About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

The destruction of the Adopted Child's Self Esteem

ADOPTEE RAGE!

Self-Esteem Development In Adopted Children __________________________________________

The childhood nurturing of an adopted child is vital to the adopted child's development of self-esteem. Adopted children lack their biological mother's participation in genetic mirroring that is essential in the development of normal biological children in physical and psychological childhood development.The adopted child's primary attachment bond with their biological mothers was severed and the child resides among stranger's faces that can not mimic, show by example or learn by the faces that are genetically engineered the same as the biological mother-child dyad that provides the genetic mirroring to teach the child what he looks like, how to make and read genetic facial expressions and create sounds with the shape of the mouth and face. Without these innate and intuitive genetic examples to learn from the child is going through childhood without the common clues that all biological children have the advantage of their genetic mirroring. The adoptive parent can not mirror the child either, the adoptive mother can not see herself in the adopted child or have genetic intuition and biological language or maternal bond sensitivity based empathy toward the non-offspring child. The adoptive mother has no clues or cues to recognize in the adopted child to be able to respond appropriately. The adopted child and the adoptive mother do not speak the same genetic language which is a barrier to cohesion. The relationship is build on trial, error and frustration that grows in time with the child as he becomes the prototype of the biological family and not resembling the adoptive family which causes more language barriers. When a parent and biological child conflict the biological parent sees themselves in the child and therefore can naturally empathize with their offspring. When the adopted child is in conflict with the adoptive parent we only see contempt, anger and growing intolerance toward the adopted child which constantly damages the adopted child's self-esteem.
Denial of the adoption trauma, humiliating and shaming the adopted child come naturally as being adopted is shameful and humiliating to the adopted child.   

Self-Esteem Defined:
In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent," "I am worthy") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. Smith and Mackie define it by saying "The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it. Self-esteem is also known as the evaluative dimension of the self that includes feelings of worthiness, prides and discouragement. One's self-esteem is also closely associated with self-consciousness.
Self-esteem is a disposition that a person has which represents their judgments of their own worthiness. In the mid-1960s, Sociologist Morris Rosenberg defined self-esteem as a feeling of self-worth and developed the Rosenberg self-esteem scale (RSES), which became the most-widely used scale to measure self-esteem in the social sciences.Nathaniel Branden in 1969 defined self-esteem as "the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness." According to Branden, self-esteem is the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect (a feeling of personal worth). It exists as a consequence of the implicit judgment that every person has of their ability to face life's challenges, to understand and solve problems, and their right to achieve happiness, and be given respect.


As a social psychological construct, self-esteem is attractive because researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of relevant outcomes, such as academic achievement or exercise behavior (Hagger et al. 1998). In addition, self-esteem has also been treated as an important outcome due to its close relation with psychological well-being (Marsh 1989). Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer and I feel happy about that") or a global extent (for example, "I believe I am a bad person, and feel bad about myself in general"). Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic ("trait" self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations ("state" self-esteem) also exist. Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth, self-regard, self-respect, and self-integrity.

Development

Experiences in a person's life are a major source of self-esteem development. The positive or negative life experiences one has, creates attitudes toward the self which can be favourable and develop positive feelings of self-worth, or can be unfavourable and develop negative feelings of self-worth. In the early years of a child's life, parents are the most significant influence on self-esteem and the main source of positive and negative experiences a child will have. The emphasis of unconditional love, in parenting how-to books, represents the importance of a child developing a stable sense of being cared for and respected. These feelings translate into later effects of self-esteem as the child grows older.
During the school years, academic achievement is a significant contributor to self-esteem development. A student consistently achieving success or consistently failing strongly affects their individual self-esteem. Social experiences are another important contributor. As children go through school they begin to understand and recognize differences between themselves and their classmates. Using social comparisons, children assess whether they did better or worse than classmates in different activities. These comparisons play an important role in shaping the child's self-esteem and influence the positive or negative feelings they have about themselves. As children go through adolescence peer influence becomes much more important, as adolescents make appraisals of themselves based on their relationships with close friends. Successful relationships among friends are very important to the development of high self-esteem for children. Social acceptance brings about confidence and produces high self-esteem, whereas rejection from peers and loneliness brings about self-doubts and produces low self-esteem.
Parenting Style can also play a crucial role in self-esteem development. Students in elementary school who have high self-esteem tend to have parents who are caring, supportive adults who set clear standards for their child and allow them to voice their opinion in decision making. Although studies thus far have reported only a correlation of warm, supportive parenting styles and children having high self-esteem it could easily be thought of as having some causal effect in self-esteem development.
Childhood experiences that contribute to healthy self-esteem include being listened to, being spoken to respectfully, receiving appropriate attention and affection and having accomplishments recognized and mistakes or failures acknowledged and accepted. Experiences that contribute to low self-esteem include being harshly criticized, being physically, sexually or emotionally abused, being ignored, ridiculed or teased or being expected to be "perfect" all the time.

Low

Low self-esteem can result from various factors, including genetic factors, physical appearance or weight, mental health issues, socioeconomic status,peer pressure, bullying.
Children growing up in a misogynistic environment can suffer intensely but not much research has been carried out on this.
A person with low self-esteem may show some of the following characteristics:
  • Heavy self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism with resentment against critics and feelings of being attacked.
  • Chronic indecision and an exaggerated fear of mistakes.
  • Excessive will to please and unwillingness to displease any petitioner.
  • Perfectionism, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.
  • Neurotic guilt, dwelling on or exaggerating the magnitude of past mistakes.
  • Floating hostility and general defensiveness and irritability without any proximate cause.
  • Pessimism and a general negative outlook.
  • Envy, invidiousness, or general resentment.
  • Sees temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions.
Individuals with low self-esteem tend to be critical of themselves. Some depend on the approval and praise of others when evaluating self-worth. Others may measure their likability in terms of successes: others will accept them if they succeed but will not if they fail.

The three states

This classification proposed by Martin Ross distinguishes three states of self-esteem compared to the “feats” (triumphs, honors, virtues) and the “anti-feats” (defeats, embarrassment, shame, etc.) of the individuals.

Shattered

The individual does not regard themselves as valuable or lovable. They may be overwhelmed by defeat, or shame, or see themselves as such, and they name their “anti-feat”. For example, if they consider that being over a certain age is an anti-feat, they define themselves with the name of their anti-feat, and say, “I am old”. They pity themselves. They insult themselves. They feel sorry. They may become paralyzed by their sadness.

Vulnerable

The individual has a positive self-image. However, their self-esteem is also vulnerable to the perceived risk of an imminent anti-feat (such as defeat, embarrassment, shame, discredit), consequently they are often nervous and regularly use defense mechanisms. A typical protection mechanism of those with a Vulnerable Self-Esteem may consist in avoiding decision-making. Although such individuals may outwardly exhibit great self-confidence, the underlying reality may be just the opposite: the apparent self-confidence is indicative of their heightened fear of anti-feats and the fragility of their self-esteem. They may also try to blame others to protect their self-image from situations which would threaten it. They may employ defense mechanisms, including attempting to lose at games and other competitions in order to protect their self-image by publicly dissociating themselves from a 'need to win', and asserting an independence from social acceptance which they may deeply desire. In this deep fear of being unaccepted by an individuals peers, they make poor life choices by making risky choices. For example/. many young women that smoke tobacco do so because they have a low body image therefore lowering their self-esteem and leading them to make unhealthy life choices. A low-self esteem can be resolved by heightening physical health ( Lilly McCoy).

Strong

People with strong self-esteem have a positive self-image and enough strength so that anti-feats do not subdue their self-esteem. They have less fear of failure. These individuals appear humble, cheerful, and this shows a certain strength not to boast about feats and not to be afraid of anti-feats. They are capable of fighting with all their might to achieve their goals because, if things go wrong, their self-esteem will not be affected. They can acknowledge their own mistakes precisely because their self-image is strong, and this acknowledgment will not impair or affect their self-image. They live with less fear of losing social prestige, and with more happiness and general well-being. However, no type of self-esteem is indestructible, and due to certain situations or circumstances in life, one can fall from this level into any other state of self-esteem. 

Contingent vs. non-contingent

A distinction is made between contingent (or conditional) and non-contingent (or unconditional) self-esteem.
Contingent self-esteem is derived from external sources, such as (a) what others say, (b) one’s success or failure, (c) one's competence, or (d) relationship contingent self-esteem. Therefore, contingent self-esteem is marked by instability, unreliability, and vulnerability. Persons lacking a non-contingent self-esteem are “predisposed to an incessant pursuit of self-value. However, because the pursuit of contingent self-esteem is based on receiving approval, it is doomed to fail. No one receives constant approval and disapproval often evokes depression. Furthermore, fear of disapproval inhibits activities in which failure is possible.
Non-contingent self-esteem is described as true, stable, and solid. It springs from a belief that one is “acceptable period, acceptable before life itself, ontologically acceptable. Belief that one is “ontologically acceptable” is to believe that one’s acceptability is “the way things be without contingency. In this belief, as expounded by theologian Paul Tillich, acceptability is not based on a person’s virtue. It is an acceptance given “in spite of our guilt, not because we have no guilt.