About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The Adopted Child's Experience of Ambiguous Loss


The Adopted Child Experience of Ambiguous Loss

The expected resilience of adopted children to ignore the the presence of biological family, the adopted child's grief and loss of their Primary attachment maternal bond is not a psychologically realistic expectation. In ambiguous loss there is no death of the biological family, no body to bury have what adoptive parent's expect the adopted child to have "closure", it does not exist, only in the hypothetical mind of the adoptive parent's wishful thinking.

Ambiguous loss

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Ambiguous loss is a loss that occurs without closure or understanding. This kind of loss leaves a person searching for answers, and thus complicates and delays the process of grieving, and often results in unresolved grief. Some examples are infertility, termination of pregnancy disappearance of a family member, death of an ex-spouse, a family member being physically alive but in a state of cognitive decline due to Alzheimer's disease, dimensia, etc. An ambiguous loss can be categorized into two types of loss, physical or psychological. Physical loss and psychological loss differ in terms of what is being grieved for, the loss of the physical body, or the psychological mind. Experiencing an ambiguous loss can lead to personal questions, such as, "Am I still married to my missing spouse?," or "Am I still a child to a parent who no longer remembers me?" Since the grief process in an ambiguous loss is halted, it is harder to cope or move on to acceptance from the type of loss experienced. There are various types of grief that can occur due to the type of ambiguity experienced and corresponding therapy techniques to address the certain types of grief. The overall goal of therapy to cope with ambiguous loss is to overcome the trauma associated with it and restoring resilience. 

Types of ambiguous loss

An ambiguous loss can be physical or psychological in nature.

Physical loss

A physical ambiguous loss means that the body of a loved one is no longer around, such as a missing person or unrecovered body from war, but is still remembered psychologically due to the chance of coming back, for example in missing person cases. A physical ambiguous loss can occur across generations, such as the families of victims of the holocaust, and can cause as traumatic distress as PTSD.

Psychological loss

The second type of ambiguous loss is where a person is still physically there, but is psychologically absent. This happens in cases where the brain is affected, therefore affecting the behavior or well being of the individual. Psychological ambiguous loss does not just occur to family and friends of the person affected. Psychological loss can happen personally in terms of one losing sense of who they are. This can stem from having a traumatic brain injury and not knowing who they are causing a lost feeling and uncertain identity issues.

Grieving process

The grieving process for an ambiguous loss differs from regular mourning in unable to gain closure due to unresolved grief. In cases of a psychological ambiguous loss, the grieving process can be especially difficult because of the inability to accept or admit that there is a problem and cannot confront their situation in the first place in order to deal with the problem. One key factor in getting over an ambiguous loss is resilience. In the normal grieving process, people obtain closure after dealing with a loss. In an ambiguous loss, closure does not exist, and should not be sought after in this case.


 Resilience and hope are important in the case of an ambiguous loss because paired together, they are able to allow the individual to come to terms with the loss and continue moving forward in life. Some ways to tell that one is resilient in a case with ambiguous loss is actively seek out help when they know it is needed. Uncontrollable factors such as culture, age, socioeconomic status, and genetics are all factors that contribute to resilience.  Trauma and ambiguous loss often co-exist together and if the trauma is not dealt with it can trigger unresolved emotions. Therapy will address a case of ambiguous loss by restoring resilience, and reconnecting with the loss and the relationship with whom the loss is associated.

Three types of grief

The difference between regular grief and grief from an ambiguous loss is the type of loss creates the type of grief experienced. Grief in ambiguous loss can be both beneficial and difficult. Since the grief in an ambiguous loss differs than the linear stages of grief there is no pressure to move on or achieve closure, and this allows for people to remember the loss loved one and move on with relationships and life. There are three specific types of grief that can develop from the type of ambiguous loss.

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief occurs before bereavement, mourning after death occurs, and upon realizing that death may be imminent for a loved one, anticipatory grief sets in. This type of grief is common among families who have a loved one living with Alzheimer's disease. The grief becomes anticipatory due to the knowledge that the loved one's mental state will only become worse, so the grieving process can start very early.

Disenfranchised grief

The second type of grief that can develop from an ambiguous loss is disenfranchised grief. It is also known as unrecognized grief because it often occurs in the loss of a beloved pet and the grief is not taken seriously.

Frozen grief

Frozen grief is the third type of grief, it is a result of the ambiguity of death because of the physical or psychological disappearance and therefore one's grief is frozen since they do not get a chance to let grief run a normal course.


The term "ambiguous loss" was first used in the 1970s by Pauline Boss, a researcher who studied families of soldiers who went missing in action and coined the term in the late 1970s. During her research, Boss, had previously used the term boundary ambiguity from 1973 up until 1977, and that term was later replaced with ambiguous loss in 1977.