Adoptee Rage! This blog is written exclusively for the 38% of Abused and Neglected Adopted Children. The U.S. HHSA Identifies #1 Risk: Maltreatment, Child Abuse and Risk for Death In Adopted children. Childhood domination, Coping compensation. Research in Adoption Psychology, Developmental Trauma"The Adoption Paradox". By Rainstorm Red-Smith
About Adoptee Rage
Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Consequences of Abandoned and Neglected Adopted Children
The consequences of child's neglect and abandonment are huge and unimaginable. It has created emotionally starved children in America who are confused and unstable, and will suffer lasting psychological effects. Child neglect or abandonment is a crisis in our society.
Creating emotionally starved children:
When a child spends many hours outside his or her home, when he comes back from school, he wants to share his or her experience at school with someone- at least with parents; whether it is good or bad. Children want to relate what happened to parents or someone. Often times, there is nobody at home to share their experience at school with. When a toddler stays with a nanny a whole day, when his or her parents are back, the toddler is joyful, but most of the time, parents are not home when the child is getting ready for bed. I have worked for parents whose children are still in bed when they leave for work, and children asleep when they come back from work. This creates emotional void in children. By the time these children are teenagers, parents become strangers to them, and bitterly realize they don't understand their children. The simple reason: parents were never there when the children needed them.
This is why we have so much violence and crime in our children. Nobody is teaching and nurturing them: at least, not parents but strangers whom you don't know what they are doing with your child when you are not there.
Bonding with Daycare Centers and nannies, not parents:
Bonding is so crucial in raising a child. I discussed that in my blog: Take Time to Raise Your Child. Children are getting bonded with nannies and Daycare Centers raising them. Tell me who a child would like to see the following morning? The nanny or person in the Daycare Center who cared for him or her all day long, or the one who claims to be parents who return very late and tell the child how much they love him or her. Love is practical and not empty words. Children are vitally sensitive to affection and love.
How many abductions have been the result of the internet? Porn activities with children in the internet-we just saw internet child predators that rocked Britain and some famous people involved. Runaway children and sexual abusers are increasing daily; not only do they molest the children, they also kill them. This is happening because children are lonely and they wonder into the clutches of child predators. Children are lonely without their parents. When you are emotionally starved as a toddler, you will not be able to adjust later in life. These children will never understand what bonding is, let alone bequeath it to others. You can only give what you have or possess.
Psychological damage in lack of nurturing in a child:
When there is no principles and values, and parents did not have time to teach and nurture their children because they had to work- they needed the money and there is no nurturing in early child development, psychological impairment occurs. For many parents, their children don't listen to them; they have no control over them. This is because the child was never taught or guided or directed; and they entrusted their children to strangers whom they did not know what they were doing with their children. As we interviewed for nanny positions, parents will tell you the child doesn't listen to them, If they cannot listen to you as a parent, what makes you think they will listen to a stranger they don't know? The first five years is when you inculcate everything you want the child to know and grow wisely, but you are not there. How can your child respect the nanny who stands in place of his or her parents, or the Daycare Centers that structure their lives in the way they want?
When children are neglected or abandoned, television becomes their own schedules and agendas, the internet attracts their curiosity, and gang activities dominate their interest because they are bored, their minds are extremely active and must be stimulated intellectually, mentally, and otherwise. They are very young and their minds still developing. It must be filled with something when parents have failed.
Untrained children are America's greatest problem: children who don't understand respect, discipline, an act that enables children to grow properly; children who disrespects their parents, and talk to them as they please. Do you blame these children? They are children denied the opportunity to learn.. All your effort to give them your best is taken for granted and no appreciation of your effort expressed. And when you grow old, they will abandon you because you never had time to teach them appreciation and gratitude.
Emotional emptiness is a tragedy and leads to suicidal tendencies, which invokes a hopeless state of mind: and breeds on grounds of loneliness and a feeling of been unloved, abused and neglected. Teen suicide is one of the leading cause of death in the United States. Teen suicide has increased 6.3 in 2009 to 7.8 % in 2011- (New York Times). Four thousand and six hundred teen die every year on suicide. Many teens are abused sexually and other wise, abducted, killed and neglected; many from troubled homes and in gangs feeling unloved by parents. A feeling of been loved creates a state of joy and gladness, and those children will feel on top of the world, and a desire to conquer the world-just because they feel loved by their parents who encouraged them to be their best. I can always remember my father telling his children they will go all over the world, and they must be well educated to any level they wanted. Though he died a tragic death, my Uncle kept his vision so that we become educated to any level we desired. In his diary picked up when he died, he wrote for me: I will travel all over the world; I was going to be well read. I was only five when he died, but I can remember these things. He stirred and encouraged his children towards education, and to be well read. He and my mother spent quality time to do that, teaching and nurturing us. Like I said, although he did not live to realize his dreams, my Uncle captured his dreams and did the same thing my father planned for us-he carried out the legacy of teaching and nurturing at home for the child to be their best.
But a look at the nations children shows these children are emotionally disturbed and starved of affection and love. There is no parent at home when they are back from school; nobody nurturing them; and whispering caring and loving words; guiding , disciplining them, helping intellectually and academically: neither is there anything guiding them morally at school. In a nation where prayer has been taken away from school, and anything God provokes some people in a profound way.
The dictionary describes emotion as a feeling, sentiment, sensation, passion. The way we feel springs from a psychological state of our minds. Its root sprouts from what goes on inside us. It emanates in various forms: a feeling of confusion, hate, tranquility or joy, etc. But the feeling that dominates our children are of hate, exhibited in violence of various forms: wild songs, criminal behavior, drunkeness at home and school, etc. Nobody wonders the root cause of these things. Everyone blames the children. But the fact remains American children are bitter and angry. What is the cause of these problems? It is simply because of parental neglect and abandonment. Nobody is teaching and nurturing these children; not parents who should let them know they are loved. For the children, your being there when they need you – your presence is the greatest thing for them. But as parents, you argue you need the money to raise them. You must make tough choices-stay home a little bit and salvage your child in these turbulent times, or go after money all the way and abandon your children-consequences huge and disastrous
Do you ever wonder how these children will lead the next generation? Your parental neglect, abuse and abandonment is causing a leadership gap. When parents fail to create the time to raise their children, but relegate their responsibilities to nannies and Daycare centers, they forfeit their stature as parents. Then they create humans whose stability dwindles as the years go by. Emotional emptiness has a life long psychological effect. It finally leads to destructive tendencies and inclinations; and few moral, cultural values and principles to hand over to the next generation. This leads to the collapse of a nation. Spend quality time to raise your child. “Nwa ka ego” as the Ibo culture in Nigeria says in proverbs.: "a child is greater than money." The consequences of child abandonment and neglect are huge and has psychological life time effect.