Category: Adoptee's Search and reunion
The Biological Mother Is Only One Aspect Of Several Important Biological Family Connections To Explore
As the adoptee enters into the search or reunion phase of the adoption life cycle, The insight most important to the adoptee is that one person can not represent an entire tribe and (biological family).
The fact that a single person's presence, can not repair the absence of an entire family. Going blindly and solo into adoption reunion is preferred as no one can help you only interfere negatively. The adoptive parents should be excluded from initial meetings as the adoptee must make this soul searching journey on their very own. We are born alone and we die alone and if we were so unfortunate to have been adopted in the first place, this reunion experience explicitly belongs to the adoptee and the biological parent. The biological mother is not the only person to reunite with and she has no exclusive rights to your biological family as you belong to them and the entire biological family is your blood. The Maternal deprivation is not the only thing adoptee's are deprived of... we are deprived of maternal and paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, most importantly sisters and brothers. The deprivation of sibling relationships are
easier to heal and grow new relationships with. Aunts, uncles and other relatives may give us what our broken biological parents can not. It takes an entire family and a lot of time to gather our medical history,
and it takes an entire families different accounts of what, where, when, how and why to get at or near the truth of our own history. Some biological mothers as is mine are so broken and have used their lives to re-create the similarity of the adoption trauma because they never got over it and in many cases as relinquishing mothers age, the pain from adoption gains strength growing more painful each passing year. Some of these first mothers young lives were destroyed by the perpetrated adoption trauma that victimized them and rendered these young girls broken before they started to live. My own mother was so traumatized by my forced adoption that she lost decades of her life's memories. My own dear mother punished herself relentlessly, not allowing herself to care for her own children and as a senior citizen volunteer care-giver for the elderly baby's in
a local convalescent home. She is re-creating the care giving that she did not allow herself to provide at the time when her babies were young. My mother perpetually creates the cycle of care that she was deprived of through the original assault on her ability to parent. Because of the extreme psychological denial, depravity and shame the biological mother has suffered, has caused loss of memory related dementia began in her early thirties. The psychopathy of unresolved psychological trauma is now proven through psychiatric science. Unfortunately my biological mother can not be healed from her narcissistic wounding trauma that caused early onset dementia. Although I am quite lucky to have such a network of biological family that has made up for what my own mother can not give me, her sisters can. My biological father, his four brothers, my paternal grandmother and grandfather all have been waiting for me since they found out I was stolen from their family. It is the most amazing thing in my life, for an adoptee to finally come home for the first time to myself. I am getting to know who I am through my relatives, my blood and my tribe. I finally have answers to who I am, where I come from. With this information of my real and authentic family roots. I now know where I come from, A long line reaching back to the 1690's Eastern United States Bird-town. South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee border's The Great Smokey Mountains, Indian Territory before the United States was established My ancestors lived and moved seasonally. Those with roots have never not known who they are, and discount this privilege to unknown adoptees without identity.
The importance of roots as people without them have no connection to the world or other people. For the first time in my 45 years of life, I now have direction, purpose and Identity. I am no longer keeping my head above water, keeping myself from sinking...I can now swim, with the aid of my entire genealogical family. Just knowing who you are makes life worth living.