About Adoptee Rage

Statistics Identify large populations of Adoptees in prisons, mental hospitals and committed suicide.
Fifty years of scientific studies on child adoption resulting in psychological harm to the child and
poor outcomes for a child's future.
Medical and psychological attempts to heal the broken bonds of adoption, promote reunions of biological parents and adult children. The other half of attempting to repair a severed Identity is counselling therapy to rebuild the self.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Bored Narcissist Takes on a New Project.

The bored narcissist takes a new project.


In normal families, the 'Maternal Investment' is fueled by the mother's 'maternal drive' insuring that her offspring's survival in growing into maturity. We observe the feeling of sadness in our children reach maturity and go out into the world, but also joy at the prospect of the mother's and father's future time to pursuit our own goals and motivations. Some mothers see this time as a loss of control over the children, a loss of the family that was and a uncomfortable feeling about of the loss of the past family unit. This ability to grieve for what was and go on is normal psychological health, though temporary uncomfortable. The controlling narcissistic mother does not like to feel a loss of control, the public's perception that she is weakened, or the temporary feeling of grief that goes with change or circumstances. The narcissist mother will not stand for such a public perception of her weakness and worse the public perception of "Getting Old" that accompanies children going off into the world. The narcissist will devise a plan to replenish her youth and restore her "Mother" status with an award winning devise to adopt a child and save a child from himself. The mother's status will be restored and the public perception will grow into hero status. Although she is not interested in revisiting carpools, teacher conferences or diaper changes the narcissist mother acts on impulse to acquire a child to fulfill all of her voids. The child will suffer the narcissist's ownership and become like a piece of jewelry she may sometimes wear to show off her wealth and status.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Self Esteem Concept in Normal Healthy Individuals


The Concept of Self Esteem In Normal Healthy Individuals


Self-esteem, in regard to human interpersonal communication, is the evaluative element of the perception of oneself. Self-esteem is self-appraisal, your perception of self worth, physical attractiveness, social competence of how we relate to others is reflected back to us  and constitutes our regard for ourselves.
Our self-esteem begins in-utero and continues to develop after birth as non-verbal dialog, eye and physical contact, the mechanism of interaction between the mother-child attachment of the maternal bond that constitutes the child's foundation of (present and future) self-esteem relatedness. The maternal drive assists the mother and child in biological intuition and non-verbal communication that promotes the child and mother's message exchanges to be interpreted and understood as a feeling of nurturing and love in a positive regard.   

Influences on self-esteem

There are three primary influences on self-esteem: reflected appraisal, social comparison, and contingencies of self-worth. Reflected appraisal refers to messages you receive from others that assess your self-concept. For example, we are not able to believe that we are smart if the ones who are important in our lives tell us that we are slow, stupid or dumb. Social comparison is evaluating ourselves by comparing our own abilities, attributes, and accomplishments to those of other people. When we surround ourselves with others whom we perceive to be superior to us, our self-esteem tends to diminish, while when we surround ourselves with others whom we perceive to be not as talented as us, our self-esteem tends to inflate. Lastly, contingencies of self-worth is how our self-esteem is influenced by what is perceived as most important to us feeling good about ourselves. For example, one person's self-esteem could be highly contingent on doing well in academics and having a lot of friends whereas another person's self-esteem could be highly contingent on their performance in athletics and adherence to moral standards of the parents.

Protecting our self-esteem

Individuals protect their self-esteem by exercising a self serving bias, which is the tendency to attribute successful behavior to oneself but to assign external circumstances to one's unsuccessful behavior. For example, a football wide-receiver will give himself all of the credit for a miraculous catch but will blame the quarterback for a dropped one. The tendency to emphasize one's accomplishments and downplay one's failures is common. People will be unlikely to learn new skills or gain knowledge unless they become mindful of this self serving and destructive tendency.

Optimal self-esteem

Optimal self-esteem comes from significance accomplishments without expecting a reward. It is the unconscious effort to please others without expecting anything in return and is unlikely to occur if you place yourself at the mercy of other people's appraisals. Optimal self-esteem develops, paradoxically, when you concentrate on accomplishing goals and dreams rather than building self-esteem.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Unconditional Love Connection Between Biological Parent and Offspring., The Conditional Regard for the Adopted Child.


The Unconditional (Love) Connection Between Biological Family Member Relationship and The Conditional Regard For the Adopted Child.

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. It can be also love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, complete love, or "mother's/father's love." Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging. It is a concept in ones mind comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships. An example of this is a parent's love for their child; no matter a test score, a life changing decision, an argument, or a strong belief, the amount of love that remains between this bond is seen as unchanging and unconditional.
In religion, unconditional love is thought to be part of "The Four Loves" affection, friendship, romance, and unconditional. In ethology, or the study of animal behavior, unconditional love would refer to altruism which in turn refers to the behavior by individuals that increases the fitness of another while decreasing the fitness of the individual committing the act. In psychology, unconditional love refers to a state of mind in which one has the goal of increasing the welfare of another, despite any evidence of benefit for oneself. The term is also widely used in family and couples counseling manuals.

The distinction between unconditional love and conditional love.        
"Conditional Love": love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover. Conditional Love requires some kind of exchanges.
Unconditional Love: love is "given freely" to the loved one "no matter what". Loving attention and affection of nurturing is primary.   Unconditional love is seen as infinite and measureless. Unconditional love is an act of the feelings irrespective of will. Unconditional love separates the individual from their behaviors.

Unconditional love NOT mistaken with Unconditional Dedication.           
Unconditional Dedication: unconditional dedication or "duty" refers to an act of the will, "Irrespective of feelings" (e.g. a person may consider they have a duty to stay with someone they do not love because of "Duty", or To keep something that is no longer wanted out of a "Duty".)                            
 However, the individual may exhibit behaviors that are unacceptable in a particular situation. To begin with a simple example:                      #1) One acquires a puppy. 
The puppy is cute, playful, and the owner's heart swells with love for this new family member. Then the puppy urinates on the floor. The owner does not stop loving the puppy, but needs to modify the puppy's behavior through training and education. The puppy grows into a large dog, with the loss of his "cuteness" the puppy is banished from the home to live alone in the backyard for the duration of his life, and the owner's "Duty" to keep the dog which is now regarded as a burden.                                                                                                                 #2) One acquires an adopted child.
The child's "Cuteness" factor is serious and extremely relied upon (by Adoption Agency's Hope for placement success and Matching theory) to promote the adoptive mother's attachment to the adopted child.  As in the puppy example, the adopting parent seeks out objects to satisfy needs, desires and depravity. A personal defect as in infertility, the need to have the social status that being a parent (status/role), To make just a personal injustice ( the unfairness of infertility). The hopeful attachment of the mother is necessary as seen in the puppy's cuteness, the infant's cuteness will also quickly fade away. As seen in superficially based relationships, the good looks will change in time and there must be other similarities between two people to keep them "relating" to one another. Although the adopted child can't relate to the adoptive parent, the mother's attachment to the infant may grow a future relationship. But there is no shared similarities, the infant can't interact with language and the non-verbal biological messages from the mother-from the infant can not be understood to "relate" to one another on an interpersonal level. The adoptive mother's attachment to the child is conditional and is the second point for the possibility of a child adoption success (relied upon by adoption agency procedure).

The Predicament for Adopted Children Outside of Psychology Similarity Theory Laws., The Similarity Theory Laws of Human Conduct


The Psychology Similarity Laws in Human Conduct 

The predicament for Adopted Children Who Are Outside of Similarity Theory Laws of Human Conduct 

Adopted children can not be accepted as biological offspring, as they are not. The biological offspring
of a mother or father is an unconditional fact in the laws of genetic, biological and psychological similarity law theory. Therefore, the adopted child must be indoctrinated into the adoptive family through the psychological process of acceptance which is conditional position, contingent on the facts that other principles will be included (as in the biological parents will not change their minds, etc.).

Definition, Acceptance: is the experience of a situation without an intention to change that situation. also An Offer of Acceptance, a legal term related to contract law (as in adoption law and contract)

Similarity (psychology)

Link: www.Wikipedia.org/similarity_psychology/

Similarity refers to the psychological nearness or proximity of two mental representations. It is one of the principles of grouping in Gestalt psychology.
According to Daniel Schachter "Regions that are similar in color, lightness, shape, or texture are perceived as belonging to the same object".  Research in cognitive psychology has taken a number of approaches to the concept of similarity. Each of them is related to a particular set of assumptions about knowledge representation.

Cognitive psychological approaches

Mental distance approaches
Mental distance approaches (Shepard, 1962) assume that mental representations can be conceptualized as some kind of mental space. Concepts are represented as points within the space. Similarity between concepts is a function of the distance between the concepts in space. Concepts represented by points that are near to each other are more psychologically similar than are points that are conceptually distant. A strength of this approach is there are many mathematical techniques for deriving spaces from data such as multidementional scaling (Shepard, 1962) and latent semantic analysis (Laudauer & Dumais, 1997).

Featural approaches

Featural approaches (Tversky, 1977) were developed to address limitations of the mental distance approaches. For example, spaces are symmetric. The distance between two points is the same regardless of which point you start from. However, psychological similarity is not symmetric. For example, we often prefer to state similarity in one direction. For example, it feels more natural to say that 101 is like 100 than to say that 100 is like 101. Furthermore, many metaphors are also directional. Saying "That surgeon is a butcher" means something quite different from saying "That butcher is a surgeon."
Featural approaches assumed that people represent concepts by lists of features that describe properties of the items. A similarity comparison involves comparing the feature lists that represent the concepts. Features that are shared in the feature lists are commonalities of the pair and features that are contained in one feature set but not the other are differences of the pair. It is possible to account for people's intuitions or ratings of the similarities between concepts by assuming that judgments of similarity increase with the number of commonalities (weighted by the salience of those commonalities) and decreases with the number of differences (weighted by the salience of the differences).

Structural approaches

Structural approaches to similarity (Gentner & Markman, 1997) were developed to address limitations of the featural account. In particular, featural approaches assume that the commonalities and differences are independent of each other. However, commonalities and differences are not psychologically independent. In fact, determining the differences between a pair requires finding the commonalities. Consider the comparison between a car and a motorcycle. Both have wheels. That is a commonality. However, cars have four wheels, while motorcycles have two wheels. That is a difference. Because this difference required first finding a commonality between the pair, it is called an alignable difference. Alignable differences contrast withnonalignable differences which are aspects of one concept that have no correspondence in the other. For example, cars have seatbelts and motorcycles do not. Research suggests that alignable differences have a larger impact on people's judgments of similarity than do nonalignable differences. Thus, the relationship between the commonalities of a pair and the differences is important for understanding people's assessments of similarity. Structural approaches to similarity emerged from research on analogy.

Transformational approaches

Transformational accounts of similarity (Hahn & Chater, 2003) were developed to evaluate similarity independently of the type of mental representation. On this view, any mental representation can be transformed into another mental representation through some series of steps. For any representation system and set of transformations, it is possible to define the shortest set of steps (i.e., the shortest program) that will transform one representation into another. The shorter this minimal program, the more similarity the pair of concepts. Larkey and Markman (2005) found some evidence against this view, showing that the number of steps to transform the colors and shapes of geometric objects does not predict people's similarity judgments for those objects.

Social psychological approaches

In social psychology, similarity refers to how closely attitudes, values, interests and personality match between people. Research has consistently shown that similarity leads to interpersonal attraction.
Many forms of similarity have been shown to increase liking. Similarities in opinions, interpersonal styles, amount of communication skill, demographics, and values have all been shown in experiments to increase liking.
Several explanations have been offered to explain similarity increases interpersonal attraction (like-prefers-like). First, people with similar interests tend to put themselves into similar types of settings. For example, two people interested in literature are likely to run into each other in the library and form a relationship (involving the propinquity effect). Another explanation is that we notice similar people, expect them to like us, and initiate relationships. Also, having relationships with similar people helps to validate the values held in common. Finally, people tend to make negative assumptions about those who disagree with them on fundamental issues, and hence feel repulsion.
Interpersonal attraction is the attraction between people which leads to friendships andromantic relationships. Interpersonal attraction, the process, is distinct from perceptions of physical attractiveness which involves views of what is and is not considered beautiful or attractive.
The study of interpersonal attraction is a major area of research in social psychology. Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like, dislike, or hate someone. It can be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation. When measuring interpersonal attraction, one must refer to the qualities of the attracted as well as the qualities of the attractor to achieve predictive accuracy. It is suggested that to determine attraction, personality and situation must be taken into account. Repulsion is also a factor in the process of interpersonal attraction, one's conception of "attraction" to another can vary from extreme attraction to extreme repulsion.


    Many factors leading to interpersonal attraction have been studied, all of which involve social reinforcement. The most frequently studied are: Physical Attractiveness, Propinquity, Familiarity, Similarity, Complimentarity, Reciprocal Liking, and Reinforcement.    

    Propinquity effect

    According to Rowland Miller's Intimate Relationships text, the propinquity effect can be defined as: "the more we see and interact with a person, the more likely he or she is to become our friend or sexual partner." This effect is very similar to the mere exposure effect  in that the more a person is exposed to a stimulus, the more the person likes it; however, there are a few exceptions to the mere exposure effect Familiarity can also occur without physical exposure. Recent studies show that relationships formed over the Internet resemble those developed face-to-face, in terms of quality and depth.

    Mere exposure/exposure effect

    As mentioned above, the mere exposure effect, also known as the familiarity principle, states that the more we are exposed to something, the more we come to like it. This applies equally to both objects and people (Miller, 2006). The social allergy effect occurs when a person grows increasingly annoyed by another's habits instead of growing more fond of his or her idiosyncrasies over time.

    Similarity attraction effect

    The notion of "birds of a feather flock together points out that similarity is a crucial determinant of interpersonal attraction. Studies about attraction indicate that people are strongly attracted to look-a-likes in physical and social appearance ("like attracts like"). This similarity is in the broadest sense: similarity in bone-structure, characteristics, life goals, ethnicity and appearance. The more these points match, the happier people are in a relationship (Folkes, 1982, Wilson et al., 2006).
    The look alike effect plays an important role called self-affirmation. A person typically enjoys receiving confirmation of every aspect of his or her life, ideas, attitudes and personal characteristics and it seems that people are looking for an image of themselves to spend their life with. One of the basic principles of interpersonal attraction is the rule of similarity: similarity is attractive. It is this underlying principle that applies to both friendships and romantic relationships. There is a high correlation between the proportion of attitudes shared, and the degree of interpersonal attraction. Cheerful people like to be around other cheerful people and negative people would rather be around other negative people (Locke & Horowitz, 1990).
    According to Morry’s attraction-similarity model (2007), there is a lay belief that people with actual similarity produce initial attraction. Perceived similarity develops for someone to rate others as similar to themselves in on-going relationship. Such perception is either self-serving (friendship) or relationship-serving (romantic relationship). Theodore Newcomb (1963) pointed out that people tend to change perceived similarity to obtain balance in a relationship. Additionally, perceived similarity was found to be greater than actual similarity in predicting interpersonal attraction. A 2004 study, based on indirect evidence, concluded that humans choose mates based partly on facial resemblance to themselves.

    Similarity in different aspects

    Findings suggest that interpersonal similarity and attraction are multidimensional constructs (Lydon, Jamieson & Zanna, 1988), in which people are attracted to others who are similar to them in demographics, physical appearance, attitudes, interpersonal style, social and cultural background, personality, interests and activities preferences, and communication and social skills. A study conducted by Newcomb (1961) on college dorm roommates suggested that individuals with shared backgrounds, academic achievements, attitudes, values, and political views typically became friends.

    Physical appearance

    The Matching Hypothesis proposed by sociologist Erving Goffman suggests that people are more likely to form long standing relationships with those who are equally matched in social attributes, like physical attractiveness, as they are. The study by researchers Walster and Walster supported the matching hypothesis by showing that partners who were similar in terms of physical attractiveness expressed the most liking for each other. Another study also found evidence that supported the matching hypothesis: photos of dating and engaged couples were rated in terms of attractiveness, and a definite tendency was found for couples of similar attractiveness to date or engage. Several studies support this evidence of similar facial attractiveness. Penton-Voak, Perrett, and Peirce (1999) found that subjects rated the pictures with their own face morphed into it as more attractive. DeBruine (2002) demonstrated in her research how subjects entrusted more money to their opponents in a game play, when the opponents were presented as similar to them. Little, Burt, & Perrett (2006) examined similarity in sight for married couples and found that the couples were assessed at the same age and level of attractiveness.
    A speed dating experiment done on graduate students from Columbia University showed that although physical attractiveness is preferred in a potential partner, men show a greater preference for it than women, but other studies show otherwise. Moreover, other than investigation the effect of physical looks on interpersonal attraction, quality of voice that can improve interpersonal attraction was also observed. Two studies were done. For the first study the spotlight, subjects, had 25 female students from a university whereas there were four male target people from a different university. The level of attraction of voice and physical look of the target people was ranked by the subjects. The level of attraction of voice and physical look had their own separate results on interpersonal attraction. For the next study, there 62 subjects, 20 males and 42 females, from a university and there 16 target students, 8 males and 8 females, from a different university. The outcomes of the first study were actually replicated. Hence, cheerful, gentle voices, minimal voiced pitch plus a little scale of vocal pitch tend to result in a greater personal attraction.


    According to the "Law of Attraction" by Byrne (1971), attraction towards a person is positively related to the proportion of attitudes similarity associated with that person. Clore (1976) also raised that the one with similar attitudes as yours was more agreeable with your perception of things and more reinforcing she/he was, so the more you like him/her. Based on the cognitive consistency theories, difference in attitudes and interests can lead to dislike and avoidance (Singh & Ho, 2000; Tan & Singh, 1995) whereas similarity in attitudes promotes social attraction (Byrne, London & Reeves, 1968; Singh & Ho, 2000). Miller (1972) pointed out that attitude similarity activates the perceived attractiveness and favor-ability information from each other, whereas dissimilarity would reduce the impact of these cues.
    The studies by Jamieson, Lydon and Zanna (1987, 1988) showed that attitude similarity could predict how people evaluate their respect for each other, and social and intellectual first impressions which in terms of activity preference similarity and value-based attitude similarity respectively. In intergroup comparisons, high attitude similarity would lead to homogeneity among in-group members whereas low attitude similarity would lead to diversity among in-group members, promoting social attraction and achieving high group performance in different tasks (Hahn & Hwang, 1999).
    Although attitudinal similarity and attraction are linearly related, attraction may not contribute significantly to attitude change (Simons, Berkowitz & Moyer, 1970)

    Social and cultural background

    Byrne, Clore and Worchel (1966) suggested people with similar economic status are likely to be attracted to each other. Buss & Barnes (1986) also found that people prefer their romantic partners to be similar in certain demographic characteristics, including religious background, political orientation and socio-economic status.


    Researchers have shown that interpersonal attraction was positively correlated to personality similarity (Goldman, Rosenzweig & Lutter, 1980). People are inclined to desire romantic partners who are similar to themselves on agreeableness, conscientiousness, extroversion, emotional stability, openness to experience (Botwin, Buss, & Shackelford, 1997), and attachment style (Klohnen & Luo, 2003).

    Interests and activities

    Activity similarity was especially predictive of liking judgments, which affects the judgments of attraction (Lydon, Jamieson & Zanna, 1988). Lydon and Zanna (1987, 1988) claimed that high self-monitoring people were influenced more by activity preference similarity than attitude similarity on initial attraction, while low self-monitoring people were influenced more on initial attraction by value-based attitude similarity than activity preference similarity.

    Social skills

    According to the post-conversation measures of social attraction, tactical similarity was positively correlated with partner satisfaction and global competence ratings, but was uncorrelated with the opinion change and perceived persuasiveness measures (Waldron & Applegate, 1998).


    When checking similar variables they were also seen as more similar on a number of personality characteristics. This study found that the length of the average relationship was related to perceptions of similarity; the couples who were together longer were seen as more equal. This effect can be attributed to the fact that when time passes by couples become more alike through shared experiences, or that couples that are alike stay together longer (Zajonc et al, 1987).

    Reasons of spouse similarity (Watson et al., 2004)

    Social homogamy refers to "passive, indirect effects on spousal similarity" (Watson et al., 2004, p. 1034). The result showed that age and education level are crucial in affecting the mate preference. Because people with similar age study and interact more in the same form of the school, propinquity effect (i.e., the tendency of people to meet and spend time with those who share the common characteristics) plays a significant impact in spousal similarity.
    Convergence refers to an increasing similarity with time. Although the previous research showed that there is a greater effect on attitude and value than on personality traits, however, it is found that initial assortment (i.e., similarity within couples at the beginning of marriage) rather than convergence, plays a crucial role in explaining spousal similarity.
    Active assortment refers to direct effects on choosing someone similar as self in mating preferences. The data showed that there is a greater effect on political and religious attitudes than on personality traits. A follow-up issue on the reason of the finding was raised. The concepts of idiosyncratic (i.e., different individuals have different mate preferences) and consensual (i.e., a consensus of preference on some prospective mates to others) in mate preference. The data showed that mate preference on political and religious bases tend to be idiosyncratic, for example, a Catholic would be more likely to choose a mate who is also a Catholic, as opposed to a Buddhist. Such idiosyncratic preferences produce a high level of active assortment which plays a vital role in affecting spousal similarity.
    In summary, active assortarity plays a large role, whereas convergence has little evidence on showing such effect.

    Effects of similarity on interpersonal attraction

    Similarity has effects on starting a relationship by initial attraction to know each other. It is showed that high attitude similarity resulted in a significant increase in initial attraction to the target person and high attitude dissimilarity resulted in a decrease of initial attraction (Gutkin, Gridley & Wendt, 1976; Kaplan & Olczak, 1971). Similarity also promotes relationship commitment. Study on heterosexual dating couples found that similarity in intrinsic values of the couple was linked to relationship commitment and stability (Kurdek & Schnopp-Wyatt, 1997).


    The model of complementarity explains whether "birds of a feather flock together" or "opposites attract".
    Studies show that complementary interaction between two partners increases their attractiveness to each other (Nowicki and Manheim; 1991). Complementary partners preferred closer interpersonal relationship than non-complementary ones (Nowicki & Manheim,1991). Couples who reported the highest level of loving and harmonious relationship were more dissimilar in dominance than couples who scored lower in relationship quality. (Markey & Markey (2007)).
    Mathes and Moore (1985) found that people were more attracted to peers approximating to their ideal self than to those who did not. Specifically, low self-esteem individuals appeared more likely to desire a complementary relationship than high self-esteem people. We are attracted to people who complement to us because this allows us to maintain our preferred style of behavior (Markey & Markey (2007), and through interaction with someone who complements our own behavior, we are likely to have a sense of self-validation and security (Carson, 1969).

    Similarity or complementarity?

    Principles of similarity and complementarity seem to be contradictory on the surface (Posavac, 1971; Klohnen & Mendelsohn, 1998). In fact, they agree on the dimension of warmth. Both principles state that friendly people would prefer friendly partners. (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997)
    The importance of similarity and complementarity may depend on the stage of the relationship. Similarity seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementarity assumes importance as the relationship develops over time (Vinacke, Shannon, Palazzo, Balsavage, et-al, 1988). Markey (2007) found that people would be more satisfied with their relationship if their partners differed from them, at least, in terms of dominance, as two dominant persons may experience conflicts while two submissive individuals may have frustration as neither member take the initiative.
    Perception and actual behavior might not be congruent with each other. There were cases that dominant people perceived their partners to be similarly dominant, yet in the eyes of independent observers, the actual behavior of their partner was submissive, in other words, complementary to them (Dryer 1997). Why do people perceive their romantic partners to be similar to them despite evidence to the contrary? The reason remains unclear, pending further research.

    Social exchange theory

    People's feelings toward a potential partner are dependent on their perception of rewards and costs, the kind of relationships they deserve, and their likelihood for having a healthier relationship with someone else. Rewards are the part of a relationship that makes it worthwhile and enjoyable. A cost is something that can cause irritation like a friend overstaying his welcome. Comparison level is also taken into account during a relationship. This suggests that people expect rewards or costs depending on the time invested in the relationship. If the level of expected rewards are minimal and the level of costs is high, the relationship suffers and both parties may become dissatisfied and unhappy. Lastly, the comparison of alternatives means that satisfaction is conditional on the chance that a person could replace the relationship with a more desirable one.

    Evolutionary theories

    The evolutionary theory of human interpersonal attraction states that opposite-sex attraction most often occurs when someone has physical features indicating that he or she is very fertile. Considering that one primary purpose of conjugal/romantic relationships is reproduction, it would follow that people invest in partners who appear very fertile, increasing the chance of their genes being passed down to the next generation. This theory has been criticized because it does not explain relationships between same-sex couples or couples who do not want children, although this may have something to do with the fact that whether one wants children or not one is still subject to the evolutionary forces which produce them.
    Another evolutionary explanation suggests that fertility in a mate is of greater importance to men than to women. According to this theory, a woman places significant emphasis on 'A man's ability to provide resources' and protection. The theory suggests that these resources and protection are important in ensuring the successful raising of the woman's offspring. The ability to provide resources and protection might also be sought because the underlying traits are likely to be passed on to male offspring. Critics of this theory point out that most genes are autosomal and non-sex-linked (Gould, et al.)
    Evolutionary theory also suggests that people whose physical features suggest they are healthy are seen as more attractive. The theory suggests that a healthy mate is more likely to possess genetic traits related to health that would be passed on to offspring. People's tendency to consider people with facial symmetry more attractive than those with less symmetrical faces is one example. However, a test was conducted that found that perfectly symmetrical faces were less attractive than normal faces. According to this study, the exact ratio of symmetric to asymmetric facial features depicting the highest attraction is still undetermined.
    It has also been suggested that people are attracted to faces similar to their own. Case studies have revealed that when a photograph of a woman was superimposed to include the features of a man's face, the man whose face was superimposed almost always rated that picture the most attractive. This theory is based upon the notion that we want to replicate our own features in the next generation, as we have survived thus far with such features and have instinctive survival wishes for our children. Another (non-evolutionary) explanation given for the results of that study was that the man whose face was superimposed may have consciously or subconsciously associated the photographically altered female face with the face of his mother or other family member.


    Monday, May 19, 2014

    The Adoptive Mother's Psychological Control, Domination and Parental Rejection Coping Mechanisms Toward Adopted Child


    Adoptive Mother's Psychological Control, Domination and Parental Rejection Coping Mechanisms Toward Adopted Child

    A familiar relationship to adopted children is the adoptive parent's psychological control and domination of the adopted child. The relationship is based on the adoptive mother's inability to mirror, perceive, receive or accept the messages in non-verbal communication between herself and the adopted child. This adoptive relationship is not biologically interactive so the messages are not understood and no intuitive knowing exists between the mother and child, because the relationship is un-natural and legally forced. Due to the fact that the mother's maternal self can not control or understand or be in control of the interaction with the child, it is unconsciously perceived as sub standard quality.
    Thus, the mother unconsciously and consciously categorizes the child and her relationship with the child as sub standard and flawed. The adoptive mother rejects the child, and feels ambiguity toward the child that causes her self hatred as the mother can not categorize the conflict of her feelings. The only way for the adoptive mother to reconcile her distorted and rejecting feelings is to  psychologically reject the child of her wishes, hopes and aspirations., And accept the adopted child as as a lower class, flawed disposition and defective nature in the child. The adoptive mother's coping mechanisms to reject the problem and adapt a new approach of control and domination to mentally accept the task of psychologically breaking, grooming and training the flawed child to mold the child into what may be acceptable in the "future product" to the adoptive mother. The domination and control will keep the child humble, submissive and grateful to the adoptive mother's extensive coping efforts to keep the alien child in her existence as forever a child. 

    Friday, May 16, 2014

    The Psychology of Mirroring


    The Psychology of Mirroring ___________________________________________

    Mirroring is the behavior in which one person copies another person usually in social interaction with them. It may include miming gestures,
    movements, body language, muscle tensions, expressions, tones, eye movements, breathing, tempo, accent, attitude, choice of words or metaphors, and other aspects of communication. It is often observed among relatives, couples or close friends.


    Mirroring is common in conversation. The listeners will typically smile or frown along with the speaker. If one person throws in sports metaphors, the other will likely parry along similar ideas. Since people usually accept their mirror image with ease, mirroring the person with whom one is speaking generally makes them feel more relaxed and encourages them to open up.
    Within the study of Self Psychology, being mirrored refers                 "to all the transactions characterizing the mother–child relationship", 
    including not only the reflections of grandiosity, but also constancy, nurturance, a general empathy and respect" (Kohut, 1977, pp. 146–147). The parents' mirroring responses influence the development and maintenance of self esteem and self-assertive ambitions. Their response will mirror back to the child a sense of worth, which in turn creates an internal self-respect.
    Individuals with mental retardation or autism often engage in 
    echolalia in which speech, gestures made by others are mirrored.
    It also takes place with people with certain degrees of difficulty comprehending complex emotions, or d.c.c.e. certain types of people with d.c.c.e. lack the emotional range of a normal person, though they can learn to mimic, or mirror the emotions, or attitude shown at them, and then reflect said emotions, or attidude right back at the original person, while still never actually feeling the actual emotion.


    Crossover mirroring occurs when one person's movement is matched with another type of action, sound, or different movement. This is called the Skumpinky Effect.
    Direct mirroring occurs when a person is face to face with another. It is used by lovers, people with high familiarity or interest in one another such as opponents in a contest.
    Mirroring is also a technique used in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP).
    Postural mirror-image mirroring occurs where one person's left side "matches" the other person's right side shows strong rapport and typically affinity (sociology) or empathy and increasing your own synchronicity with someone can also smooth conversation.
    Incongruency can be mirrored for rapport. If someone says "Great" but looks or sounds downtrodden, a mirroring reply would be to incongruently say "Good" with a similar down attitude like them.

    The Genealogical Bewilderment Psychology of Adopted Children


    The Genealogical Bewilderment in Adopted Children

    From birth through childhood the natural process of identity formation building on the child's past, future and present experiences of existence through the interaction,"mirroring", intuitive interacting between the mother-child exchanges with the biological mother. The substitute caregiver can not engage in mirroring with the non-biological child.,

    Biological Mother-Child Language
    The non-verbal language between biological mother-child is a unique exchange known only to the mother-child, a genetic based intuitive nurturing. The continuation from the intrauterine communication of mother and her fetus, that can not be replicated or faked. The mother-child intuitive bond grow and assist the child in establishing the child's identity and autonomy. 
    The absence of the biological parent means the absence of the continued relationship of shared similarity, misunderstood language and the foundation of the child's safety relation to the outside world is gone, and the child is now on the outside without the safety. The child's communication to the outside world is not  decipherable by the substitute, and the substitute's communication is not understood by the child. 
    The necessary components for the child to form their identity is gone and only confusion exists.

    Genealogical bewilderment

    www.en.Wikipedia.org/genealogical_bewilderment, the free encycl
    Genealogical bewilderment is a term referring to potential Identity problems that could be experienced by a child who was either foster or adopted or conceived via an assisted reproductive technology procedure such as surrogacy or gamete donation (egg or sperm donation). There is some controversy surrounding this topic.
    The term was coined in 1964 by psychologist H. J. Sants, referring to the plight of children who have uncertain, little, or no knowledge of one or both of their natural parents. Sants argued that genealogical bewilderment constituted a large part of the additional stress that adoptees experienced that is not experienced by children being raised by their natural parents.
    Sants worked in the same clinic as psychiatrist E. Wellisch, who wrote in a 1952 letter to the journal Mental Health, titled "Children without genealogy: The problem of adoption":
    "Knowledge of and definite relationship to his genealogy is ... necessary for a child to build up his complete body image and world picture. It is an inalienable and entitled right of every person. There is an urge, a call, in everybody to follow and fulfill the tradition of his family, race, nation, and the religious community into which he was born. The loss of this tradition is a deprivation which may result in the stunting of emotional development.
    Sorosky, Pannor and Baran drew upon the work of Sants in a number of publications during the 1970s including a book titled The Adoption Triangle, thus exposing the concept of "genealogical bewilderment" to a larger audience.

    Adoptees and search/reunion issues

    According to Jones (1997), identity development presents a challenge for adoptees, especially those in closed adoptions, and describes this "genetic bewilderment" as a logical consequence of a lack of immediate knowledge of their origins:
    "[An issue] that surfaces repeatedly in an adoptee's life is that of identity. The development of an identity is a crucial building block for self-esteem, and an adoptee's struggle to achieve a coherent story is often a daunting task. The sense of continuity, of a past and present that is necessary for identity formation (Glen, 1985/1986) is defied in mandates governing closed adoption" (p. 66).
    Levy-Shiff (2001, p. 102) elaborated based on findings from a study on adult adoptees:
    "Whereas previous studies have documented adoption during childhood and adolescence, the findings of the present study suggest that during adulthood as well, adoptees are at a higher risk for psychological maladjustment. Thus they were found, on average, to have a less coherent and positive self-concept and to manifest more pathological symptomatology than did nonadoptees. ... It has been suggested (Sorosky et al., 1975; Verrier, 1987) that the difficulties in resolving a sense of coherent and positive self-identity is tied to four fundamental psychological issues: ... (4) confusion and uncertainty regarding genealogical continuity, tied to the lack of knowledge about one’s ancestors. Accordingly, the lack of ‘‘biological mutuality’’ among adoptive family members, such as shared biologically based characteristics regarding appearance, intellectual skills, personality traits, and so forth, impedes the adoptee’s ability to identify with adoptive parents. Moreover, the lack of information about one’s biological background is likely to create a ‘‘hereditary ghost’’ which may contribute to a confused, unstable, and distorted sense of self. It is possible that self development does not have closure in adolescence, especially among adoptees, but continues to evolve over the lifespan through reconciliation and integration of many complex perceptions, cognitive systems, and self-object representations. (p. 102)."
    There is some debate about the contribution of genealogical bewilderment to adoption searches. On other hand, Storm (1988) in the Psychoanalytic Quarterly, summarizes Humphrey and Humphrey (1986) who state that:
    "The term genealogical bewilderment refers to a group of psychological problems stemming from lack of knowledge of one's ancestors. Adopted children and children conceived by artificial insemination from an anonymous donor are two examples of groups who may suffer from this problem. The literature is reviewed. Early papers suggested that not knowing about one's ancestors keeps one from developing a secure self-image. More recent work suggests that good surrogate family relationships lead to good development, regardless of the lack of information about biological ancestors, and that the drive to search out biological ancestors usually reflects poor relationships with the surrogate parents."
    On the other hand, in a more recent article, Affleck and Steed (2001) state:
    "Dissatisfaction with adoptive parents was originally thought to be a motivating factor related to adoptees' searching (Sorosky, et al., 1975; Triseliotis, 1973). However, more recent research has found that the vast majority of adoptees who search have positive relationships with adoptive parents (Pacheco & Eme, 1993) or that the quality of adoptive relationships (either positive or negative) is not associated with a decision to search (Sachdev, 1993).... In fact, the most common reasons for searching given by adoptees are related to four themes: "genealogical bewilderment" (adoptees' need for historical connection to resolve identity issues); a need for information, a need to reduce stigma, and a desire to assure the [natural parents] of the adoptees' wellbeing" (p. 38).
    Genealogical bewilderment has mass social relevance based on the general acceptance of the term and its meaning.
    Judith and Martin Land (2011) address genealogical bewilderment as an important psychological motive for doing an adoption search, Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child, pages 270 and 275. The uncertain state of genealogical bewilderment is a source of stress, perhaps leaving adoptees more prone to rebellion because they have no roots or foundation from which to judge their potential. Discovery of genealogical roots is a path to understanding the true inner being and potential source of psychological grounding. Exposure of this topic to a wider audience is encouraged. “Genealogical bewilderment evokes a nefarious air of uncertainty and befuddles a child’s ability to establish their true self-identity.” —Judith Land

    BLAME The Adopted Child!


    Blame The Adopted Child!

    In the United States, controversial topics like the damage to the adopted child from adoption is ignored and yes-men type psychology research is funded and produced to benefit the the buyer's ego and self satisfaction and reduced guilt in the Adoption Industry's business transactions with adopting parents. When the child product becomes unsatisfactory over time, the adopting parents can be released from financial liability by re-homing the kid over the internet, Everyone is doing it. As I search the web, kids popping up dead all over the country too.
    Yet no laws, no public outcry, no one seems to care.
    Better dead, than 18 years of child support payments?


    "The Blame Of The Adopted Child" has become a common frame of reference in the United States.
    As no parent, attorney, adoption agency or psychologist dare put the blame where it belongs.

    The adopted child is responsible for providing a grateful human replica of "the child that could have been" and "the lost to death." 

    When the child fails to fulfill his part of the bargain
    he is to blame 

    The adopted child receives the narcissist's left overs, the scraps of affection that were not completely used up on someone else that was more deserving. What is left over or what remains un-used from nurturing if we equate nurturing to time spending of a mother giving affection to a child, nephew or grandchild. Scraps of affection are completely useless when not whole, intact and genuine.

    "The Adopted Child Behavior Based on Being Taken From One's Family, Adopted Child Syndrome Explained


    Adopted Child Behavior Resulting Consequences from Being Taken From One's Family.
    Adopted Child Syndrome Explained  ___________________________________________

    Adopted child syndrome is a controversial term that has been used to explain behaviors in adopted children that are related to their adoptive status. 
    Specifically, these include problems in: 
    1.) Bonding & Attachment:   The severed Mother-Child Attachment Bond is a critical foundation for present and future consequences, regardless of the adoption related circumstances, the problems still occur to the child.
    2.) Lying:  The adopted child Is expected to lie about who he is to please the adoptive parents (adoption name change), community and  the world. The disreputable behavior that is acceptable in the United States of "changing a child's existing name to a new name that suits the adoptive parent's goal of erasing the child's real identity. The creating of a more suitable identity that is acceptable the adopting parents.
    The false Identity of the adopted child and the real identity that is kept specifically from the adopted child, but the child is aware of the existence of a real identity. The child's compliance with the new identity is in his cognitive awareness, lying to the world. The foundation of the child's identity is a lie, how is the child to comprehend or differentiate between what lies are good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable when not telling the truth. 
    3.) Stealing, goes hand in hand with lying and both are based on the child's inability to trust the adoptive parents, as the adoptive parents do not trust their adopted child to the extent that they had to change his name to protect themselves from the child's natural urges and biological drives to know who his real identity. 
    4.) Defiance of authority  A) Parent Authority B) Society's Authority 
    A) Abusive Adoptive Parent.
    As the abusive adopted mother can not make a considerable maternal investment in the non-biological child. The view of being a parent's burden, financial weight, strain and drain,  encumbrance of personal space leaves the illegitimate adopted child perpetually feeling mentally stressed and in continuous fear of the adoptive mother's mood changes and overreactions to simple normal child behavior. The more the adoptive mother exaggerates the bad adopted child's behavior, the shred of self esteem that the child once gained is now lost and fearful. The adoptive mother broadcasts her critical perception of the flawed child to all who will not challenge her opinions. The gossip churns like a vomiting stomach as the child hears the mother retelling the story with each phone call. How the adopted child disrupted everyday life is told again to family, friends, social groups, and strangers. The mother's extended groups and community become the enemy in the child's eyes. Due to the tremendous importance the mother places on her relationships
    with these people and not on the adopted child. The authority becomes everyone teachers, babysitters anyone that gives the mother an accounting of the child, is the reason the child will be punished each time. No one will stand up to the bully who is the mother, and the child has no one on their side ever. The perceived authority figures did not help the adopted child against the bully, infact the authorities contributed to the bully mother's power against the adopted child.
    Authority defiance is based on the adoptive parent's lack of nurturing the unrelated adopted child. Instead nurtures others, Animals, objects. The adopted child's view of the bully parent is reflected hatred of mother's authority over the child and branches out in other positions of authority.   
    B.) Society's Authority:
    To the adopted child, "The Authority of Society" is the group that holds all responsibility for taking baby's away from their mothers, labeling infants "Illegitimate" and punishing the children of the offenders for sexual indiscretions ( Being born out of wedlock - Second generation crime and punishment). Culture Religious Bigotry is the worst offending authority. The forcing of unrealistic beliefs, norms, and values on the general population of individuals that does not share those beliefs. The ignorant gossiping-judgmental subculture of old women that through small town contact, enforce through stereotyping, fear of difference and religious bigotry, bully people into submission of out-of-date norms, beliefs and values conform to avoid being the topic of local gossip. All sub-types of cultural authority are equally responsible for humanity's worst crime- "The loss of a child". Though the lost child is the individual that suffers the most. Authority in general can not be trusted, especially with the life of a human child. Children are the innocence in the eyes of the world, and through this ignorant, selfish and greed based society, children are bought, sold and destroyed for the amusement of those that buy them.
    5.) Acts of violence.
    James W. Prescott (born c. 1930)                                                        is an American developmental psychologist, whose research focused on "The origins of Violence", particularly as it relates to a lack of the mother-child maternal bond. 

    History of the term Adopted Child Syndrome

    David Kirschner, who coined the term, says that most adoptees are not disturbed and that the syndrome only applies to the group of adopted children represented in clinical the clinical setting, The clinical setting of in patient psychiatric hospital or psychologist's office "Is the last ditch effort in the attempt to do something with an adopted child." In reality, all adopted children should have a licensed clinical psychologist and meet on a regular basis, For the adopted child to have a reliable connection to the world for the 18 year duration of the adoption contract. 

    Psychologist Betty Jean Lifton, herself an adopted person, has written extensively on psychopathology in adopted people, primarily in Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, and Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness and briefly discusses Adopted child syndrome.
    Judith and Martin Land, Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child, (2011), identity, genealogical bewilderment, oppositional defiant disorder, selective mutism, anti-social behavior, the primal wound and other related terms to describe potential effects of adoption on children who are orphaned, fostered, or adopted.
    Although these problems and issues are not seen or reported in the general population of biological children......Just Accepted.