The Familiarity to Resentment In Adoptee Life __________________________________________
Resentment is a common and familiar undertone in the adoptive family home. When the adopted child begins to age out of the innocence stage and begins to understand their world and the very tragic and dramatic implications of what it truly means to be adopted. The adopted child's cognitive awareness brings the child's comprehension into their own very personal adult perspective that has been suppressed throughout childhood. The adolescent's hormonal and biological changes give fuel to the adolescent's underlying anger at the injustices forced upon him while he tries to manage his emotions without any real experience, experience that biological kids have mastered their emotions due to their foundation of belonging to their biological parents and not being forced to suppress these normal emotions for unconscious fear of abandonment and daily survival in the environment that you do not genetically belong to. The adoptive parent sees the adopted adolescent emerging into a stranger and not their compliant adopted child who does as they are told and is easily controlled with verbal threats. This adopted child that they feel should be grateful for the adopted parent's sacrifice allowing a stranger's child into their lives and now changes in the previously silent child's behavior is at odds with the previous continuity of the family. No changes are welcome, growing up is not welcome in adopted children because they are not born like biological children they are bought ready made and not ever expected to change. When change does occur, the adoptive parent takes the changes as a hostility toward the parent because every action or reaction is all about the self-centered parent, perceiving any action a hostility, and the hostility is a deliberate challenge to the integrity of the perfect parent's work of bring up adopted child.
What they just don't get is that adolescence is not about the parent. Adolescence is the child becoming an adult-understanding the world as an adult with their own perception that can not any longer be forced on the child, or treating the adult as a child. The adolescent is attempting to form an identity, because they are adopted it will be one of many pseudo-identities until the adoptee seeks reunion and reparation when they can for the first time form a real identity. The adolescent adoptee comes into the harsh, depravity, denial and adoptee life built on lies and secrets that are kept legally from the adult adoptee. The adolescent adoptee faces the truth of understanding the vast complicated circumstances that forced his life beyond his control and the reality of these subjects are overwhelming, anger provoking and in general very unsatisfying....to say the least.