The Jealousy Resulting In Hostility and Aggression In Adoptive Mothers
Within the population of psychological maladaptive, personality disordered and narcissistic adoptive mothers, the adopted child's age appropriate physical and psychological development creates the hostility, tension and antagonistic environment in the adoptive mother's perception.
The borderline personality disordered adoptive mother can not cope with changes. The changes that are predictable, such as growing up from infant to toddler to young child through adolescence to adult, spontaneously occur and are predictable of human evolution through cycles, progress as in the life cycle expectation.
To the psychologically compromised adoptive mother these changes are perceived as intentional, concerning and threatening to the delicate balance of the psychologically impaired individual. The disruption in an impaired individual's balance is
perceived as a provoking and threatening of the calm and orderly world created by the adoptive mother within her circle of safety. "How things are now" should always be. The adoptive mother may live in denial of the adopted child's growth, cognitive ability and potential for adopted child as an individual who might some day grow up and escape the wonderful world created by the adoptive mother.
The female adopted child upon reaching adolescence can become the perceived sexual competition to the adoptive mother, and struggle for the attention of the husband and adoptive father. The adoptive mother's perception of the adolescent adopted child as the sexual problem offspring being born illegitimate and may project the negative, offensive and jealous feelings the adoptive mother feels toward the biological mother, on to the adopted child. The jealousy the adoptive mother feels toward the young budding female, was never anticipated by the adoptive mother. The adoptive mother is profoundly in denial of her own age, stale marriage relationship and is compelled to psychologically destroy her competition (the adopted child), to maintain her own self worth and self esteem. The adoptive mother's perception of the adopted child that is developing into a desirable woman, is one of jealousy, contempt and intolerance. The adopted child was a compliant child that did what she was told. Now the adoptive mother is faced with the face of a stranger, with natural genetic behaviors and sexual drives that the adoptive mother can not predict. The adoptive mother will visualize or fantasize about the possibility of catching the adopted child (because she is not biological offspring) and her husband engaging in intimate sexual relations. As the adoptive mother feels that she can no longer trust the female adopted child due to the physical maturity of adolescent changes in womanhood. The irony is that no adolescent girl would ever want or consider any form of sexual contact with her father, adoptive or biological. Yet the reality of a psychological compromised adoptive mother's jealousy and gross imagination of sexual liaisons is very real to the adoptive mother. The adoptive mother is living in denial of her own mortality, denial that she is aging, but cognizant to the fact that her marital relations are non-existent and long dead. The adoptive mother can not emphatically see the truth in normal people, or consider the perspective of other people, that her spouse would never consider his adopted daughter in a sexual way. The adoptive mother can only see the world through her own experience and avoids the considerations of others to boost her own self esteem and self worth.
Older women that can only feel jealousy and contempt toward young women are psychologically defective. The egocentric disposition is used only to inflate their own selfish desires. The egocentric woman's driving forces in life is to satisfy their own selfish desires, needs and wants. The adopted child was at one time one of those needs but is quickly discarded when the impulse from their need has past.
Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. In its original meaning,jealousy is distinct from envy, though the two terms have popularly become synonymous in the English language, with jealousy now also taking on the definition originally used for envy alone. Jealousy is a typical experience in human relationships It has been observed in infants five months and older. Some claim that jealousy is seen in every culture; however, others claim jealousy is a culture-specific phenomenon.
Jealousy is often reinforced as a series of particularly strong emotions and constructed as a universal human experience; it has been a theme of many artistic works. Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified factors that result in jealousy. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy. Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books. Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their respective faiths.
Distorted Relationship with Father:
The Pain of Being Unloved:
Anger and revenge and the inability to control it, are the most common underlying causes of Hostile-Aggressive Parenting behaviour. Usually, when a couple separates, there is a lot of pain and hurt caused by the separation. Unfortunately, many parents are unable to deal with their hurt in a positive way and, instead, focus their emotions in a damaging way towards their former spouse and family. Their anger and need for revenge against the other parent takes control to some extent. In severe cases, these emotions can become the main motivating factors in those persons’ lives. Although anger and revenge are basic human reactions, they can be kept largely under control and their adverse affects on children eliminated if the appropriate intervention strategies are employed through the court process coupled with the proper support from the community.
In some cases, parents may fear that their own relationship with their child is not strong enough and worry that their child may develop a stronger relationship with the other parent. Some parents may fear that they may lose custody of the child to the other parent if the child’s bond with the other parent becomes too strong. As a consequence, the fearful parent may resort to Hostile-Aggressive Parenting in the hope of strengthening their own bond with the child at the expense of the child’s relationship with the other parent. Jealousy and fear are often high up on the list when a parent believes that their child may want to spend more time with the other parent, especially when custody and parenting time is yet to be determined by the court. Some parents may resort to HAP fearing that the court may reduce their involvement with the child or not grant their bid for sole custody of the child.
Some parents simply have a desire for power and control over the child and the child’s other parent and the child literally becomes their tool to accomplish this. Often, this thirst for power and control over the other family situation can last for many years, if not a lifetime. The use of the child as a means to have power and control over the other parent is most common in situations where a child has been placed under the sole custodial power of only one parent or where one parent has a significantly greater period of time with the child. In addition to the money that will often flow to the custodial parent from the non-custodial parent, parents who have custody of children are often able to make further financial demands and accounting of their former partners, year after year. Religious conflicts between parents are also a power and control issue with parents of different religions wanting the child to follow the beliefs of his/her own religion.
Personal financial gain is also another strong motivator to hostile-aggressive parents. Gaining custody and control of the children involved is often desired as a way of increasing one party’s personal financial gain to the disadvantage of the other parent. Hostile-Aggressive Parenting can help achieve this by helping to gain custody and child support for the child. For the parent with custody of the child there are huge rewards – child support payment, income tax credits and other child tax credits. Between child support and the other tax benefits, the amount of money involved is usually amounts to thousands of dollars per year, much of it tax-free.
In a very small number of cases where HAP has been identified, one or a number of recognized personality/psychiatric disorders may be the underlying cause or partially the cause. Although most behaviours are related to the environment that persons are exposed to during their developmental years, some may be attributed to genetic disposition in which case, hostile-aggressive tendencies often appear to be found in previous generations of a family tree. For example, a number of parents who suffer from anxiety or depression come from homes where one or both of the parents may have suffered from anxiety or depression as well. Those who exhibit severe hostile-aggressive-behaviour and who seem unable to change their behaviours often suffer some form of mental or personality disorder which is affecting their ability to deal with day to day matters on a rational level. Hostile- Aggressive Parenting (HAP) can be one of the first signs of a person with a personality/psychiatric disorder.