Selling Advertisement by the Adoption Industry.....The Forever Family.
While lying to children is common among adoptive parents in the U.S. adoption culture, it is not right or moral in any culture.
Children in their innocent state of childhood will believe the lies that they are told, and when logic catches up during cognitive growth and cognitive understanding in adolescence, the child that believed the lies will only feel betrayed by those he trusted, his adoptive parents.
Too many people including adoptive parents with good intentions buy into the adoption industry's best,
worst moral assumption,most provocative advertising campaign: "The Forever Family" ......
Is bought into by sympathetic people that believe they are doing a noble charitable act of bringing an unwanted orphan into their home. Yet doing your country a service, contributing to a charity fund and buying a child to change and erase his identity are two different things. When the weight of reality becomes a burden and these adoptive parents begin to question the child's mental ability as the primary scapegoat, the reason that the child is not rainbows and unicorns as the adoption literature promised. The attachment does not to feel quite right, does not feel normal as parents experience the factual cohesion as having your own biological offspring feels easy, normal and natural.
Child adoption is not normal, is not natural and is not like bearing your own child offspring. There can never be a comparison between reproducing a family blood line through pregnancy and birth. Child adoption is all together a different planet, a different type of human child adoption psychology and a different type of relationship adoptive parent to adopted child. The relationship between the adoptive parent that are complete strangers to the even stranger, estranged from their biological family, the unrelated adopted child.
What is unique is the way adoptive parent's deny the adoption truth and pretend in a way that creates the infantile actions from these adult adoptive parents that insist and deny the real and obvious circumstances that are seen by the outside world and strictly denied by the adoptive parent. It is as if the adoptive parent's denial becomes a ritual to assist them in going along with the fantasy that they refuse to become a reality. The adoptive parent's fantasy that the adopted child is not a replacement for the child they lost or failed to conceive as admitting the truth would destroy the present dance of adoption denial. If the adoptive parent's fantasy were purposely revealed the relationship would abruptly end in reality. The innocent adopted child is trusting and believing in the adoptive parent's fantasy, that is why the adoption fantasy is allowed to continue throughout the adopted child's childhood. The ending is a predictable time in adolescence where the adopted child begins to understand the truth of being adopted and how understanding this information changes his world. The adopted child's innocence and naive childhood persona is the golden time in adopted childhood where the adopted child has no understanding, only trust and love for his parents.
When the golden age of adopted childhood ends by the adopted child's intellectual growth, logic and reality become the driving mental force, the adopted child now adolescent, begins to process the first thirteen years of his life and try to make some sense of what has been done to him and how he feels about what has been done to him, and how he will react to the adoptive parent, that has not had a cognitive awakening as the adopted child has. To the adoptive parent things were fine yesterday, now the adopted child is different. The selfish adoptive parent believes that everything the child does is a rebellion against the adoptive parent, not the reality of growing up and distancing themselves from the childhood closeness that once existed. The normal developmental phase of adolescence biological children are expected to reach the adolescent phase of distance, yet for adopted children that are not born, they are not allowed to reach developmental milestones as the biological children do without protesting parents. The adoptive parent now sends the adopted child to therapy with the expectation of compliance. In reality the "therapy" is not a place where we get back to where we were, therapy is serious commitment to psychological changes, never a reverting back to infantile compliance, as the adoptive parent expects the psychotherapy to produce the passive pre adolescent compliant child.
The therapist will usually not be aware of adoption psychology, and dismiss the fact that the adoption has a direct and serious impact on the psychology of the adopted child, As well as the adoptive parents will remain completely ignorant of adoption's developmental and psychological impact to the adopted child. The adopted child/ adolescent can see that resisting is harder than going along with the adoption game, so the adoptee denies himself again and again in order to keep the peace, the funding or what ever slice of psychological comfort he can salvage to go on living as if nothing has happened.
The only true and real "Forever Family" is a biological ancestral line of descendants throughout many generations of births and deaths from a single families bloodline.
The only true recognizable family for an adopted child will be his own offspring. In regard to adoption search and reunion, some mending of fences will take place but the adopted child has no connection to the planet, it's people, society or community. The only real connection an adoptee can ever hope to know will be revealed when they bear their own family, their own flesh and blood will be the only connection that an adoptee can truely feel and see in his lifetime.