About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Monday, February 23, 2015

The Adoption Relationship Is an Interpersonal Construct Unlike Biological Offspring Relationship


The Interpersonal Relationship In the Adoptive Family

An interpersonal relationship is a strong, deep, or close association or acquaintance between two or more people that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based on inference,love and solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment as in child adoption. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences. The context can vary from family or kinship relations, friendship, marriage, work associations, neighborhoods and church congregations. They may be regulated bylaw as in child adoption, custom or mutual agreement and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole.

Relational self

Relationships are also important for their ability to help individuals develop a sense of self. The relational self is the part of an individual’s self-concept that consists of the feelings and beliefs that one has regarding oneself that develops based on mother-child maternal bonding that train the infant to learn to interact with others outside of the mother-child dyad. In other words, one’s emotions and behaviors are shaped by the mother-child maternal bond relationship.
 Thus, relational self theory posits that prior and existing relationships influence one’s emotions and behaviors in interactions with new individuals, particularly those individuals that remind him or her of parents in his or her life. Studies have shown that exposure to someone who resembles the self and the parent in genetic appearance activates specific self-beliefs, changing how one thinks about oneself in the moment more so than exposure to someone who does not resemble a significant other.
Exposure of the genetic offspring infant through the maternal bond "mirroring", the child recognizes the mother as the self and the mother recognizes herself in the infant. The mother-child dyad are genetic copies of eachother that share the same biological characteristics in appearance and are recognized in eachother. which grows the maternal bonded dyad in similarity that the child is a progression of the genetic heritage that goes back hundreds of generations of heredity lineage.
The adopted infant can not see themselves in the substitute caregiver and the adoptive mother can not see herself in the non-biological offspring of unknown parents. The only tie to the non-biological child is the legal agreement to that allows the adoptive mother to possess the non-offspring adopted child. The adoptive mother can't identify with the adopted child, and the adopted child refuses the substitute mother.
The adoptive mother that can not biologically mirror or identify with the adopted child, nor can she feel empathy toward the adopted child as she can not identify with the stranger's child, she can't find any trace of her unique identity within the non-compliant adopted infant. 
The interpersonal relationship between the adoptive mother and the adopted child must be constantly, chronically proven which becomes burdensome to the adoptive mother.  In the relationship with biological offspring the genetic mirroring is natural and reflects the genetic similarity of the biological traits, the biological relationship is a progression of the genetic heritage in the offspring within the family structure throughout the generations. The infant knows his place as well as the rest of the genetic family members within the family hierarchy.
The adopted child can not identify themselves, can not identify their biological parent and can not see themselves in the adoptive parent's appearance. The adopted child's visual ques are facts that tell the adopted child that they do not belong and never have belonged with the non genetic group of adoptive family. The adopted child can't relate with the non genetic adoptive family and the adoptive family can not relate with the foreigner adopted child. 
The adoptive relationship between the adoptive mother and the adopted child is not natural, is forced and must be reinforced on a daily basis. The adoptive relationship is not a sustaining relationship.
The adoptive relationship is a constant struggle to prove allegiance, and a struggle to believe that the allegiance is true and that the adoptive parent will not abandon the adopted child. The adopted child knows in his heart that the adoptive relationship will eventually deteriorate and this deterioration begins in adolescence when the child's appearance begins to resemble their genetic parents. 


Interpersonal relationships are dynamic systems that change continuously during their existence. Like living organisms, relationships have a beginning, a lifespan, and an end. They tend to grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closer emotionally, or they gradually deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives and form new relationships with others. 
In the adopted child's relationship with the adoptive family the relational cycle is similar to the interpersonal relationship cycle with the beginning (infancy), childhood (pre-cognitive understanding), and ending (cognitive growth, knowledge, understanding of complex subjects and awareness of adoption's reality).
One of the most influential models of relationship development was proposed by psychologist George Levinger. This model was formulated to describe heterosexual, adult romantic relationships, but it has been applied to other kinds of interpersonal relations as well. According to the model, the natural development of a relationship follows five stages:
  1. Acquaintance and acquaintanceship – Becoming acquainted depends on previous relationships, physical proximity, first impressions, and a variety of other factors. If two people begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely. Another example is association.
  2. Buildup – During this stage, people begin to trust and care about each other. The need for intimacy, compatibility and such filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues.
  3. Continuation – This stage follows a mutual commitment to quite a strong and close long-term friendships, romantic relationship, or even marriage. It is generally a long, relative stable period. Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship.
  4. Deterioration – Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do tend to show signs of trouble. Boredom, resentment, and dissatisfaction may occur, and individuals may communicate less and avoid self-disclosure. Loss of trust and betrayals may take place as the downward spiral continues, eventually ending the relationship. (Alternately, the participants may find some way to resolve the problems and reestablish trust and belief in others.)
  5. Termination – The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by breakups, death, or by spatial separation for quite some time and severing all existing ties of either friendship or romantic love.                                                                                                                                         Although the adopted child is not receiving mutual respect or seen as an equal that leads to the adoptive relationship's deterioration. The growth from innocence to knowledge is seen as braking the unsaid adoption agreement as the adopted child becomes aware of their own cognitive intelligence and moves away from infantile assumptions by adoptive parents.                                                                                                                                    

Adult attachment and attachment theory

Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of secure attachments. Adult attachment models represent an internal set of expectations and preferences regarding relationship intimacy that guide behavior. 
Many adopted children do not receive the common nurturing needed to achieve Secure adult attachment, characterized by low attachment-related avoidance and anxiety, has numerous benefits. Within the context of safe, secure attachments, people can pursue optimal human functioning and flourishing. This is because social acts that reinforce feelings of attachment also stimulate the release of neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and endorphin, which alleviate stress and create feelings of contentment Attachment Theory can also be used as a means of explaining the physical and psychological comfort that is received in adult relationships.Adopted children do not achieve the contentedness in interpersonal relationships that provide the biological chemical interplay that calms and soothes from normal interactions within people.

  • Sustaining vs. terminating – After a relationship has had time to develop, it enters into a phase where it will be sustained if it is not otherwise terminated. Some important qualities of strong, enduring relationships include emotional understanding and effective communication between partners. Research has also shown that idealization of one’s partner is linked to stronger interpersonal bonds. Idealization is the pattern of overestimating a romantic partner’s positive virtues or underestimating a partner’s negative faults in comparison to the partner’s own self-evaluation. In general, individuals who idealize their romantic partners tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Other research has examined the impact of joint activity on relationship quality. In particular, studies have shown that romantic partners that engage in a novel and exciting physical activity together are more likely to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction than partners that complete a mundane activity (as in childcare and parenting).
In his Triangular Theory Of Love, psychologist Robert Sternberg theorizes that love is a mix of three components: some (1) passion, or physical attraction; (2) Intimacy, or feelings of closeness; and (3) commitment, involving the decision to initiate and sustain a relationship. The presence of all three components characterizes consumate love, the most durable type of love. In addition, the presence of intimacy and passion in marital relationships predicts marital satisfaction. Also, commitment is the best predictor of relationship satisfaction, especially in long-term relationships. Positive consequences of being in love include increased self-esteem and self-efficacy.
Referring to the emotion of love, Psychiatrist Daniel Casriel defined the “logic of love” as “the logic of pleasure and pain” in the concept of a "Relationship Road Map" that became the foundation of PAIRS education classes.
”We are drawn to what we anticipate will be a source of pleasure and will look to avoid what we anticipate will be a source of pain. The emotion of love comes from the anticipation of pleasure.”
Based on Casriel’s theory, sustaining feelings of love in an interpersonal relationship requires “effective communication, emotional understanding and healthy conflict resolution skills.”