Child Adaption in Adopted Children
Child ADAPTION is the clear and concise term for child adoption. As child adoption is the forced legal relationship that the adopted child did not agree to, but is forced to participate for the legal duration of their life. Luckily at the age of majority "18 Years" of age the adoptee can abandon the emotional prison of child adoption enforced upon him by law.
Paul Sunderland, the addiction psychology specialist uses and explains the "Adaption" of adopted children in many of his speeches available on youtube.com.
Mr. Sunderland's emphasis on adopted children and adult adoptees that are over represented in his addiction practices in England.
The continuous conscious and unconscious adapting that adoptees are psychologically burdened by due to their isolated status from their genetic and biological families. The adaptions begin early in the life of the adopted child for survival. The constant draining of energy to adapt to the present situation that is ever changing as adapting to current circumstances in the lives of adopted children's hypervigilance to details and their modification of behavior to accomplish each moments task and to copy what the others are doing to fit in, in that moment is a perpetual unrelenting and exhausting defense mechanisms for adopted children that is mistaken for the adopted child's personality. The adapting and defense mechanisms help the adopted child to survive temporarily. Unfortunately the defense mechanisms and adapting utilized by adopted children does not help them but will hinder the adopted child in their future adult relationships. The adopted child's coping mechanisms is all they know and helped them to survive the best they could in the alien adoptive family of which they do not belong.
The paradox of child adoption is injustice at it's basic level. The child is removed from his genetic tribe where he belongs. The child is adopted in to an alien non-biological family where the adopted child does not fit in and does not belong. The adopted child survives the adoption childhood without forming true adult identity, life skills or adult coping skills to fit into society.
The adult adoptee will distance himself, ignore and deny adoption's impact on one's own life with the best of intentions. Adoptee's trying so hard to disconnect themselves from the shame, humiliation and discontinuity of adoption's fallout.
To deny being an adopted child provides temporary
shelter to the outcast.
When someone singles you out, it is so humiliating you want to die right there and make the person that outed you suffer a miserable death of strangulation by the adopted child's hands around their throat.
This happened to me one morning as I went to a new bank to open a checking account. I have always been a hermit, avoiding my adopted past like the black death plague. I filled out the necessary forms and the manager sat down at the desk across from me reviewing my bank application. "I remember You", "When your parent's adopted you....Back in 1968" "you know they published it in the local paper".
I was shocked, horrified and frozen, someone has outed me what do I do? I feel so embarrassed, so dirty and humiliated! I want to die! After a moment of my frozen lack of response, I stood up from the desk, took the application paper out of this women's hands, I crumbled it into a ball never again making eye contact, I proceeded to walk out the door. As I walked through the door I kept hearing her say "I was out of line", "I am sorry", "I didn't mean to embarrass you"...Bla bla bla.....Reduced to about an inch tall I slithered home to my hovel of shame and cried in the privacy of my own self-hatred. Just remembering that horrible day, and now writing it down, I am so ashamed of being adopted, I hate my prison's life sentence of adoption, As I can never quite escape it long enough to get some sort of peace in my life.
The simple and necessary human ability to pretend that we were that ostracized adopted child outcast. That the whole entire community knows our shame, and that strips adoptees of any dignity or privacy from the bombardment of adoptee's humiliation.
To pretend that I am not that adopted child, That was not me. You have mistaken me with someone else. No adopted child here... I am a normal person, I was raised in a normal home by normal parents.
I demand to be normal but sadly that fact will never be owned by me.
As I desperately try to not be abandoned, adopted and never grateful enough. I try to pretend, to ignore, to forget, and purposely deny the fact of my false identity, which lies at the core of my peculiarity as an adopted child. The secrecy and lies that constitute myself as a whole are what I am made of.
But the baggage of child adoption is a heavy burden that intrudes into every aspect of his childhood and adult life., The adult child's adoption burden is continuously ignored and psychopathy occurs. The only way to improve this common debilitating child adoption burden's negative psychological situation is to eventually take on the monumental task of dealing with it. The adoptee may not know or be in denial of the fact that all of his problems originate from his abandonment, adopted childhood and adoptee adulthood. The secrets, the lies, the shame and missing the mark....That is what adopted children are made of