About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

The Adoptee's Familiarity with Resentment


The Familiarity to Resentment In Adoptee Life  __________________________________________

Resentment is a common and familiar undertone in the adoptive family home. When the adopted child begins to age out of the innocence stage and begins to understand their world and the very tragic and dramatic implications of what it truly means to be adopted. The adopted child's cognitive awareness brings the child's comprehension into their own very personal adult perspective that has been suppressed throughout childhood. The adolescent's hormonal and biological changes give fuel to the adolescent's underlying anger at the injustices forced upon him while he tries to manage his emotions without any real experience, experience that biological kids have mastered their emotions due to their foundation of belonging to their biological parents and not being forced to suppress these normal emotions for unconscious fear of abandonment and daily survival in the environment that you do not genetically belong to. The adoptive parent sees the adopted adolescent emerging into a stranger and not their compliant adopted child who does as they are told and is easily controlled with verbal threats. This adopted child that they feel should be grateful for the adopted parent's sacrifice allowing a stranger's child into their lives and now changes in the previously silent child's behavior is at odds with the previous continuity of the family. No changes are welcome, growing up is not welcome in adopted children because they are not born like biological children they are bought ready made and not ever expected to change. When change does occur, the adoptive parent takes the changes as a hostility toward the parent because every action or reaction is all about the self-centered parent, perceiving any action a hostility, and the hostility is a deliberate challenge to the integrity of the perfect parent's work of bring up adopted child.
What they just don't get is that adolescence is not about the parent. Adolescence is the child becoming an adult-understanding the world as an adult with their own perception that can not any longer be forced on the child, or treating the adult as a child. The adolescent is attempting to form an identity, because they are adopted it will be one of many pseudo-identities until the adoptee seeks reunion and reparation when they can for the first time form a real identity. The adolescent adoptee comes into the harsh, depravity, denial and adoptee life built on lies and secrets that are kept legally from the adult adoptee. The adolescent adoptee faces the truth of understanding the vast complicated circumstances that forced his life beyond his control and the reality of these subjects are overwhelming, anger provoking and in general very unsatisfying....to say the least.   

Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is the experience of a negative emotion (anger or hatred, for instance)        felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done. Etymologically,     the word originates from French "ressentir", re-, intensive prefix, and sentir "to feel"; from the Latin "sentire". The English word has become synonymous with anger and spite.
Robert C. Solomon, a professor of philosophy at the University of Texas at Austin, places resentment on the same line-continuum with contempt and anger. According to him, the differences between the three emotions are as follows: resentment is directed towards higher-status individuals, anger is directed towards equal-status individuals and contempt is directed towards lower-status individuals.

Resentment can be triggered by an emotionally disturbing experience felt again or relived in the mind. When the person feeling resentment is directing the emotion at himself or herself, it appears as remorse.


Resentment can result from a variety of situations, involving a perceived wrongdoing from an individual, and often are sparked by expressions of injustice or humiliation. Common sources of resentment include publicly humiliating incidents such as accepting negative treatment without voicing any protest, an object of regular discrimination, or prejudice, envy or jealousy, feeling used or taken advantage of by others, and having achievements go unrecognized, while others succeed without working as hard. Resentment can also be generated by dyadic interactions, such as emotional rejection or denial by another person, deliberate embarrassment or belittling by another person, or ignorance, putting down, or scorn by another personas in the adoptive parent-adopted child relationship.
Unlike many emotions, resentment does not have physical tags exclusively related to it that telegraph when a person is feeling this emotion. However, physical expressions associated with related emotions such as anger and envy may be exhibited, such as furrowed brows or bared teeth.
Resentment can be self-diagnosed by looking for signs such as the need for self emotional regulation, such as faking happiness while with a person to cover true feelings toward him or speaking in a sarcastic or demeaning way to or about the person. It can also be diagnosed through the appearance of agitation- or dejection-related emotions, such as feeling inexplicably depressed or despondent, becoming angry for no apparent reason, or having nightmares or disturbing anger based daydreams about a person.


Resentment is most powerful when it is felt toward someone whom the individual is close to or intimate with. To have an injury resulting in resentful feelings inflicted by a friend or loved one leaves the individual feeling betrayed as well as resentful, and these feelings can have deep effects, especially for adopted children that are forced to rely on a resentful or angry adoptive parent. 
Resentment is an emotionally debilitating condition that, when unresolved, can have a variety of negative results on the person experiencing it, including touchiness or edginess when thinking of the person resented, denial of anger or hatred against this person, and provocation or anger arousal when this person is recognized positively. It can also have more long-term effects, such as the development of a hostile, cynical, sarcastic attitude that may become a barrier against other healthy relationships, lack of personal and emotional growth, difficulty in self-disclosure, trouble trusting others, loss of self-confidence, and overcompensation. An Adoptive parent's resentment toward an adopted child can retard the potential emotional growth and development, resulting in emotional developmental arrest where the child does not emotionally grow up past a certain point.
To further compound these negative effects, resentment often functions in a downward spiral. Resentful feelings cut off communication between the resentful person and the person he or she feels committed the wrong, and can result in future miscommunications and the development of further resentful feelings. Because of the consequences they carry, resentful feelings are dangerous to live with and need to be dealt with. Resentment is an obstacle to the restoration of equal moral relations among persons and family members. Continued and growing resentment left ignored and denied can result in an physical altercations and are a risk for a potential or unrealized threat, that must be handled and expunged via introspection and forgiveness, to avoid physical and dangerous threatening events.
Psychologist James J. Messina recommends five steps to facing and resolving resentful feelings. (1) Identify the source of the resentful feelings and what it is the person did to evoke these feelings, (2) develop a new way of looking at past, present and future life, including how resentment has affected life and how letting go of resentment can improve the future, (3) write a letter to the source of the resentment, listing offenses and explaining the circumstances, then forgive and let go of the offenses (but do not send the letter), (4) visualize a future without the negative impact of resentment, and (5) if resentful feelings still linger, return to Step 1 and begin again.

Comparison with other emotions

Resentment is considered to be synonymous with anger, spite, and other similar emotions; however, while it may incorporate elements of these emotions, resentment is distinct from these emotions in several ways. Aside from sharing similar facial expressions, resentment and anger differ primarily in the way they are externally expressed. Anger results in aggressive behavior, used to avert or deal with a threat, while resentment occurs once the injury has been dealt and is not expressed as aggressively or as openly.
Resentment and spite also differ primarily in the way they are expressed. Resentment is unique in that it is almost exclusively internalized, where it can do further emotional and psychological damage but does not strongly impact the person resented. By contrast, spite is exclusively externalized, involving vindictive actions against a (perceived or actual) source of wrong. Spiteful actions can stem from resentful feelings, however.

Academic perspectives

Philosopher Robert C. Solomon wrote extensively on the emotion of resentment and its negative effects on those who experience it. Solomon describes resentment as the means by which man clings to his self-respect. He wrote that it is in this moment when humanity is at its lowest ebb.

Modern culture

Resentment can also play a role in racial and ethnic conflicts. Resentment is cited as having infected the structure of social value, and is thus a regular catalyst in conflicts sparked by inequality. It can also be one of the emotions experienced during class conflict particularly by the oppressed social class known as adoptees.